Re: 19 and just starting to remember childhood sexual abuse
Hi, I really, really.really identify with everything you've said. I never told anyone till I was 18 (I'm only 20 now), till that point I just kind of 'forgot' about it, it was almost like it happened to someone else. I could only remenber silly things like the way the light came through the curtains. Then within a month of remenbering I started having flashbacks, and remenbering things that I don't think anyone should ever remenber and ultimately feeling really lost. I carried on having sex with my boyfriend and that everything was normal, but I started self harming as a way to control my feelings and to make all the bad things in my head go away. Eventually, on the advice of my uni I started seeing a councilor and even though I couldn't remenber things we worked really slowly through things and it has slowly improved.
Now I do remenber more, but still am remenbering things. I think the best way to handle this is to talk to someone you can trust, if you don't know anyone then a doctor, a teacher just someone and get help. I wish I could say its a magic thing and after your first session everything will be okay, but it WILL be on the way- the road to recovery!
PS your not making it up, don't doubt yourself, because that is what he'd want you to do!
Lots of love and all my absolute best