I was married very young and I was with the same man for six years and he suddenly passed away at the age of 27 from a brain aneurysm. It was very tragic and unexpected.
a few years have now passed and I have found love and I am engaged to marry. My fiance' is in the marines and is across seas so we don't get to see much of eachother.
Well, My husbands family is very close and very family oriented. I love them as my own family and always will. But they still expect me to be at every event such as holidays, birthdays, family gatherings ect. And I have been going because I know they love to see me and it reminds them of their son. I also have had enough time to be able to go to everything since my future husband is in the military. I just recently noticed how much it deep down hurts me to go to their gatherings ect. since i've been paying more attention to my own wants and needs. I feel like when I go it is a constant reminder that he is no longer here and I have heard from a few of them how hard it is to see me with someone new because it hurts them and they do ask about him but it of course isn't as exciting as it is when I talk to other people because I know it is hard and it's just different. It hurts though and I have come to the conclusion that I can't be over there all of the time.
So my question is, I need help figuring out what I need to do or say in order to politely respect my own wishes and not hurt them?