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Old 01-10-2011, 07:47 PM   #1
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Unhappy Hi

Hello. I joined tonight after reading a few posts on abuse.

I'm looking for answers and support. Not sure of what to say right now but wanted to introduce myself. I guess what I am trying to figure out is if it's abuse if the person is mentally ill. Most people say yes it is................but I just don't know. The silent treatment/ withdrawing seems to be his favorite pass time, that and "jokes"

 
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Old 01-10-2011, 10:11 PM   #2
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Re: Hi

Hi,
Welcome to the forums.

 
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Old 01-11-2011, 07:31 AM   #3
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Re: Hi

First of all, hello. I am new to this section of the board as well. A little history. I have several medical issues and have been active in other parts of the healthboard. However, I am currently going thru a divorce and am a victim of emotional abuse.

Now, I know you didn't go into a lot of detail, but I felt the need to give you my answer to your question. Of course it is still abuse! My soon to be ex-husband has many mental issues and so does his mother (hereditary), and possibly my youngest son. But, that doesn't give them a license to emotionally abuse someone. Whether by example (nurture) or by heredity (nature), he was still abusing us. Mental illnesses like ADHD and OCD and the environment that they grew up in, do not take away choices.

However, I play a part in here as a victim. I have no fault in this, but I had a father with a bad temper, and I guess I allowed some of this to continue and escalate because I thought it was normal. (Very common in abused victims.) And, like you I gave excuses for the way I was treated because of his mental and medical issues. I thought that once they were treated, then he would go back to the man that I thought I married. Also, because of my religious beliefs against divorce, I stayed to try and save the marriage for me and the children. (Also common in abused victims.)

I didn't realize the role that I played in all this until I read a pamphlet in the police station on domestic abuse. I was turning in the guns my husband has to the police on a court order of the restraining order and while waiting I read the pamphlet. So many things lit that light bulb above my head like the controlling, withholding affection, isolation, destroying property, etc.. And, then I read the victim's typical behavior and there I was. I had been a victim of emotional abuse and didn't even recognize it until I saw it in black and white.

Read everything you can on abuse. Education empowers you. And, I'm not going to take the abuse anymore. My children and I don't deserve it. And neither do you.
Best Regards

 
Old 01-11-2011, 03:22 PM   #4
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Re: Hi

Hi, what you have described is emotional/psychological abuse, which has the same traumatic effects as physical or other forms of abuse.

This is toxic, dysfunctional behavior and no one should have to expect this or tolerate it. Look for resources for dealing with toxic or abusive relationships which are so helpful in explaining how we get into these sick relationships and more importantly, how we can avoid them. Allowing someone to abuse us is actually self-abuse...learn about ways to better honor and care for yourself. You deserve to be safe, but you have to take the steps to keep yourself safe. Many times, when we have chosen to allow toxic, abusive people in our lives, it's because we received similar abuse in our past...

Very important: When you choose to let go of this person, consult your local ywca on how to safely get out of an abusive relationship.
Hope that helps...best of luck.

 
Old 01-12-2011, 03:25 AM   #5
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Re: Hi

Silent treatment is one of the worst kinds of abuse! It is psychological and leaves the person receiving the "treatment" wondering what they did to deserve it. It really bothers the receiver and can cause great anxiety.

Do not react to this type of behavior. If the person won't tell you what it is that they think you did wrong and you have tried to explain your view on this then it may be time to just leave them alone for awhile and let them think about it. Perhaps you can come back together at a better time for both of you and discuss your problems rationally. If that isn't possible then I am afraid this is only the beginning. Sincerely, searchin

 
Old 01-13-2011, 10:15 AM   #6
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Re: Hi

I am sorry to hear about the way you are being treated,just rember most of the time the "silent treatment "is only to get a raise out of you,just pretend it doesn't bother you and I bet it stops!!!!!!!

 
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