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Old 04-14-2011, 11:59 PM   #1
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I will never forgive myself.

I will never forgive myself for what I have done. I was so young and confused. My cousin was getting sexual with me with underwear on when we were 9. Which may have triggered me doing the same thing to my younger sister when i was younger. I don't want to blame it on my cousin because it was something that I did to her. I am so so sorry.

When I was 9 or 10 years old and my sister was 6 our dad got in a car accident that made him crippled. As a result he and my mother were gone a lot for doctors appt and I was left to watch my sister. I touched her inappropriately. I feel absolutely awful and I know it has affected her. I am so so sorry and love her more than anything and never want to hurt her. How can I fix this? I need help. I need her to be okay because she is beautiful and wonderful... and confused and angry because of me. I didn't know what I was doing and I never meant for this. It haunts me so often and I know I probably ruined her life without knowing it at the time. Help??

Last edited by Administrator; 04-19-2011 at 09:42 PM. Reason: removed unecessary and inappropriate details

 
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Old 04-15-2011, 01:02 PM   #2
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Re: I will never forgive myself.

When you were young , it happened to you... You were still young when what you did with your sister. I am certain this would not have happened if it did not happen to you first.

If you could talk to your sister about this, and let her know how sorry your are, and you picked up this behacior because it DID happen to you first. Communication is the key , so you can forgive yourself. Just to let you know it is not unsusal for children to experiment with their siblings or cousins> All you knew was that it felt good , If you knew it was wrong at that age and did it anyway then that is a diffeent story.
Now that you are older and know better, you can see how your behavior may have hurt your sister unknowingly. If your sister ever told you to STOP, or try to get away from you , and u did it anyway to her , then it changes things. If your sisterwas a willing participant , then this is more like child exploration then anything major. Most kids will and have done the excat same thing.

If your unable to talk to your sister, you would feel a lot better if you could go into therapy and work it out in a safe place.

You really need to forgive yourself, seriously, like i said before kids do and will explore each other's bodies... That is not abnormal behavior. But , when a child grows up and then knows it is not right , the behavior stops, but the guilt cdan linger. That is what I think is happening to you.

 
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Old 04-15-2011, 09:55 PM   #3
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Smile Re: I will never forgive myself.

Many times during our most inquisitive years we make mistakes such as this. There is no doubt that humans are animals! Don't take that the wrong way, at all!! It just means that we all have primative urges and we act on them. It takes an educated mind to decipher right from wrong. You wouldn't do that to her now, right? That means you're a different person, with new values and goals that have nothing to do with decisions of the past. If she has been effected by the 'affections' of who you used to be, don't hesitate...life is short....talk to her in an appropriate setting to set her free. She is deserving of that so she can let go of something she has possibly thought about more than you....

 
Old 04-19-2011, 11:34 AM   #4
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Re: I will never forgive myself.

I think that you need to come to terms with what you were doing.... If it was out of curiosity, and you all were kids, it's not necessarily sexual abuse.Kids experiment sexually when they are little. The thought that you feel so guilty about it, makes me think that you might need to go to counseling,especially if you are going to keep dwelling on it in your mind.

 
Old 04-29-2011, 09:36 PM   #5
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Re: I will never forgive myself.

Okay...Here I go. I understand the doing things that you were not sure at the time was wrong. You have to understand that you made a choice that you now have to live with. If this is something you are truely sorry for, do yourself the favor and admit it to your sister that you knew that what you did was wrong. Then unfortunately you have to accept her response, whatever it is. You have to give her the space she needs to vent her anger, frustrations, guilt for not understanding why it was happening, and so on. This is not a path you will want to go on but if you are sincere you will accept the consequences for your actions and help her come to a better understanding of what happened to her, then you can get help for yourself because of course you didn't really at the time, it seems, understand that what you were doing was inappropriate. The first step is to admit to your wrongs directly to the person you effected. I would be open to hearing how things continue with your situation. GOD be with you is all I can say.

 
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