Hey there people.
Im only 17, but last summer i escape from a year and a half abuse relationship. It wasnt a very long time, but because i met this person when i was only 15, i was sucked into this nightmare, and influenced beyond my controll. This relationship changed me at a time that i was so trusting. Anyway
It all started perfect, the typical "love at first sight" which i look back and feel sick. He was lovely, funny and attractive. I did start to notice wierd parts of his personality at first, like he would go into strange quiet moods and walk off and leave me. I thought little of it because i was blinded by the excitement of a new relationship.
The controll began. He told me he was raped, and refused to see me for weeks, when i finally saw him, and after hours of me crying and asking what had happened he admitted that he had made it all up. I was devasted to think this person had lied, i couldnt understand why. But i forgave him, obviously, thats how it goes. We would get into arguements about the silliest things, but it was end up with him raging like a monster, he would grab me by the jaw and squeeze until it was agonizing, and throw me around the room like a ragdoll until i would have to walk into college with bruises scattered over my arms. He would lie on top of me and scream in my face on many occassions, saying he was ashamed of me, calling me many names, and then he would break down crying on the floor and begging for my forgiveness. When i tried to run, he would turn back into the monster, it was like fakeness to controll me which made me feel sick and confused. Many things happened like this, and i began not wanting to go out, i was sleep all day and i started smoking to cope with the miserable life that i suddenly had, all it consisted of was me and him. I didnt know myself or anyone else anymore.
I had gone from happy, fun loving person to this fragile, timid shadow of my former self.
I lost alot of the wieght i was. I began to become gaunt and ill, trying to survive on blueberrys for breakfast and some toast in the evening, it kind of numbed the pain, like gave me something to focus on, a goal to aim for.
I knew it was all wrong, but for some reason, like so many others, i could see the light but i didnt know how to get to it because everytime i tried to get out, he would find a way to break me down and it would be easier to just grin and bare it. I went with him, stupid me, a million miles from home! i dont know why i went there, but it was a compkete disaster. It ended with him throwing my things out of the top window, him screaming down the road calling me anmes, and why would anyone want me? I was left crying and shaking, not even strong enough to stick up for myself, i just wanted to give up. I phoned my dad, he drove hours in the car to get me and i was so relieved, suddenly, i had the strenghth to leave. its like i stopped being scared of him, and started to pity him.
And now 7 months on, i do feel alot happier, and i have made a new life for myself, but i am suffering from severe panic attacks and an anxiety disorder, sometimes the images flash in my head, or in new situations with new people i feel as though i cannot cope and i dont trust anyone. But im forcing myself to get better, getting counselling and helping myself. For anyone out there who is in a relationship like this or worse, you may feel weak and scared, but the strong woman (or man) in you will find a way out, whatever it takes, and it will be the best thing you ever did, its not easy but atleast the next time round you will know the warning signs and end up with a LOVELY person who will treat you like you deserve.
Just wanted to share my story as i never thought i would end up in a relationship like that. Goodluck everybody, theres life after abuse!!
Last edited by Administrator; 04-19-2011 at 09:51 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to tribebaby1: owl woman (07-31-2011)
I definitely can relate to you on this--- When I was 16 I started dating someone who was 21. We had met over Myspace and I was instantly fascinated with him because of QuailMan being his name. Things started off being pretty good, I had just gotten over a rape situation a year prior and was still extremely fragile and my parents were going through a 6 year divorce that was extremely traumatizing for me. So "Quailman" was my hero at the time. I was very standoffish from him for awhile as I was with everyone I came in contact with, but he proved that I could trust him within a month. At first we were only able to see each other if I snuck out of the house at night. So I did for the first 3 months of our relationship. Sometimes we just hung out in his car and watched Ren&Stimpy or messed around. And sometimes we would go to his apartment and I would stay there until 4AM and then sneak back in before my mom had to get up for work. She caught me a couple times, but I just wouldnt go out for a week or two and then start it back up again. Then one day we decided to start sneaking him into my house, and thats when my dogs smelled him and alerted my mom. The thrill of getting caught is always what drove me. But that night he got in a lot of trouble! My mom was going to call the cops on him and wrote down all his information. Then the next morning I noticed a note on our doorstep, he had wrote my mother an apology letter for causing her so much worry but that he was in love with me and knew he shouldnt have been sneaking behind her back but really wanted to prove himself in a proper manner. So for about a month she hated him and then allowed him to take me on dates properly. Things went really well, and it surprised me that he actually was willing to do all that for someone who was only 16 and he was an extremely attractive guy. But then I found out what his problem was. He was emotionally ruined by females. He had watched his mother die from alcohol poisoning because she was extremely depressed. While she was dying, he had a girlfriend at the time who decided to cheat on him and get pregnant with someone else who she worked with, and then got married to him later on. It was very traumatizing for him and so I felt very connected to him because he could see why I was such an emotional wreck myself... But at the time I didn't fully realize how much I hated men at that point and was trying to destroy them.
