Join Date: Apr 2011
escaped from abuse
Hey there people.
Im only 17, but last summer i escape from a year and a half abuse relationship. It wasnt a very long time, but because i met this person when i was only 15, i was sucked into this nightmare, and influenced beyond my controll. This relationship changed me at a time that i was so trusting. Anyway
It all started perfect, the typical "love at first sight" which i look back and feel sick. He was lovely, funny and attractive. I did start to notice wierd parts of his personality at first, like he would go into strange quiet moods and walk off and leave me. I thought little of it because i was blinded by the excitement of a new relationship.
The controll began. He told me he was raped, and refused to see me for weeks, when i finally saw him, and after hours of me crying and asking what had happened he admitted that he had made it all up. I was devasted to think this person had lied, i couldnt understand why. But i forgave him, obviously, thats how it goes. We would get into arguements about the silliest things, but it was end up with him raging like a monster, he would grab me by the jaw and squeeze until it was agonizing, and throw me around the room like a ragdoll until i would have to walk into college with bruises scattered over my arms. He would lie on top of me and scream in my face on many occassions, saying he was ashamed of me, calling me many names, and then he would break down crying on the floor and begging for my forgiveness. When i tried to run, he would turn back into the monster, it was like fakeness to controll me which made me feel sick and confused. Many things happened like this, and i began not wanting to go out, i was sleep all day and i started smoking to cope with the miserable life that i suddenly had, all it consisted of was me and him. I didnt know myself or anyone else anymore.
I had gone from happy, fun loving person to this fragile, timid shadow of my former self.
I lost alot of the wieght i was. I began to become gaunt and ill, trying to survive on blueberrys for breakfast and some toast in the evening, it kind of numbed the pain, like gave me something to focus on, a goal to aim for.
I knew it was all wrong, but for some reason, like so many others, i could see the light but i didnt know how to get to it because everytime i tried to get out, he would find a way to break me down and it would be easier to just grin and bare it. I went with him, stupid me, a million miles from home! i dont know why i went there, but it was a compkete disaster. It ended with him throwing my things out of the top window, him screaming down the road calling me anmes, and why would anyone want me? I was left crying and shaking, not even strong enough to stick up for myself, i just wanted to give up. I phoned my dad, he drove hours in the car to get me and i was so relieved, suddenly, i had the strenghth to leave. its like i stopped being scared of him, and started to pity him.
And now 7 months on, i do feel alot happier, and i have made a new life for myself, but i am suffering from severe panic attacks and an anxiety disorder, sometimes the images flash in my head, or in new situations with new people i feel as though i cannot cope and i dont trust anyone. But im forcing myself to get better, getting counselling and helping myself. For anyone out there who is in a relationship like this or worse, you may feel weak and scared, but the strong woman (or man) in you will find a way out, whatever it takes, and it will be the best thing you ever did, its not easy but atleast the next time round you will know the warning signs and end up with a LOVELY person who will treat you like you deserve.
Just wanted to share my story as i never thought i would end up in a relationship like that. Goodluck everybody, theres life after abuse!!
Last edited by Administrator; 04-19-2011 at 09:51 PM.