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Old 02-20-2013, 11:43 AM   #1
JustAmy2013 JustAmy2013 is offline
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(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 14
JustAmy2013 HB User
Unhappy New to having OCD...

Hi...
This is my first post. I have some questions about OCD as I have just recently been discussing it with my doctor weekly and he has yet to officially diagnose me, however it is getting increasingly worse.
It says plenty in my Bio about my diagnoses...major depression and anxiety since age 11.
I live alone and haven't had really any friends most of my life. A lot of failed relationships, yet no lasting friendships. I may complain that I don't have any friends, however I believe my loneliness is a comfort to me...it's what I'm used to. I recently had quite a few depressive episodes since September. I managed to stay out of the hospital and my doctor agreed to tweaking my meds on an outpatient basis. I finally felt I was on the right doses. However, I am consistently cleaning my fairly large apartment (so it's a lot to keep up with) and more of making sure EVERYTHING is in it's right place, facing the right way, and it will drive me insane and give me intense anxiety if something is not in it's right place, facing correctly and the everything looks PERFECT. It takes me forever to leave my place cause I can't get myself out the door until EVERYTHING is PERFECT. I have always been a perfectionist, but in it's lowest form. NOTHING like this. My doctor says it's a way for me to feel in control or keeping my mind focused as I always say my mind is like an "engergizer bunny"...constantly in motion...always thinking about something...planning things out in my head out to the minute...thinking about things at times that don't even make sense. I say that I wish that my mind had a light switch where I can just shut it off when I want. So like I said, I'm still discussing all this with my doctor/therapist. however it's starting to scare me as it's getting worse. It's stressful, irritating, terribly exhausting and I can't stop it. Please help with any answers or suggestions. Thank you.