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Old 01-22-2007, 05:50 PM   #1
D31 D31 is offline
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Unhappy I was emotionally abused and have trouble dealing....

I was emotionally abused for 3 years. I guess I made excuses for him, that he had a bad childhood, grew up in foster care, His father was abusive to his mother. No body gets that , I am aware he was an *** . Everyone says just forget him move on. If I could do that would I have not already? It is not that easy. I trusted him with my hopes, my fears everything. And it is as if he used it against me. He told me I was pathetic, useless, he could have anyone he wanted, told me a "friend" told him I looked like a man, said I was fat, said I disgusted him. No one else would want me.And he could not have sex with me because he was disgusted by me . He used me finacially. Made me feel like I was going crazy. It has been 3 months.. and I thought I was doing well, until I started to really remember how he was... the times he abused me. And I broke down. In the middle of the night. I have been in counselling, but there are times when I just feel hopeless. When I am not in a session. I know I have my friends and family, but they all warned me and I am sure are so sick of hearing about it all. I feel embarrased that I allowed this to happen. I feel useless, I believe at times maybe he was right. Then others I think he is the one with issues. I am joining a goup for abused women. And I think me... I should know better. I mean everyone tried to tell me he was no good for me but I would not listen.l I just thought no he loves me and everyone gave up on him as a child and now. And I did not want to be that one more person who did. And how it was not all bad....And now here I am 3 years later. Ya sure I am rid of him. But I have never felt so alone in my life. Like I am supposed to just chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on.. cause he was so bad .. and that is reason enough to want to. Ya logic tells me I know he was bad. But I still loved him... so much. I was the one who understood him when no one else did. He hurt me so many times with his words. He made me feel like I was lucky to be with him. He drank alot did drugs. And lied to so many other than me. How can someone love such a cruel person. How could I be so stupid. Every one else was so wrong and I was going to proove it. Well everyone was so right and now I am dealing with the pain and confusion everyday.

 
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Old 01-23-2007, 06:43 AM   #2
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Re: I was emotionally abused and have trouble dealing....

D31 - I understand some of what you're feeling because I too have been there. I've been in abusive relationships and I discovered that my partners had some issues of their own. One had borderline personality disorder, one had bi-polar. I'm so glad you have escaped that terrible situation. I know you feel alone, but you are FREE!!!!
you don't have to tolerate that bad treatment anymore. I'm so glad I'm out of those relationships. I read some very good books. The verbally abusive relationship, women who love too much, stop walking on eggshells.
I urge you to read some stuff, it will help empower you. I'm glad you're going to a group....it will help to connect with others in the same situation. Hang in there. You're moving in the right direction......don't look back. And so what if everyone else was right.....you're out of that situation now and you should be commended for it. Hold your head high! You're a survivor!

 
Old 01-23-2007, 08:52 AM   #3
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Re: I was emotionally abused and have trouble dealing....

Quote:
Originally Posted by D31 View Post
I just thought no he loves me and everyone gave up on him as a child and now. And I did not want to be that one more person who did.

I was the one who understood him when no one else did.
Hi D, sorry that you are feeling bad. I guess you must be grieving. You said that you did love him. It is a loss then and you need to grieve.

You said that you feel useless. Well he told you this for 3 years and you also feel "stupid" because everyone was right about him but you wouldn't listen. It's okay, D, we ALL make mistakes, forgive yourself.

When you said that you felt no one loved you and you didn't want to give up on him, were you sort of meeting your own needs by meeting his needs? Do you think that you meet your own needs?

You must have felt special that you were the only one who understood him?

You said that he made you feel like you were going crazy. I have heard other women who have come out of these relationships explain that it was confusing, what was right and what was wrong.

 
Old 03-26-2007, 05:17 AM   #4
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Re: I was emotionally abused and have trouble dealing....

I think you have an amazing courage to speak about your pain. I also think that a support group will benefit you, speaking to other women, smart women, like yourself; i think it will help. We as women always want to save the world, I have always been drawn to the dark unfixables myself. Believe in your selfworth, and others will, too., but as with any other thing, only time will ease some of the memories and help the pain and embarrassment. Oh, and keep talking to your loved ones, it's their job to be supportive, no matter how many times you have to go through it, it took me twenty years no realize I no longer dwelled on my teenage rape. It will happen. Good luck. God Bless

 
Old 03-26-2007, 10:26 AM   #5
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Re: I was emotionally abused and have trouble dealing....

Hi D31. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you and how bad you are feeling. I'm been where you are now.
I had been in a relationship that became abusive. We were together for 8 years and the last 4 were abusive. It was very abusive verbally & emotionally but had exculated to physical abuse before I finally got out & stayed out. If I had not gone for counselling I am sure I would have gone back. For me, the fear of the unknown was almost worse than knowing what he would & could do to me.
You should be proud of your courage!! It takes a strength to do what you have already done. Please continue with counselling & the support group sounds like a fantastic idea. I'm sure you can always find a listening ear from someone here as well if & when you need it.
Take one day at a time and remember you are important and worthwhile. You are not alone.

 
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