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Old 09-27-2007, 11:45 AM   #16
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

The next time he tries to slap you, block it then slap HIM with a frying pan! When he regains consciousness, laugh in his face and tell him "It was just a joke" then pack your bags and leave for good. Noone deserves abuse.

 
Old 09-27-2007, 12:03 PM   #17
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

I have to agree with people who suggest you to keep your plan to leave him in secret and never meet him without anybody else around. Don't trust in calling,crying, flowers, threats to commit suicide. A minute you come back he will abuse you even more. Don't heat him back or say something rude even if he does. He may pay you back or use it against you.

 
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Old 09-27-2007, 12:24 PM   #18
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

Thank you so much for all your wonderful words of encouragement. I feel a lot less like I am overreacting, usually all I have to go on is his opinion. It sounds like so many of you have been through the same, and it seems as though you are much happier now even though it is hard to get through. This is probably wierd but I think, if he hit me a little harder it would have been easier, because then I wouldn't be stuck in this "maybe it was a joke" mentality. But maybe it wouldn't be different, I would probably still have some excuse. I don't own anything, besides my clothes any my car, so I am not really worried about the legal junk. I thought of maybe opening my own bank account first, so maybe I could just be prepared and make sure I at least get my paychecks away from him. I just want to be happy. Maybe there is someone out there who can really love me.
Thanks again for your help, I am sure to continue to need it in the upcoming months, weeks, whatever it takes. It makes me feel so glad that some of you said you want to be there for me even though you don't know me. Take care, everyone!

 
Old 09-27-2007, 12:41 PM   #19
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

DEFINATELY open up your own bank account......start planning ahead and be prepared!

 
Old 09-27-2007, 12:41 PM   #20
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

Quote:
Originally Posted by J_A_K View Post
I thought of maybe opening my own bank account first, so maybe I could just be prepared and make sure I at least get my paychecks away from him.
That is a great idea if you can do it without arrousing suspicion. Believe it or not, my MIL told me to do that before we even got married because she figured it would only be a matter of time before he turned into his father. Be sure to keep anything to do with the account (statements, checks, etc..) at a different address like a friend or family member.

Quote:
Originally Posted by J_A_K View Post
I just want to be happy. Maybe there is someone out there who can really love me.
Maybe? Of course there is, YOU! You need to love you and the best way to do that is to get away from this man. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve far better than what he is giving.

 
Old 09-27-2007, 12:45 PM   #21
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

Does your company direct deposit your salary on the bank account? How will you explain him why is stops? May be you can call your HR and ask if it can be stopped and you get a check instead or ask to send it on a new account. It doesn't take long to open an account. I think you still have to move when he is not at home and make sure take your friend or family member to guard you when you pack. You are not safe if he suspects something. You can say that your company was bought by another one and temorarily you'll get a paper check.

 
Old 09-27-2007, 01:12 PM   #22
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

You've gotten lots of good advice and my heart goes out to you. If you need further clarification I recommend the book "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" to help you realize your situation better.
Good luck, you will feel better without him.

 
Old 09-27-2007, 01:17 PM   #23
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

You will need the attorney not because of the lack of finance to dissolve between the two of you; you are going to need one to advise you step by step, how to get out of this since your husband is highly dangerous...

Good attorneys are train to Foresee thing before they happen; that's why they ask you a million questions, they want to make sure the can dodge every landmine he will try to submit himself in court, which may turn out nasty...



I was never married, yet I had a family member that was so abusive like your husband; the one thing I regretted is that no one told me that I should have found an attorney first before anything else, that includes moving too... Going to the police when things got out of control, was not the best thing because it created so much of a dangerous atmosphere, and it started a domino effect...

I later found out two (one I trusted all my life) of the family members were conspiring against me and my dependent, yet thankful I manage to dodge a few legal loopholes to keep my *&) Covered in court because they began to tell the judge that I assaulted them instead, and it was the other way around... SO you are going to need alot evidence and until you find an attorney through a legal aid network in your city, please put things on hold.... Yet always have all of your important paperwork, safety disposit box and a undisclosed location for emergency the getaway...

Last edited by Nexis; 10-02-2007 at 12:34 AM.

 
Old 09-27-2007, 01:41 PM   #24
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

I'm really sorry for what you are going through. You are feeling as though you are being psychologically abused because YOU ARE BEING PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSED. At present you sound unscathed by his actions, but believe me in time his actions/words could lead you to a breakdown. People say 'sticks and stones etc'........words DO hurt and haunt you years after the event. I am very familiar with the 'only joking' line too. It's quite amazing how awful they can be, yet they are excused, (by yourself and myself) because they add 'only joking'.............There are plenty of men out there who don't get their kicks by belittling their spouse, hurting them with words and actions. He is playing a game with you. IF he thinks he is going to lose you, he puts on the charm to win you back. When he knows you feel safe again, he pulls you down again. There is a way out - the front door. Best to leave quietly than running for your life! It will never get better, no matter how much you love him. You can't change him. Good luck.

 
Old 10-01-2007, 08:30 PM   #25
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

wow! get out now.
the truth is you wouldn't be asking the question if you didn't already know the answer.
you just want someone to tell you its OK.
well...its not only OK, its normal.
to be slapped in the face or to be hit at all is such a show of disrespect.
I don't beat people and I don't let people beat me.
if you let people beat you, or hit you then you have a very low opinion of yourself and you letting him treat you this way, makes how you feel about yourself even worse.
and on and on and on.......it will go till you make it stop.
you will never be able to change him.
he has to do that.
but you can change how you let someone treat you.
would you ever treat him that way?
would you slap him?
tell him that being married to him was a mistake?
if you say no, then why?
would you say its wrong?
if its wrong for you, how could it be right for him to do it?
see where I am going?
no butts......
its black and white.
right and wrong.
don't make excuses for either of you.
get out! then get help....to find out why you let this happen and why you stuck you head in the sand and married a guy who was already treating you like dirt.
I did that too!
but I got out.
I still have problems, but I am not afraid, embarrassed, bruised, emotionally controlled.
sonflower

 
Old 10-01-2007, 09:40 PM   #26
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Re: I feel I am being psychologically abused...am I unreasonable?

You are not overreacting and there is absolutely no need to apologise in case someone is going through something "worse". You're going through something bad - that's all that counts. Forget thinking about how it could be worse - it's bad enough. You're being abused. And it's not ok.

Opening your own bank account is a great idea. So is gathering all of his info - his bank details, joint account details, details of all property (yours, his, joint), his social insurance number and employment details...

Stay strong & best wishes

 
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