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Old 12-05-2003, 09:27 AM   #5
Hoop Hoop is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rocking IN. USA
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Re: relationships outside marriage

I'm sorry Kat, but your post leaves me very amused as much as you seem to be confused. You have some issues and you need to readjust your analysis to this problem you created. This may not be what you want to hear but you need to hear it. I could give you the kid glove treatment but that won't help you, besides you won't have a problem getting that from others on this board.

Originally Posted by kitkat363
I have been married for 27 years. Ten years ago I had a relationship with a married man. For 5 months we met in secret we kissed and necked but we never had sexual intercourse. We did try one time, but he could not get an erection. Herein lies my problem. My husband found out about it and he does not believe that a man and woman can meet as long as we did and not have sex. He said that if I could find just one person who thought it was possible he would forgive me. So I am asking for your thoughts on this. I love my husband very much and have tried to make up to him for my wrongdoing. Its been a long time and we need to get over this. Please help.
Exactly, when did your husband find out about your latest adventure, 10 years ago or recently.
So, you tried having sex once but he couldn't get it up. Is this suppose to be justification to say you did nothing wrong? Your statement comes across as if this is the deciding factor for your husband to judge you on as if to say it was OK for you to kiss and neck. Doesn't this strike you as cheating on your husband again in some form? How can anyone claim to love someone and go out and do this, not once but 3 times? Did you love your husband when you were with these men or is this something that grew on you in later years?

Originally Posted by kitkat363
ok guys hold on cause here goes the rest of the story....At year 10 of this marriage I did have TWO affairs. He forgave me for these and we had a wonderful enviable marriage.
So, he forgave you once which is more than most spouses ever do, for not one but two affairs. If I interpret the years correctly, you went out 7 years later and did it again and expect your husband to understand and forgive you again, still? That is a lot to ask from him at this stage in your marriage.

Originally Posted by kitkat363
...This man used me for whatever reason. It wasn't sex. It may have started out as that But he lost it , couldn't get it up. Don't know if it was me or him? We always met in public places. Be it divine intervention or whatever the sex never happened.
I completely understand my husband not trusting me. But it has been 10 years since this incident and believe me they haven't been pretty. I deserved the terrible treatment he has given me...
It would have probably been easier for me if I had told him that we had had sex.That is the problem; he thinks I am lying to him about having sex. Should I have told him what he wanted to hear? It is a crazy situation. I'm bout out of my mind.
You say you were attracted to him but, "he used you.".. If you say you deserved the terrible treatment your husband has given you, what are you really complaining about?... Why tell him anything at all, especially whether you had sex or not. He thinks you are lying to him and you are suprised by this?

Originally Posted by kitkat363
So in a situation like this is it possible for us to not have had sex ? That seems to be what it all boils down to.
I don't think this has anything to do with sex at all. It has to do with your husband forgiving once and you betraying that trust again years later and expecting to have any credibility left. I hope he does forgive one more time but I don't know how can he really expect you will not to betray him again in the future. That is what it all boils down to,... not sex.

Still, I hope everything works out for you two, whichever direction you go.