You pose a situation here worthy of a paradigm shift.
Question - Are you thinking out loud, or really talking to and answering yourself?
Most observers can't tell the difference, so, sooner or later, someone's going to accuse you of "talking to yourself."
It would be better to head that off now.
Do you talk to any family members? How are your conversational skills? Do you participate in team sports or hobbies or clubs?
I think you have a lot on your mind that you are unsure of and too apprehensive to "check it out."
Checking it out means trusting someone to listen to you, and I don't mean the pets, little one.
The best thing about a couselor is that they are ANONYMOUS and don't know you from Adam or Aaron. They can only comment on what you tell them - also, they have usually seen hundreds of other people! Who better to comment on how "different" you are?
Get a female. When you are hurting, a female picks up on that better. No offense to male counselors, but females are usually better listeners too.
Going it "alone" in life will get you nowhere, but scared
, but fast.
Best wishes to you.