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Old 02-07-2007, 06:09 AM   #1
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

I will start our with some resent quotes from U&A (responaibilty is the name of the game) :

"It's hard for BP's to focus on the positives in life but being responsible for the disorder will allow them to address it in therapy.... Where there is a will there is a way as EYES has certainly showed us.
Personal responsibility and optimistism are traits any BP must master to have the stability so many of you deserve. It really applies to everyone in life and today many non-BP's even have a hard time mastering those traits but they are essential to a happy healthy life."

U&A goes on to say : "...... even us non-BP's have the normal up's and down's. It takes a true sense of personal responsibilty from the BP to see the behaviors and feelings are not normal and need serious attention. It also takes the same level of responsibility for people around them to confront the obvious and not enable over and over again. Nothing will change if everyone around just puts a blind eye.

Now, my thoughts as a emotionally stable BP for 23 years :

1) A BP has to "Ultimately be Responsible for their Actions at all times"
2) A Positive,Optimistic Additude is needed when stresses arise.
3) Know your "triggers" and confront them.
4) Stay away from Over Reaction.
5) Use 1)-4) with your spouse.Stop rage and whining.Take a deep Breath-fine your own space to keep control.
6) Knowledge,Learning are needed about BP. Accept it fully. Know that BP
is a Biochemical Imbalance Disorder.
7) A BP has to receive the proper Medications and always be Complient with them. When a BP "feels" better,this Not the time to discontinue their Meds.

OK, do you see any relationship with U&A's comments and My comments, even though I'm a BP and he's a Non-BP ?

Eyes
"Let's work the problem...."
Ed Harris (Apollo 13)

Last edited by twoeyez; 02-07-2007 at 06:12 AM.

 
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Old 02-07-2007, 06:19 AM   #2
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Hi Eyes,

well, i'm a bit confused (hahaha). I'm a medicated BP for about 7 yrs. What i seem to be reading is basically the same thing; although it can be difficult to accept or even recognise you have an illness for many years. I can get frustrated and so can my family, but we do all try and work together at it, with the help of regular psych appts. So, have I missed something, TBH my brain is a bit slow at the moment, not all the dots are joining at all times if you know what i mean. Really damn frustrating when I used to be so capable.

Juliet

 
Old 02-07-2007, 06:28 AM   #3
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Yes. Logic is applied to both theories.

Non-BP's, too, have their moments of ups and downs. My DH has his days of down time, and days of euphoria. He also has attended therapy with me to learn about the illness, and in conjunction, has received some theraputic help himself at the same time.

In the situation I'm in, it has worked. We have made it work. Only through lots of effort on both ends of the spectrum.

We, in our household, have two special needs children. It creates a different scenario to another level of degree. So, the BP illness of which I have, is secondary to what goes on in our household to their illness'. We have a lot to cope with in my home. Lots of therapy, medications, and quiettime to deal with on a daily basis. To keep my illness at bay as a parent, I'm in lots of therapy and visit the pdoc regularly, as well as meet with my DH regularly for support. It takes teamwork.

Well, that is all I have to say. Time to feed the fat cat before he eats my foot off!

Coffeegirl
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Old 02-07-2007, 07:06 AM   #4
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

[QUOTE=coffeegirl2;

Yes. Logic is applied to both theories.

Non-BP's, too, have their moments of ups and downs. My DH has his days of down time, and days of euphoria. He also has attended therapy with me to learn about the illness, and in conjunction, has received some theraputic help himself at the same time.

Coffeegirl : I would add your last comment to my list of 7).....

8).... lots of therapy and visit the pdoc regularly, as well as meet with my DH (spouse) regularly for support. It takes teamwork.

Eyes

Last edited by twoeyez; 02-07-2007 at 07:06 AM.

 
Old 02-07-2007, 07:58 AM   #5
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

I guess that explains why i am a basket case and cant get control of this disorder. I need proper treatment and therapy so i can learn to deal with this correctly. Well im trying! Thanks for the info it was very helpful!
I whine too much and i need to take the bull by the horns and get with the program. Thanks for inspiring me! Ill shut up now! Tee

 
Old 02-07-2007, 08:31 AM   #6
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Juliet & Tee :

Juliet, You said :...." I can get frustrated and so can my family, but we do all try and work together at it, with the help of regular psych appts."

Tee, You said : ...." I need proper treatment and therapy so i can learn to deal with this correctly. Well im trying! Thanks for the info it was very helpful!

My dear Ladies : By your above "qoutes",you both are saying and thinking postive thoughts I just have "Eyes" for your "Optimistic portions of your posts

Stay with it.

Eyes

"Let's work the problem...."
Ed Harris (Apollo 13)

Last edited by twoeyez; 02-07-2007 at 08:33 AM.

 
Old 02-07-2007, 08:32 AM   #7
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Hi Eyes,

I apoligize for not getting to the thread sooner but developments in my situation have major cause for alarm. My 11 yr old step daughter went to school Friday and wrote a letter to her teacher about how her mother is hitting her and constantly yelling at her. Needless to say the principal, the school pdoc, and the teacher pulled her into a meeting that day and now as we speak social services is at my wife's house interviewing the whole family.

