I FINALLY got the guts to up and leave my husband after trying my hardest to make the marriage work.
I have a few illnesses - some I had prior to meeting him, others that have developed since we have been together.
Marriage is for 'better or worse, in sickness and in health' and I tried my darnedest to stick to my vows and I did not take them with a view to leaving the marriage.
I really should have read the warning signs, but I didnt. I have had people tell me over the years that I should get out, and that he treated me badly and should not have spoken to me like he did, and that he was controlling.
I couldnt go to my friends houses without getting a phone call about an hour later asking when I was planning on being home?
As time went on, I couldnt have phone conversations with friends without him demanding to know WHO I was on the phone to and complaining if I was talking for more than 5 minutes, and hovering around even when I was on the phone to my parents - and then blaming ME for talking on the phone for him not getting things done that he wanted to do.
I couldnt go away for a weekend without prior to me going, him having a massive fit at me for some reason, and likewise when he went away.
I went interstate a couple of times with friends, and was receiving phone calls to see when I was planning on being home, and rushing me to get home - which resulted in me being tired driving, and my stress levels rising something chronic.
My libido is non exisitant mostly due to my illnesses, and I was being constantly pressured to have sex, and if I said no, I was belittled and made feel like I was useless and stupid and not any good as a 'wife' because I wouldnt meet his needs.
I would constantly be told what to do, and I would get lectured on a regular basis - sometimes for hours on end
It was when I started standing up for myself that things escalated. The controlling nature got worse in him, and he refused to see a counsellor at all.
Eventually my counsellor got him to come to an appointment. Over time, the counsellor obviously saw through his crap and we were trying to make things work.
Eventually, after I had been seeing the counsellor myself again for some time, and had told her I really wanted out, and the counsellor agreed with me and was supporting me in my decision... a few things happened, and I left.
It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and a couple of departments we are involved with had been let know some things, and when they asked me directly about them, I did not lie to them and filled them in on the details.
I had also been to the police, applied for a restraining order. Obviously he was upset and confused, and I was horribly upset as well, but I HAD to leave. For my own sanity, health and as much as I loved him (or thought I loved him), the relationship was NOT healthy, and neither of us deserved to be unhappy.
I am by no means perfect, and never professed to be. I KNOW I have my faults and I KNOW that I contributed to the relationship breakdown as well. I shut down emotionally, and after being told how useless and stupid I was and that I didnt love him CONSTANTLY....
You know that old 'if you hear something often enough you believe it?'... well aint that the truth!
I DID believe I was stupid, usless and that everything was my fault all the time... and that I couldnt do anything right and I was damn lucky that he tolerated me.... and that without him I couldnt cope.
I have also since found out that apparently a couple of my friends have been blamed for me leaving, because I am not 'smart enough' to figure out what to do on my own and that I wouldnt have the guts to leave without them egging me on.
I am also being given orders as to who I can talk to, who I can say what to, and what I can and cant do and what the consequences will be if I dont keep my mouth shut and my fingers off the keyboard. Apparently it will cost me more and I wont get anything I want.
Honestly, I am sooooooooooooooo much better off out of the marriage. My health issues have been MUCH improved wince I have not had the stress and worry that anything I do or say may be the wrong thing and may trigger a lecture or a couple of hours of belittling.
I am feeling sick about posting this - as I also get stalked around the internet, and he figures out who I am and then takes me to task over anything I may post.
But I NEED to get this out....
I dont know if there is any point to this post, other than I needed to get this all out, and I need to know I am not alone and that it ISNT my fault, and that I am not stupid or useless