My bf was sexually abused as a child by his stepfather. I am so saddened and sickened to hear that. He went for a bit of counselling last year. I want to be there for him, but I am not sure how to.... Also emotional abuse/neglect from his mother.
Any tips please?
sometimes therapy is not the best thing in the world, but if it helps go with him even if your just waiting in the lobby. also if he doesn't think it's helping or doesn't want to go then don't make him it only works if you think it will work and some people aren't ready.
My son was sexually abused during a visit with his father. It was a long hard battle to get my son better but it can be done. There are several things you can do to help your boyfriend. First thing is let him get counseling on his own. Second do a counseling session with him so you can discuss what you can do to help him. Third realize that it is up to him to get better you can not force the issue. A person can not get better unless they want to get better.
Thank so so so much for all of your help!! I have never been on this board and am totally unsure what to do to help him. I do realize that as much as I want to, I cannot help him myself or make him do anything. I just don't kniw if i should help him talk it out to me, or dont bring it up or force counselling. It came to my attention today since he decided to come clean that he told me a bunch of harmless white lies about how much money he makes and possessions he owned etc. I dont care about $$ but its like he doesnt feel he's good enough which I read is common. Low self esteem lying and trying to sound "better" then you are. He never pressed charges, but with my support he is now thinking about it. I said what if he does this to a neighbours kid or someone else?? And he has rethought it. At first he was a bt resistant but today he told me he thinks he's kinda happy im pushong the issue Of talking to someone again. I told him I would go with him or sit in the lobby whatever he needed. But I said that i think he is amazing and really strong, but he deserves to have this dealt with so it doesnt subconsciously control him. I said and not for me, but because I love you and I want you to be happy in life regardless of where we may end up. We are both adults..... But u never know. I just want him to be happy.
Thanks so much and any other tips from anyone are greatlt appreciated.
Anything else I can suggest?? Hypnotism? Emdr? Meditation? He has severe anxiety which I also read is common.... Maybe homeopathy??
I was as a child a victim of sexual abuse what helped me most of all is my now wife was there for me when I needed her to listen a hug or someone to cry with me its been over 20 years since I seeked help Ill never get over it and never forget it I had to learn to forgive this beast for what he did to me. Just be there for him that would be worth more then a dozen therapy sessions. Ill be praying for both of you.
The best thing you can do is just be there for him, when he needs it. Don't try to force him into anything, talking about it, or going to a therapist. That will come in time when his "brain" feels that he is safe and strong enough to open that door. On the other hand don't coddle him or feel sorry for him all the time, that can make it worse, much worse. He most likely would benefit from therapy, but it has to be the right therapist, the right fit. Esp. for a man it is not easy talking about this sort of thing or even thinking of it. Knowing that someone else knows his secret can be difficult, but the right therapist could be a Godsend. So just act normal, he'll come to you when he wants to talk, or if he needs a shoulder.
On another level, have you considered seeing a therapist yourself? This effects you almost as it does him and if you have a tight relationship and are thinking of marriage in the future, these issues will be much better served now instead of then.
He will never forget this, it will always be there in the back of his mind, but he can learn how to live an emotionally safe life and not let the monster win, so to speak.
I'm truly sorry that you have to deal with this, because it is extremely hard on all parties involved...like walking through a room full of scattered chairs with no lights on...you kind of have to stumble around until you find the right exit/answer.
Come back and talk with us whenever you need to, we're here to support you, hold you up, offer advice and just listen.