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Old 03-06-2011, 12:29 PM   #1
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Trying to get past old abuse

I was in an abusive relationship for seven years. I have been out of that relationship about a year and three months now. I never really thought of myself as being abused until one day I called a Woman's Center trying to get help to remove this man from my life. I told the woman how he degraded me, cursed me, and occasionally shoved me. She told me that I hope you know that this is an abusive relationship. I had our daughter to think about. She was small but always thought she had to help us keep peace. I did not know how low my self esteem was until he left. I am slowly trying to rebuild and repair my esteem but I can't do it alone. Any suggestions.

 
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Old 03-06-2011, 06:04 PM   #2
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

Hello i just wanted to say that i am glad you got out of that relationship hun and now free to find true happiness in your life. I am also a survivor of abuse of many kinds and my suggestion to you is counselling. I am in therapy for it and its helping me and its really good to learn how to move on with life. Dont let that bully ex ruin the rest of your life he is not worth it.

 
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Old 03-13-2011, 05:21 PM   #3
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

Big Kudos you for working on yourself. That's all we can control.

I recommend local Ala-non groups (attendance doesn't need to be because of alcohol or drugs) and the Domestic Violence support groups. Just listening to the stories of others helps me realign my own thinking about myself and others.

I also like the book 'Women That Love Too Much'. It's really about how our thinking makes us vulnerable to bad people and bad relationships, and how we can change our thinking and protect ourselves, which in turn increases healthy self-esteem.

 
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Old 03-14-2011, 09:19 AM   #4
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

Yes it seems children always feel they need to fix things and they can't. Happy your finally out of that relationship and now it is time for you to get on with your life. Seek some kind of counseling so you can meet others who go through stuff like this, it does help.

It's going to take some time, but remember...you are a very good person and deserve better. Hopefully your life will change all for the best. Keep your chin up and know it wasn't YOUR fault, it was his!

Best of wishes....JJ....
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When you come to the end of your rope..tie a knot and hang on!

 
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Old 03-14-2011, 03:06 PM   #5
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

I was in an abusive relationship where I endured physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. The abuse began while I was pregnant, and began during my 5th month of pregnancy. After my son was born I weighed 80 lbs, continued hemorrhaging and the abuse only grew worse. My screams were heard through the neighborhood where the police was called and he was arrested. Prior to this night I have attempted to call the police several times and often when they arrived with psychical scars, black eyes and terror on my face, they did nothing. My calls to the police only made him more angry and abuse more intense.

It was after this arrest some 17yrs ago that has led to the continued abuse in public streets. I was stalked and beaten at the grocery store, gas station, work anywhere he felt the need to beat me. I had no help and was angry that even after I left my abuser he continues to plague and endanger my freedom to be happy. I self coped becoming a workaholic. I obtained formal education and even post grad education in the dedication of helping others through trauma and healing. As recent as three years ago, he came back after being away for two years, to date I donít remember what happened. I know that today I have been forced to an early retirement, my injuries so great that I cant eat, speak and walking often proves difficulty. I have traumatic brain injury and although the physical scars have disappeared the emotional, psychological and the strength needed to empower self begins.

Itís a tough road and I must admit any one who has survived abuse has already proven that they are a tough cookie! There is no allotted time frame to healing, we will each heal at our own pace. If you would like, we could communicate in aiding the healing process. One source of the healing power is creating happy memories. Also, since you have been in this ordeal for over 7 years, you may be suffering PTSD, I would urge you to seek assistance from either at DV counselor or a psychologist.

Sorry such a long message...

 
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Old 03-14-2011, 08:39 PM   #6
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

Thanks for the reply. Although I did not endure what you have gone through it is all abuse. Thanks for having the strength to give advice and provide assistance. I think I do need to seek counseling. I have even tried to start dating again only to drag all of my old issues into them. I think it's still too soon. Until I get rid of the old demons I will have a hard time moving on.

 
Old 03-14-2011, 10:19 PM   #7
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

I think I need to get that book. I have tried to date and seem to be meeting the same type of guys. Thanks for the reply.

 
Old 03-15-2011, 03:46 PM   #8
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

ah you sound like youve made a really wise and strong choice by saying goodbye to this man, my ex was the same, controlling and emotionally manipulative but not violent in an obvious way. Its hard to work out if abuse is just that but it is really just when someone mistreats someone, and so yes this is abuse. I think in your case the hardest bit is over, the staying single may be lonely sometimes but its the start of a new chapter for you. keeping fit and eating well, taking care of your appearance and seeing friends will really help. making sure you treat yourself well and think about whats good for you,.

You may have been suffering low self esteem before or perhaps you are now, either way you will need to be your own best friend. forget men for a while and decide what you want from life. make a journal, make plans with friends, little things to look forward to every week go a long way. Most importantly dont go back to him and dont move onto anyone else until you are ready. You are strong but dont be scared to ask for help,. The worst is over, the loneliness you sometimes feel now wont be half as bad as life with him would have been. After my abusive ex left I was lonely for a while but I made time to sort my head out and am now with a fantastic man who I love and who loves me. Happiness is out there you just need to settle for no less..

 
Old 03-15-2011, 10:34 PM   #9
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

I feel like you know me so well. I need to get myself together. Today I went for a 2 mile walk and feel great. I need to lose weight because I have a child to take care of. Thanks for all the comforting words and advice. You put it in perspective

 
Old 03-16-2011, 05:37 AM   #10
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotional Scars View Post
I think I need to get that book. I have tried to date and seem to be meeting the same type of guys. Thanks for the reply.

Hi


The book really will help you see what you do and how to change it. I read it along with my Bible. It really helps me see myself from a different view. Let me know how you like it if you do get the book.

 
Old 03-16-2011, 10:29 PM   #11
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

I will let you know when I get the book. I will look for it this weekend. Thanks again.

 
Old 04-07-2011, 09:44 PM   #12
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Re: Trying to get past old abuse

Someone can only make you feel worthless with your consent. The past is only a bag on your back, the moment that you decide to put it down, and LEAVE it there, can you be free. Being FREE IS WONDERFUL! You will get over this, how long it will take you....is up to you. You can suffer this abuse for a long time yet, or you can be kind to yourself and let it go now. The choice is yours. Please be kind to yourself. The hardest lesson on this earth is learning to love yourself. No one can help you do that, so start trying right now.

 
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