Thanks everyone for your support,
I understand how you feel about Mike. I asked him jokingly a while back, what would happen if we went to different medical schools... how would we still be friends? I think he said something along the lines of, we'll make new friends and that our careers should be more important.
I was a little hurt by this. I kinda wanted something along the lines of, we'll keep in contact or visit one another now and then. I don't know why, but when I make a friend, they are pretty much friends for life. None of my friends are like him. All of my other friends are pretty social and outgoing, but he is more quiet, shy, and closed to himself. I know Mike, I know that he, himself, is a good guy deep down. He probably is not the best of friends, and I'm probably a better friend to him than he is to me.
I can't but somehow blame all of this on myself. I was the one that told him to join the same club as her and I, I was the one that told him to come along to the party where I knew she would be at, and maybe I should have been more aggressive and did something more to let her know I liked her when I still had the chance.
I know some of you think this girl is flaky, and a lot of guys thinks she's just a big flirt. But I kinda of see past all of that, and can tell she has a deeper side to her. I wanted to get to know "that" person. I don't really like that many girls. Pretty girls call me cute and I see them checking me out a lot of times, but thats all they are to me, "pretty girls", not someone I would like to have a relationship with. I guess I'm picky because I really don't want my heart to get broken and I hardly ever see a girl I would want a relationship with. I really wanted to have a relationship with this girl, I think thats why I'm so hurt by all of this because I don't know when I'll meet another girl I will feel this way about.
Most of the time, depending on the situation, I'm either way quiet or joking around or flirty. I think being either of those is easier than being your real self. Its hard for me to open up to people so its easier to just use a facade. Some people think that I'm either shy, a jerk, or a flirt depending on when they first meet me. But if they don't take the time to know me, they won't know I have a more serious, sensitive side.
[Back to story]
I actually called Mike today. I told him how I felt betrayed and the only thing he said was, "he felt bad". I was looking for a real apology, but looking back at the past.. he never said "sorry" for anything. He always either twisted around the situation so he was right, blantantly disregarded his fault, or ignored it. So I guess in retrospect, him feeling "bad" was the best I could get out of him.
He told me that she has been calling him the past couple of days. She even called him at the hotel she was staying at for her interview. Of course this pretty much saddened me to hear. I asked him when this all started to happen between him and her. It was at the 2nd party when he took her home. She invited him in, but all they did was talk... but I guess she liked him after getting to know him better.
Well, quite frankly.. that sucked. That was the main reason I wanted to take her out. I wanted to get to know her better and I wanted her to see a different side of me and to get to know me better. I never got a 1 on 1 time with her to talk to her more seriously instead of always joking around.
Its 1:30am right now, and I guess the main reason I'm still up typing this is because I didn't get a chance to talk to her today and still stressed out about the situation. I tried calling earlier but her phone was busy(10pm), then I kinda fell asleep waiting. By the time I woke up, it was 11:30pm. I still called but she didn't pick up, and I wasn't sure if I should leave a message or not.. so I just hung up. I've been meaning to talk with her since Saturday but I didn't want to call then with her test and interview coming up. I just got so much to say and I'm going crazy thinking about all of this.
I've been talking to my other friends about this. I am getting so many different advices that its confusing me even more. Some say I should just let it all out and let her know how I feel, some say to be more subtle about everything and to not let her know how sad or depressed I am, some say just to forget about her and move on. I really would like to tell her everything, but I don't want to scare her away either...especially since we are not together I don't want to be so divulgent of my emotions too quick so soon.
Sorry, this post came out pretty long.
[This message has been edited by cali99boy (edited 10-15-2003).]