I am in my late forty's and have been dealing with these memories off and on for years. Ten years a go the last real concreate memory was the male on top of me and the smell of alchol but I could not see his face. I have a black out period in my life and I assume this is when these events occurred. I have other memores that have occurred through the years that are quite disturbing as well again my memories are like a puzzle with lots of missing pieces. I was told in therpy I will remember when I am ready too. Well, now I am having memories of me playing with my doll house and its right down to the minute details. This memory is now filling a void in my life that I once had blocked. Also in this dream I said to myself maybe this is the age this happened and I heard a voice say that I have always known who did it.
My parents are deceased. My mom was dying of cancer when I was being flooded with memories and I didn't have the heart to question her on them. My dad was dead prior to that. I have no one to go to on this but my brain. I need to unlock it and find the answers.
My question is has anyone found the answer to releasing this pain. I know this is what is causing me so much grief in my life.
i believe that your memories will surface when you are ready, it could very well be that the passing of your parents has made this easier, maybe they were duplicitous in the abuse, or you have been subconsciously afraid of burdening them, afraid that they wouldn't care and you'd rather not find that out, or felt that they would be ashamed of you - so many survivors of sexual abuse fear being judged that they should have prevented it or that they somehow brought it on themselves.
i completely understand you wanting to 'get it all over and done with', life is short after all, especially for survivors who are liable to spend their lives waiting to get over it and for their lives to begin. but i would allow the process to take it's 'natural course', the human brain has evolved with such occurrences, unfortunately.
your eagerness to do this though gives me the feeling that perhaps you're hoping one day to be just like everyone else. you may never fully get over the abuse, it's not fair, but you can get over the need to get over it, accept that you may always be different, but be happy none the less, realising that potential for happiness is much more likely when you can let go of making you like this never happened to you.
if you have your heart set on accelerating the process though you could try hypnotherapy. i do find however, that when people just relax in general, when they feel safe to open up, they remember more, and i know that freud turned away from hypnosis because he found talking therapy just as effective.
it is very difficult to find a therapist that you feel 'safe' with, who knows what they're talking about, and who is in it as a vocation and not the prestige or money, just look at others' experiences on these boards! this is perhaps one of the most comfortable places to open up, as you're completely anonymous, and you don't feel already invested from the start in any particular member due to waiting for an appointment, finding the money, clearing the time etc.. and your judgement of whether or not someone's advice is helping you is not clouded by certificates on the wall and letters after their name!
best of luck
Last edited by Administrator; 12-29-2010 at 04:14 AM.
Hi and thanks for your reply. I believe my mom knew of this abuse. I have one memory of her bathing me and crying as she bathed me. I was bleeding. Again, of course I can't ask her. When she was sick with the cancer I wanted to but I felt it would't be right but I also knew I would never know the answers I wanted to know.
IHonestly, if I find out I don't know what I will do. I know when I find out it will only add to the pain. I am sure there is even more painful memories that have been buried that have yet to surface and I maybe asking for too much. I just know all my life I never have had self confidence in myself. I married into an abusive marriage that I have yet to figure a way out. My therapist has said the answers lie within my past as to why I cannot leave. So I seek out my past in hopes oh healing that part of my life and maybe one day working on the present.
Last edited by Administrator; 12-30-2010 at 09:52 PM.
I have been the victim of at least 15 molesters, starting in infancy and going to age 10-11. I also had no memory at all of it until I was 35 and just this past year, got the rest of the memories back....I am 59. My mother had Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy and that was a whole separate abuse story that I have posted about here.
are you currently in therapy with anyone? You need that support to remember.
Last edited by Administrator; 12-30-2010 at 09:52 PM.
it sounds like you're trying to get at this past issue because your therapist has said you can't solve your present issues without understanding your past, this is just not true! you can solve present issues without knowing and understanding the past. by solving the present occurrence of a repeating dilemma, you can gain understanding of the past. by making the changes in the way that you handle life now, you develop an 'outside perspective' on the past you, you can get a 'sense' of what your childhood environment was probably like just by having a clearer view your past self, without having to actually relive it in specific recollection.
a study was done on 'victim mentality' after a psychologist noticed a throwaway comment made by ted bundy, he said that he "could tell by the tilt of a woman's head" whether she was victim material or not. i used to get trampled on, and yes it definitely stemmed from childhood, i was conforming to my 'role' like a good little scapegoat. i found that standing up to my mother came after i learned to stand up for myself in my relationship. it sounds like your therapist would say that's impossible.
i know exactly how you feel honey...the same thing happened to me, but it was at the hands of my father. you have got to dig the memories out, talk about them as and when you need to. know that it wasnt your fault babe. your not in the wrong. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Last edited by Administrator; 01-01-2011 at 05:28 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to littlenightowl For This Useful Post: puffy1 (01-11-2011)
Jenny, Unfortunately I am not in theraphy at the moment. It was getting too hard for me to go after work due to me being so tired and the distance to travel there (40 mins) If only I could find someone closer to me I would definitely go. I wish they had Saturday hours which would be so much easier.
I do agree with you that I need to go back though.
The following user gives a hug of support to AngelJoanne: puffy1 (01-11-2011)
I'm sure there are exceptions, but I believe it's really, really hard to get to repressed material when you don't have excellent support, like a trusted and skilled therapist. I also concur that it's not possible to rush moving into those memories. For me, the biggest factor has been a need to feel safe, and that doesn't come easily. I empathize about how frustrating it is to want to heal and to have roadblocks and important missing pieces.