after getting away from abusive husband of 11 yrs, it seems like im not totally seperated by the abuse cause of my dreams. theyre constant nightmares. i even had them while i was still with him, and still haing them. i was tramatized by this man for years. it was such a horrible experience for me. i wish this on nobody.
if someone is going through this, please let me know how you deal with these problems. i want to get over it. its like he still has control over me in a way. its hard to go to sleep sometimes, cause i dont want to relive certain things over again. will this ever end?
The following 3 users give hugs of support to: jakes1mom isitjustme (08-01-2011), lisa57 (09-15-2011), sjb (08-16-2011)
I'm sorry for what you have been through, it must have been horrid. I don't know how long you have been seperated but my only advice is to confide in your Dr. and ask for maybe a small dose of a nerve pill till your fears calm down. Not eveything is addictive, especially if taken for a short term.
Hopefully in time you will get out with friends or family and all this will one day be just a lousy memory. Don't forget, you were experiencing this for 11 years, it will not go away overnight. If you work get more involved, if not, maybe some volunteer work??? You need something to take your mind off things. It won't be easy..but trust me, it will get better.
Wishing you all the best...JJ....
When you come to the end of your rope..tie a knot and hang on!
The Following User Says Thank You to JJ For This Useful Post: jakes1mom (03-26-2011)
it is not easy to get over, thats for sure. i know with time comes healing. i appreciate your kind words and encouragment to me. i really have came a long way. i actually used to jump when someone would raise they're arms or hands. it took me a while to get over it, but i did. so i know it's some hope for me. exleast it's a dream right. it's not real. thanks again.
Nope..it sure won't be easy as I saw a friend go through it. That was 3 years ago, and now she is such a different person, happy and getting on with her life.
Trust me, after seeing what she went through, I feel for you, but you will do fine, but all in good time. I think just coming here and getting support is a major step for you, glad you did it. I think you will find this a wonderful support group, so if your feeling down just hop on over, we are hear to help as much as possbile.
Take it slow, but as I said..you will make it...JJ...
When you come to the end of your rope..tie a knot and hang on!
The Following User Says Thank You to JJ For This Useful Post: jakes1mom (03-29-2011)
It took me along time to get over the abuse I sufferd as a child,I would have bad dreams and stay up for days,,It does get better but there isnt an overnight cure,,What really helped me was writing,I took out a piece of paper and wrote and wrote..It seemed to get it off my chest,The hardest part for me was I thought I was going crazy.I was in more doctor,pastors,friends,psychiatrist chairs than I can count, I had a movie that would play in my head every night. It was hard for me because whoever I talked to would listen to me but not hear me.Time is the best healer.
Last edited by Mod7; 08-01-2011 at 09:57 AM.
Reason: Please avoid triggering information
I know what I am about to say may make you think yeah right but it helped me out.
As a little girl, I was molested by my Grandmother's husband. I bottled it up for years and didn't and couldn't tell anyone about it.
You need to find the closest and most dearest friend you have and talk to them and spend alot of time with this person. I did this with my now husband.
Another thing which is the thing, is sit down and remember everything as a child that was good, keep thinking about everything, if you have to repeat, think about the things you and your mom would do together, things that your family would do together and tell yourself, because you have to talk to yourself also, people think by talking to yourself that you are crazy, no, that is the other way around, by talking to yourself you put yourself at ease. And keep telling yourself, you will not think about life from this date in time even if you have good times in that era, it will keep coming back.
You need to think and talk about the times of your life when your ex husband was not in it.
Do not listen to any music that came from that part of your life or any songs that may remind you of your husband.
For some reason, everytime I start thinking about what happened to me 30 years ago, I always go back to the 4th grade and think about my teacher and that she took me to lunch one day because I was picked for a luncheon date with her. Then I think of the stuff that we did when we were out of class, then that starts going into other things that were good at that time, because that happened the year after all of the molestation. You want to pick a time close that was happy, but not too close.
Then I think about my Mom and Dad and how much I love them, even though I couldn't tell them, I always tell myself that I should have told them at the time, then. Then I will go online and just drown myself with old TV shows and just fun things and by the time an hour or two has passed and it is all gone.
I do still think about it but not like I used to, I used to cry everytime I thought about it, but now I have it all under control and I do talk to everyone about it which makes the healing alot better.
Wow, I hope I haven't talked your head off and bored you, but I hope that I have helped just a little, to make you feel better.