Am I surprise it's come to this? NO! The biggest problem I have right now is last night my wife's whole family was yelling at the 11 yr old for causing all this. It just goes to show you how completely irresponsible they are and I'm being left with little choice but to get my kids out of the situation all together. My wife is locking herself in her bedroom so she can talk to her boyfriend for hours. She is completely manic and I just don't think she will see the light anytime soon if ever. She even went as far to tell her ex that the 11 yr old should maybe live with him and I never thought that would happen.

This disorder is progressive and my situation certainly shows how a unmedicated BP can go downhill very quickly. Responsibility is still the name of the game and my wife wants none of it. I guess she is going to be forced to a certain extent to take some of it but that's left to be seen. If anything this will cause the crash of her life. I continue to try to make sense of her actions but I know I never will make sense of it. I hate this disorder more than you will ever know and I hope this thread helps all of us to find ways to crush it with all our strength.

God Bless...........U&A
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"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Last edited by Used&Abused; 02-07-2007 at 09:32 AM.

 
Old 02-07-2007, 09:01 AM   #8
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

What a wonderful thread....I think that the unity of those with BP and those who love and care for them can go a long way to understanding and healing.

I know, as a non BPer and mom of a newly diagnosed BPer that Bpers hold alot of shame and remorse for what they say and do that is for the most part out of their control and part of their chemical imbalance within the brain. As we have seen from both sides, even with the proper meds and stabilization there will still be triggers that will off set the fragile balance acheived and that is why knowing that and learning to identify such triggers is imperative to keeping things balanced so that the cycle doesn't keep on repeating itself in which terrible things are said and done that will lead to further remorse and shame. I know that my daughter's most difficult part is ahead in being able to do this......the meds are pretty much in place but she still has far to go to make sure that things continue to stay in balance. My biggest fear for my daughter is her not being able to maintain friendships or any long trem relationship because in reading many of the posts here the most difficult part of being BP is holding back the anger, frustration, agitation enough to not displace or take it out on the ones we love. As it is now, it is difficult enough for me to take my daughters daily lashings but I do because I am her mother. But what about those who do not have to put up with that???

I am sorry, I hope I am not offending anyone, I am being honest here as somebody who wants my daughter to have a happy life filled with many friends, boyfriends, eventually getting married and having a family of her own but to be honest I don't think it will come so easy for her. And from what I am reading on this board from those who do have BP I see that is a constant struggle for you. Can anybody offer me any hope in regard to what I fear for my daughter's future???

Eyes ~ The list you came up with is wonderful...I intend to read it to Erin when she is open to hearing it. Right now we are approaching the phase of final acceptance when it comes to a loss...I know that she, as I do, feels as if something in her life has been lost since her diagnosis and this is the part that is most difficult particularly as a teen. So we are going to need some time but your list may come in handy once she is there.

I intend on being a follower of this thread (and a more than willing participant )...it is filled with such wisdom and a wealth of knowledge than any book I may find out there to understand what ERin and our family is going through. As I have said so many times, there is no better form of advice than firsthand knowledge from those who are walking in the very shoes that we find ourselves wearing.

Used & Abused ~ I am so sorry to hear about your latest happenings, perhaps it is a blessing in disguise to do what you must do to help your children out. Many times the bad things that happen in our lives looking bak on them, were actually blessings. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Coffeegirl ~ Welcome back, you have so much to share here and I really look forward to your posts. I am glad that you are still among us.

Juliet ~ Your words and openness help many here including us non BPers in understanding what it is like for our loved ones trying to find stability in their lives. Thank you for sharing your soul with us.

And for everybody else here, thanks for all that you do on a daily basis to help me learn and understand all that I need to in order to best support my daughter. I will forever be grateful for this forum for doing that for me and my family.

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

 
Old 02-07-2007, 10:01 AM   #9
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

U &A :

You know from your experience,knowledge and therapy that there is a time to confront your problem head on with the support of the principal, the school pdoc, and the teacher. It may be time to work with a "State" appointed Pdoc and develope a team of professionals to consider hospitalizing your spouse. (very sorry to say). Sometimes,a BPer needs to hit "rock bottom" and it appears that your spouse has.
Remember,"I have been there,and done that" That is when I findly started to take full responsiblity for my life

Goody, You said :

In part......"I intend on being a follower of this thread (and a more than willing participant )...it is filled with such wisdom and a wealth of knowledge than any book I may find out there to understand what ERin and our family is going through. As I have said so many times, there is no better form of advice than firsthand knowledge from those who are walking in the very shoes that we find ourselves wearing."

How true it is

Your Bper (I like how your "coined" that) Erin will persevere.. How do I know?
She has a MOM who would'nt give up. A MOM with Hope and Faith Remember, those words are working with your brother;as we speak.

Fear ..... is something that will be overcome with Time......you also said..
.... "My biggest fear for my daughter is her not being able to maintain friendships or any long trem relationship because in reading many of the posts here the most difficult part of being BP is holding back the anger, frustration, agitation enough to not displace or take it out on the ones we love."

If you Fear it.....Time will cure it...

Hang on...Both of You....

