Re: 95 yr old woman, Day 3 of energy surge
Macular degeneration isnt necessarily fatal- and memory loss, is it truly dementia, or is it random memory loss? The two are very different. Has she been diagnosed with dementia?
Patients really do rally- meaning they get their "second wind" and "come back to us" for short periods of time...however, it doesnt necesarily mean they are dying. Youre asking about the death rattle, that only happens when a patient is actively dying and only in the last few hours....she hasnt "skipped" that stage, but probably isnt as close to it as you imagine.
Whats the story on her medical care? Is she seeing a doctor? Is anyone working with you on this? Hospice, is for terminally ill persons, who have been certified to only be able to live 6 months or less. If you are concerned this is the case, you have to have a physician write a hospice order for an evaluation before you can get hospice...and the only way to get that order is to take Mum to a doctor who is hospice friendly. Not all of them are. Without the order, in this country, a hospice agency cannot evaluate her appropriateness for hospice.
Its really great that you and your mum have talked about the things that are important...many families never get that chance. If you wish to bring up your father, you can- but like you said, thats YOUR agenda and she may not wish to discuss it with you; however she might.....you can ask.....but be prepared for her to react negatively to the subject. She also MIGHT react positively to it. You wont know unless you ask her. As far as your emotional state, I feel for you. Ive gone through this...its alot easier if you have a doctor on board who can help direct you, give you timeframes, and tell you what the prognosis is....but if you dont have that, youre totally at the mercy of your own guess. Thats not really fair, since I assume you arent a medical person.
Try getting her in to see a geriontologist (senior persons specialist) or at the very least, a Neurologist, (dementia and memory loss specialist) to see if they can evaluate her...its quite possible that your mum has years of living like this ahead of her, and she had developed some sort of bug, or infection, which caused all the symptoms of late.
Again, my heart goes out to you...please keep us posted.
RRMS- dx 05