Originally Posted by AliceB777
(I have to do this myself, because I am the one who f***ed up!), and he won't see a therapist. I can't even get him to go to AA meetings.
I think the way he is thinking about things is the problem based on that last thought above from your note: "I have to do this myself, because I am the one who f***ed up!" contains several of the thinking errors that cause anxiety and depression. Try and get him involved in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) if you can. CBT is not like other talk therapy. A good CBT therapist does not care much about your past or why you think you feel the way you do etc. A good CBT therapist knows they cannot change what's already happened to you but they can help you change how you deal with what happens in your life from here on out. It's all about using the tools to learn to think more clearly and accurately about things and counter the thinking errors you are making that are causing your problems and once you do your depression will miraculously begin to lift before your eyes. My favorite starter book on CBT is "Been There, Done That? Do This!" by Sam Obitz.