Eyes

Last edited by twoeyez; 02-07-2007 at 10:06 AM.

 
Old 02-07-2007, 04:47 PM   #10
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Eyes,
I just had to write and say thank you for this thread because its helping me to think about alot.I was diagnosed about 3 yrs ago but knew there was something different about me since i was a child,but when i found out ,thats all i thought about was igot something wrong with.me.
I really didnt know i could get better or even feel better about myself until
i got on this heathboard and talked to people just like me.
They didnt judge me or make fun of me or especially say ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD!They just excepted me for who i am and try to encourage me in the bad times and dont make me fill any worst then i already do.
Somebody said to me that i have bipolar, bipolar doesnt have me! That is my goal and your words today really encouraged me. Yes i have along way to go but im trying to look at things in a more positive way.
I feel bad for bp people that dont seek help because it does destroy relationships I really messed up my first family because i didnt know what i had and my first husband just added fuel to the fire but my second family at least i know what i have and can get help.And GOODY i know ive told you this before but you becoming educated and taking the time to find out all you can about your daughter and her illness will help her more than you will ever know.
I know it must be frustrating for you but just be there for her because i know in my own experience even though my husband doesnt understand bp totally he has stuck with me and been there for me thru thick and thin and i will never ever forget that! Thanks eyes for this encouraging thread
Big HUG TEE TEE

 
Old 02-07-2007, 06:34 PM   #11
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Tee TEE (teresa2007) :

Just know that all BPers are with you, my dear.
I know by your heart felt message that you will always receive the love
and support from every BP on this Forum.

I'm glad this Thread is touching people like you. That is why I started it in the first place

My God Bless you as you proceed along this path of Hope as a BPer.

Eyes

 
Old 02-07-2007, 07:50 PM   #12
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Thank you very much! hugs TEE TEE

 
Old 02-07-2007, 08:51 PM   #13
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Hello everyone,

I want all of the BP's here to know I commend all of you for having the foresight to be on this board. It helps all of us cope and is often a great form of therapy. I think Eyes has shown us that you almost need a PHD in bipolar to manage it like he has. A high level of knowledge about the disorder and yourself can put forth a level of responsibility that can give you the stability many dream about. It comes down to controlling it or letting it control you.

For spouses or loved ones of a BP there becomes a level of responsibility we all must all achieve to do our part in keeping life stable. I really wish I had found this board years ago as I think I may have approached it differently. I know sometimes I helped in triggering my wife's episodes and I wish I had the knowledge then rather than now. I commend many spouses here for sticking it out but most of you that do are dealing with BP's that have accepted their disorder and doing everything they can to stay stable. Living with an unmedicated BP that shows no signs of accepting even after a pdoc's dx is a nightmare to say the least. I know that most of the BP's here don't blame me one bit for leaving the marriage, as most know what they were like when unmedicated. It's unbearable and I wish it on no one.

I hope this thread helps to bridge the gap between the BP and Non-BP's. We all have to live in this world together and having the knowledge of what this disorder is will help us all to live healthy happy lives into the future. I pray everyday that my wife will see the light, educate herself and live a stable life for the benefit of herself and the children. It's nice that we can all come together to share our thoughts and hopefully walk away with a more optimistic outlook. We all have the ability to turn negatives into positives if we put our minds to it.


God Bless.........U&A
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"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Last edited by Used&Abused; 02-07-2007 at 09:04 PM.

 
Old 02-07-2007, 08:59 PM   #14
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Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Quote:
Originally Posted by teresa2007 View Post
GOODY i know ive told you this before but you becoming educated and taking the time to find out all you can about your daughter and her illness will help her more than you will ever know.
I know it must be frustrating for you but just be there for her because i know in my own experience even though my husband doesnt understand bp totally he has stuck with me and been there for me thru thick and thin and i will never ever forget that!
Thank you, Tee, for reminding me of this once again. I know how important it is to learn all I can about BP so that I can understand it and be able to support her the best that I can. But even more than that, reading about all that everybody goes through having BP is even more valuable. It helps me to better understand how Erin may be feeling and that is extremely important to me.

I am glad that this thread is here so that we can have a better understanding of how a BPer feels and what their needs may be as well as how much a non BPer wants to help and may feel while trying to support the BPer they love.

Thanks again, Tee ~ Goody

 
Old 02-08-2007, 05:16 AM   #15
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Re: The Eyes and The Used & Abused have something to say.

Quote:
Originally Posted by goody2shuz View Post
Thank you, Tee, for reminding me of this once again. I know how important it is to learn all I can about BP......

I am glad that this thread is here so that we can have a better understanding of how a BPer feels and what their needs may be as well as how much a non BPer wants to help and may feel while trying to support the BPer they love.

Thanks again, Tee ~ Goody
To all have posted on this Thread.....so far :

Goody : In your last paragraph (above), you have really stated the "mission" of this thread.

I know that as we all have thoughts and concerns about BPD,(BP or Non-BP),
We can come here to receive the support we all need.

As U&A always signs off....God Bless

And, Carry On !

Eyes

Last edited by twoeyez; 02-08-2007 at 05:17 AM.

 
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