Have a great night sweetie.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: isitjustme Phoenix (08-18-2011), sjb (08-16-2011)
hello, I wanted to thank you for your kind words of support and encouragment. You seem to be a really caring person, someone who I can really say is a nice person. And that means alot to me. It seems that people are too busy these days to actually be nice to someone, what a shame huh?And thanks again for your kind words of hope. As far as my dreams go, I still have them from time to time. I guess that it will always be like that cause it was such a large impact on my life, then and now. I have came out of a better woman for it. i can say that because i know it to be the only true. I lived such a fake life, a lie was really what i was living when I was with him. I lied to myself, my family and well I didn't really have any friends to lie to because he wouldn't allow me to have any friends. But if I would have had a fiend, I would have lied to them also. Pretending to be someone i wasn't was the worst thing , besides stay with that man another minute that i could have dne to myself. I was lying to myself about being that abused wife that i saw on tv or heard about on the news that had been beat or murdered by her own husband.I am no longer living that lie, I am a very happy woman now. Even though my son has taken sides with his daddy, its ok, its got to be ok. If I could change it, i would but i cant. So, I live everyday like it's the best day of my life, or exleast try anyways. Im not a rich woman, finacially but Im the richest woman in the world when it comes to a happy home life.I sure dont take what i have now for granted at all. cause i know what is out there in the real world, alot of ugliness. It's as much difference in the woman I am now, then the scared poor pitiful thing I used to be. i can say that the man I have now has totally help me learne to be the woman i always wanted to be. His momma has been the mother to me that i've always needed in my life, not just been a mom to me but showed me the way a true woman is to be treated by herself, and by others. I've learned a great deal about life since i started living one and not pretending to have one. i had to start with myself before i could deal with other people. i learned that i was also abusing myself and that I had to stop and I did.Letting go of the past is not always easy for someone, even if they dont like who they have become. The only way to do something about it is to learn a new way of living, a new found respect for oneself. thats what i had to do, and even with all that, i still am haunted by dreams. With the help from here, i think i can learn to deal with it, dealt with alot worse. The good news is that, i will wake up when it's all over, if i were still with my crazy x, i might not be here to wake up again. Im gonna really try to make something good out of this, instead of dwelling on the bad. I've been cleaning out our closets these past 3 days, to give clothes to a organization for abused women and children who have to relocate and move from abusive homes. It gave me an idea, every time i have a nightmare, im gonna throw a dollar or two in a jar and give this money to that organization in my town, it wont take too long to collect a few dollars. i think the meds I take for Lupus might have alot to do with the dreams i have. i've done a little research and think the meds can have a big impact on my dreams. But, what I dream, when I do wake up, it will just make me a better person and a stronger more determined woman. As far as me not being on here in a while, I've been kinda down with my lupus here for a few weeks now. Been having some swelling ,just on my left side of body. I went to my primary dr, who wants me to go see a new rummy that she likes, maybe i'll get to get to see her before to long. I had to have an increase in my prednison, so i noticed that my nightmares had increased with my meds. I called my primary and told her about this and she gave me a script for a few valium, just a few, nothing that i would want to take every nite. They do seem to be working out for me. Maybe, I should dig a little deeper into the possablity that i need to actaually take something every now and then for my nerves, its something me and my dr will have to discuss. I agree with what my dr said, if you need to take medicine for whatever the ailment may be, take it like your supposed to and give it a chance to work before someone tells you that it's addictive, what works for others may not work for you and vice versa. So, yeah im open minded about things, willing to try it out before i knock it out. I am doing better though with my dreams and that is a good thing. Now, i just have to get this Lupus under control a lot better. And i have all the faith in the world that i will, If it's GOD"S will. So, thanks again for your kind words, and may GOD bless all your days, stay the kind person you are right now and you will always be a special person on this earth. thanks a bunch!!!
Hi There is one more thing I might try. I would not eat late at night. Eating late or heavy is said to cause nightmares. The last meal should be several hours before bedtime. The third meal of the evening I would make very light, a peice of bread and a peice of fruit. I would not use anything hard to digest at night such as nuts, oil, vegetables or eggs. I hope this helps.
I'm just tossing this out there because you've really gotten some great answers by everyone else. IF you try everything and they don't stop, there is medicinal route to take. I've suffered from awful nightmares and actual also deal with amnesic dreamstate self injury. I have a bad habit of cutting in my sleep when I'm dreaming I'm striking out at on of my childhood molestors or tormentors. Psychologically I couldn't take it anymore, I also have BiPolar Disorder....so my pdoc prescibed Clonodine, it's a blood pressure med, but also used as a dream suppressant. It's worked very well for me.