FIRST OFF,im 17 now i was 9 years old when i was chocked by my father and my mom doesn't know she works monday-friday My father is VERY CONTROLLING OVER ME AND MY MOTHER. (parents are not married) but we live in his house he also has a very bad temper and has been to prison and jail both multiple times..he once came into my room with a metal bat swung it at the edge of my bed and told me WAKE UP YOU LAZY SON OF A B***** not going to put the real words into this website..but what im trying to say is what should i do because whenever i go home when they are fighting it feels like i always end up in the middle of it SOMEHOW. he has screamed at me and swore at me so many times,i just don't know what to do anymore even my boyfriend (fiancee) is afraid that if i go home i won't come back,my dad has even taken my cell phone away from me before and slammed it on the floor,and disconnected our house phones so we couldn't call for help..i just don't understand why my mom doesn't tell anyone about this im sometime,MOST THE TIME SCARED FOR MY LIFE...please i really need advice is this even abuse?
first, I am sorry to hear about your sitution. You say you are 17, have you tryed talking to a school counsler or a teacher? do you have relatives you can confide in? can you hang in there till your 18 and get out of that house? You & your Mom are battered women, maybe you need to contact the local sheriff or police?
I wish you safety,
Your mother is probably dependent upon your step-father for money and for paying the bills, so she puts up with his abuse towards herself and towards you, in order to survive financially. There are many spouses and children who are also living in fear in an abusive household.
What a living nightmare, isn't it?! The place that you should feel the safest, and the place that you should be happy, is the very place that makes you unhappy, puts great stress on you and makes you live in fear. Sorry.
I would get the number for the local battered woman's shelter. I would keep records of the abuse and even pictures if he gets physical with either you or your mom. I would stay out of his way as much as possible.
Have you been able to talk with your mom about the situation? If not, you might consider it, but not to accuse her, or blame her for staying with him. She might feel that she has no place else to turn. You might bring up the local battered woman's shelter, just to see what she thinks.
Have you called the National Domestic Violence Hotline? They are experienced in abuse problems and can give you advice.
In the meantime, take care, be careful and stay safe.
This is absolutely abusive. Your Mom probably doesn't want to leave out of fear and finances... you need to speak with her and explain how unsafe you feel. Tell her if she doesn't take care of you and herself, like she needs to that you will do what you need to do, which may include calling child services or the police. I m not sure where you live, but there are all kinds of womens shelters that you can both go to until you figure out something permanent. Tell you Mom you need her to do the right thing...
Be prepared - she might say no. This does not mean you are obligated to ruin/jeopardize your life... get out of there! Talk to someone at your school and get them to help you plan an exit. You don't deserve to live in fear. You have so much to offer and you're 'dad' doesn't deserve to have you around.
I would check with your local police department and see if they have any victim advocates that you could speak with. Most of the time they are not police officers but a middle ground to help you out. They can inform you of what resources there are for the two of you and at a minimum just talk about the situation. I can not give you difinitave advice because I am not sure what Michigan law states. Choking is definately abuse. Most of the other stuff stated is borderline at best (in my state).
Remember one thing, if the arguments between your mom and your dad are getting physical or even if you think they are getting close... call the police. Even if your cell phone is turned off IT WILL CALL 911!!!
Good luck to you and hang in there,
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The Following User Says Thank You to joebob254 For This Useful Post: melodyinLOVE (05-13-2011)
It sounds like its time for you to somehow get out off your home. Are there any relatives you could live with? Even a family friend?
This is abuse and it could become very dangerous for you. Your mom chooses to stay but this doesn't mean that you have to stay.
Talk with teachers ,relatives,social workers anyone that can help you get out of this volitile living situation..
I agree with all the previous suggestions, especially the ones which would offer you a safe place to stay, such as a woman's shelter...who also can provide you with a safe exit plan. If you reach out to one source that does not offer you a good, safe solution, try another route. Just do not give up until you are safely out of that house.
Many women in your mothers situation are suffering from abuse but handling it in a dangerous way, out of fear or financial issues. You need to provide yourself a way out, whether your mother is ready to leave or not.
I am so sorry you are having to deal with such difficult issues as young woman, but it is not your fault and it does not have to mar your future. Please let us know how you are doing, and how we can help further...
no,there is just me and my mom no other little or big siblings. nobody knows about my dad being abusive not even our family i was thinking on living with my family in arizona (im sorry idk how to spell it) but im also sad if i do that because that means i would be almost arcoss the country from my boyfriend,they also want me to be safe but they said i can live with them but they already have 2 other kids beside my boyfriend (his younger sister and younger brother) so i feel like im a fourth child if i move in and would cause more drama which they don't need,but they always say if i need them call them.
P.S sorry for the misspelling
if you can move in with your family, never mind the distance it would be better than living with your BF's family, your Dad most likely hate that arrangement. your BF will understand it's for your well being! can you try to get your Mom to go with you?
do not go to a school cons. honestly they usually call your house and talk to your parents and ask if there is any problems at home, if you are that concerned...and yes this is physical and emotional abuse unless you are planning on moving out right away at 18 which could end you up being homeless at that age you should get proof like audio recording or video recording and go straight to dhs or dhfs whatever you have in your area.
Only I can suggest to you melody is you should have to go away in that house because if you will not go away in that house he will on abusing you...Or maybe you can report that in the police and you should tell the truth to them..
I ran away from home at a young age..I ended up living in foster care..In my situation my father was physically abusive.Then my mom would try to make it all better,,wrong is wrong.if it is not safe or you are feeling in danger GET OUT OF THERE,,,go to other family members to stay with,,Or get the police involved..You dont want things to get worse..
Last edited by Mod7; 08-01-2011 at 08:41 AM.
Reason: Please watch language/use of triggering information
Hi, sorry about your current situation. your almost 18, you can take care of yourself so why don't you move in with ur boyfriend? he seems like a great bloke who cares for you. talk to your mum when you get the time or call the child help line, they can give u tips and some advice. do you have close relatives that you trust, if so talk to them about this issue, you may never know, they could help.
i know by now you are scared and confused but praying and letting out your problems to God helps, after all that's what he's there for. is there like a place you can go and get your own peace of mind, just you? when you are there you can just take your time to think about what is happening and what started it, then find your way of solving it. try church and talk to one of the pastors/counsellors, they can help pray for you.
then finally after praying, gather up the courage and go confront your dad and talk to him. maybe all this is about attention, since your mom is not always there most of the time. he could just want someone to talk to, you know, he probably thinks you guys are ignoring him in a way, he wants you to notice him, anyway if he doesn't budge, then at least you've tried. NOTE: make sure you go with someone, just in case he gets confrontational. thanks and hope this helped you. God bless and Good luck. God loves you
Last edited by Mod7; 08-02-2011 at 02:24 PM.
Reason: Please refrain from posting text abbreviations and potentially illegal behavior.
I would go with the exit plan, I have high doubts the guy is going to change and I agree with what others have posted that there's probably some co-dependency issues going on with your mother and she has to muster the courage to leave him on her own.
You're going to have to look after your own safety and sanity first, then maybe later down the road help your mother if possible.
You're 17 and you need a safe-house to start out with and then start building a life outside the home. You're going to have to grow up fast and start taking care of yourself as the current home has become unsafe.