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Old 08-14-2007, 09:58 AM   #1
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Was I sexually abused?

Well first off I want to say Hi to everyone because I am new here and this is my first post. Also I wasn't sure if I should post this in the Depression section but here goes. I'm a 16 year old female and noticed that I've grown increasingly depressed and lonelier since I was about 12. I have limited social interactions with my friends and I don't understand why. I rarely talk on the phone with them, hang out, and do "normal" teen things. I would rather stay home everyday and be by myself. It's weird though because at school and at my job, I'm very friendly and act like nothing is wrong with me, but outside of that, I just don't have the desire to be social with my peers. I also have low self esteem, I'm not very emotional, and I have problems talking to my parents about anything serious and I'm not sure if it's because I don't trust them or that if I feel they won't understand anything I'm dealing with. Recently, I've been trying to figure out why I was feeling like this and I started thinking maybe it had something to do with what my cousin did to me when I was 6. At the time, my cousin was around 16 too when he used to make me touch him in a sexual way, participate in fellatio, and at times, he would even touch me. He wouldn't use force or hurt me, but I do remember telling him No once and he tried to coax me to continue. I'm not sure how long it actually went on, but I do know that it happened multiple times. I didn't live with him, but he and his two brothers lived with my grandparents and it was a small tradition for my family to visit them every week. I also remember that my dad actually caught him once and my parents asked me a lot of questions about it, but the whole situation was forgotten as if it never happened. I don't remember feeling like I was doing something wrong at the time, so I'm not sure if it's actual abuse because like I said, it was forgotten like it wasn't a serious enough situation. Today, my family and I have a good relationship with my cousin and we act like nothing ever happened. My question is even though my cousin was also a minor at the time, was this actual sexual abuse and why am I just starting to be effected by it or is my depression due to something else?

 
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Old 08-14-2007, 11:22 AM   #2
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Yes, you were absolutely sexually abused.

 
Old 08-14-2007, 07:33 PM   #3
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Thanks for replying. At this point, do you have any ideas of what I can and should do? Right now I am just not comfortable enough to tell something like this to my parents, because like I said, I'm not that close to them. Any help would be appreciated.

 
Old 08-14-2007, 08:47 PM   #4
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

A year ago my husbands family found out that his neice was sexually abused by his dad. So I kinda know what's going on. She is now 13 and has talked to me a lot about her feelings. First off, you need to talk to someone. It doesn't have to be your parents. It could be a school counselor or even your dr. and they could refer you to someone. Since you're 16, I don't think your dr. can talk to your parents without your consent. But I could be completely wrong. Your depression could very well be because of your abuse. Have memories just now surfaced or have you always remembered what happened? I understand your family is close and you don't want to ruin that. You don't have to press charges to come to grips with this and deal with it. It would be very healthy to get some counseling. I hope this helped.

 
Old 08-14-2007, 09:19 PM   #5
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Ok after thinking about this ALL NIGHT...i realized that I made a mistake about our ages. He's actually only six years older than me and I realized that I was a few years older when this happened. Maybe that's why I feel wierd about saying I've been sexually abused because it might have not been that serious. It happened so long ago that it's really hard to know exactly how old I was. To guess I would say I was anywhere from 8-10 years old and he was 14-16 years old. I apologize for the mistake.

Last edited by Babiebkb123; 08-14-2007 at 09:40 PM.

 
Old 08-14-2007, 10:10 PM   #6
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Firstly, the ages make no difference - it was definitely just as bad at the older age. You really need to talk to somebody. If there is a counsellor at your school, that is a good starting point, another would be a local rape crisis counsellor, usually have contacts for those in the phone book. These are people who will understand and be non-judgemental and not try to force you to do anything you are not ready for, like make it public, tell the police etc. Just remember all the way, that this was done to you and you are not in any way to blame. It is good that it has come up for you now, some people paper over this stuff until well on in life and waste a lot of time doing so. Get it dealt with, you need to do this. Sera

 
Old 08-14-2007, 10:59 PM   #7
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

I've been through this myself. Personally, I still can't bring myself to talk about it. I did actually tell my mom about it a good while back, but when it comes to detail and stuff, I don't say anything since my mind seems to have blocked the majority of it out. My mother insists that I talk about it, but she doesn't force it or anything. The person in my case, though, was a stranger, and he was older than me...probably a teen. I was only six and naive since I listened to everything he said. "This is what you're supposed to do when you're a big kid". I wasn't alone either. My cousin (three years younger) was with me...I can't remember if he touched her or anything. She went back home for some reason; I have no idea why I didn't go with her. I didn't really realize how wrong this all was until I got older and got those depressive thoughts.

Prior to that...it was a cousin...five years older than me. Talk about traumatizing, but I wasn't sure if that would count. This incident, I don't talk about at all [no one knows about it], mainly because it's extremely fuzzy and I hate to think of that cousin in a bad light since, for some oddball reason, I've always idolized him.

Maybe you should go see a counselor or speak with a therapist. It may be helpful. The incident still seems vivid enough for you to actually remember it.

 
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Old 08-15-2007, 07:25 AM   #8
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

It's so sad when older kids take advantage of the younger ones. Have you been seeing a doctor or counselor for your depression? What I liked about counseling was how it was somebody I could trust that would keep things to herself and not share with everybody I knew. Also since she wasn't part of what was going on, she gave good, honest opinions and was always there to listen. If you haven't tried it, you should give it a try. If you don't like counseling, you can always stop or try a new counselor. It may be easier than talking to your parents. I know when I was going through some tough times, I just didn't feel like telling my friends or family about it. I haven't been through sexual abuse (which I agree, you were sexually abused and it definitely can cause depression), but a counselor can help you figure out the best way for YOU to feel better about it and leave that in your past.

 
Old 08-15-2007, 08:49 AM   #9
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Ok well I've decided I'm going to talk to my counselor when school starts back up in a couple of weeks. Hopefully she'll be able to help tell my parents about this.

 
Old 08-15-2007, 09:10 AM   #10
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

What happened to you is serious and it is very important that you get to talk about it to start solving it. You have probably blocked it, it is very norma, until something trigered the memories to come back. It is important that you get help to solve this things so you can enjoy a loving relationship once in the future.
And the age issues does not make it less bad. You were forced, deceived or manipulated into something that was not good. your family should be aware of this so no other child is put in risk close to your cousin.
Best luck to you.

 
Old 08-15-2007, 09:39 AM   #11
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Re: Was I sexually abused?

Therapy can really help in these instances. It did a lot for me.

 
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