For the first year we were super happy, but then all of a sudden, things changed. It was because of both of us, maybe more so me... He was talking about getting married and bought me a ring. I accepted but in my mind I was extremely unhappy about it, but didn't know how to tell him, so instead I decided I needed to make him hate me. And the best way to do that was to cheat on him. So I did quite a few times. But he always just put it aside and loved me and cherished me... Which confused me and made me hate him, because I felt that he was trying to control me and thought of me as only a possession. He would control who I hung out with and who I talked to and how long I talked to them. **Let me clarify the cheating part... I don't think it was necessarily considered cheating because we would break up and get back together so often it was hard to decipher when we were actually together still at that point... Also whenever I broke up with him and we would agree not to see each other, my mother would call him and have him pick me up from work or tell him I didn't mean it that she knows I was still in love with him and then next thing I know he's sitting in our living room acting like part of the family again...** Sooo anyways, about 6 months before we officially ended our relationship, he started beating me. One time we were laying on the couch watching a movie, and randomly he twitched hardcore, and just slammed his fist into my ribs... I asked him if that was from the twitch and he claimed it was from something the movie triggered in him and the twitch was him trying to fight it back... So I thought oh well at least he tried to fight it... So I didn't pay no mind even though my ribs were killing me. Then one time we were kissing on the couch and he made this weird growl and then grabbed my throat and started squeezing as hard as he could and his eyes kept switching between hatred and tearing up... It was very disturbing. One time he just started punching me in the arm and in the side and my mom came in and was like well you deserve it even though I was crying for her help.
When I was walking with my friends in school they would always be asking me why I had bruises on my arms and face and stuff... and I always just said it was from walking into a pole or something because I get careless and fall over sometimes over random stuff.
Then at one point during the relationship I got pregnant. I remember standing in the bathroom and crying hysterically because I knew he was going to be really angry because his dad and stepmom kept filling his head with doubt and anger. They kept telling him that he was going to get caught and end up in jail and that would be guaranteed if I got pregnant... It didn't matter that my mother adored him and was practically allowing us to get married when I was 17 she would easily sign me off to him. So when I got pregnant, it felt like my world ended. I sat there for a really long time and then he came to the door and started knocking... So I opened it and he looked at me and just was like... Well I guess I know what the outcome is... And next thing I knew he was coming at me and it looked like he was going to hug me so I started raising my arms to hug him back and he slugged me right in the ovaries/stomach area. I immediately fell over and started bleeding profusely... He started crying and telling me he was sorry he wouldn't go to jail and it would be the nurses' decision at the hospital if they found out he was the father... And I just was stunned, I dont remember crying at all, just sitting on the toilet and feeling woozy because I was losing so much blood. I believe I miscarried on the spot. I saw some weird thing in the toilet that looked similar to a slightly large blood clot.
After 2 years of being together or maybe a couple months more than 2 years, we both looked at each other and decided it was best to leave each other and go seperate ways. We both were a mess and couldn't handle each other in a proper loving fashion.
Ever since that relationship I have had a lot of awkward ones and sometimes I sit there and think about him and remember the good times and think maybe because I matured from that time we would be able to work things out again. But then I remember the bad parts, and I just cringe at dealing with it again.
Currently I am in a relationship that is going on 2 years and we live together. We compliment each other perfectly and get along great. So don't lose hope when it comes to relationships. I'm sure you will find the perfect guy or at least someone who can accept you for all your flaws and you'll be able to accept him for all his. And hopefully they won't be flaws that are in a pattern of harming you and then apologizing because those patterns are never healthy.
I believe in you girl You can live a happy life apart from harm and sadness.