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Old 06-15-2011, 03:09 AM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chugiak, Alaska
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alaska ice HB User
Waking to sexual activity

I am not sure where to go, what to read or even what to think.
Tonight I was once again awakened to being used for sex by my husband.

My entire life, I have had sleeping difficulity. Very little .... so I requested ambien about a year ago.
So, my sleep is deep.

Ths is NOT the first time. I freak out, usually leave the room .... he acts as though nothing happened or "he thought I was awake". He makes me feel as though I am wrong in feeling I was basically raped.

I woke in the night with him "trying" to get in last night .... but tonight it was full penatration.

This is not love ..... I feel raped.

Is this wrong to feel this way???????????

Last edited by Administrator; 06-15-2011 at 12:17 PM.

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Old 06-15-2011, 06:32 PM   #2
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Re: Waking to sexual activity

Originally Posted by alaska ice View Post
Is this wrong to feel this way???????????
Hello alaska,

It is not wrong to feel violated from unwelcomed advances,whether or not you are sleeping.

Have you told him how it makes you feel?

I mean,sit down,look him in the eyes and let him see the expression on your face type of discussion?

When in doubt, post it out.

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Old 06-18-2011, 12:31 AM   #3
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Re: Waking to sexual activity

No it is not wrong to feel that way - I too have had similar happen with my ex. I would take something to help me sleep, and he KNEW I was doing that, and I would wake up with him being 'half way through' - and my pain in my body would wake me up (He also knew that sex caused me huge amounts of pain in various areas of my body).

It is NEVER ok for someone to do that to you and the 'I thought you were awake' - good grief, if I could count how many times I have heard that and had a dollar for every time, I would be a wealthy woman.

Can you talk to him and tell him that you feel violated? And perhaps if he is genuinely 'shocked' by this, (which I doubt by the sound of it, but give him the benefit of the doubt perhaps THIS time), tell him that if you feel like having intimate relations with him, you will do so BEFORE you take your medication, or in the morning, and if he gets the 'urge' through the night when you have taken medication to make you sleep - perhaps he can fix himself up.. after all, he has a hand... yes thats a bit blunt, but its true. If you were not in the room or away - how would he deal with his 'urge'? He would have to do the job himself.

HUGS and hope you can get this sorted out soon. Perhaps get some information on sexual assault, and leave it somewhere for him to read... ?

Old 07-07-2011, 09:31 PM   #4
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 5,070
katlin09 HB User
Re: Waking to sexual activity

It is never okay for someone to be touching you, having sex with you, let alone kissing you without your permission, no matter whether it's your husband or not. Especially when he know's that you are on a medication that alters your alseep and is allowing him to rape you every night in your sleep.

You need to collect your thoughts, sit down with your husband at your very next calm opportunity, say after work tomorrow and discuss this. You need to tell him point blank, what you are doing to me in the middle of the night while I am sedated on medication and cannot consent is Rape, and it stops now. If he doesn't believe you or won't listen, or thinks your joking, you can follow it up with if it doesn't stop now I'll report you to the police and file wife abuse and battery charges.

I would also type up a document that simply states what you tell him, That what you are doing to me in the middle of the night while I am sedated on medication and cannot consent is Rape and I am not consenting to it. If you don't stop now I'll report you to the police and file wife abuse and battery charges.

Then I'd have lines for both of you to sign and date. He needs to know that this isn't the joke he seems to think it is.


Old 08-30-2011, 08:52 AM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Norfolk, Virginia
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Alfredogirl HB User
Re: Waking to sexual activity

Of course not, if you want to sleep, tell him.

Old 09-07-2011, 06:58 PM   #6
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 5
lux2011 HB User
Re: Waking to sexual activity

It absolutely is not right. Why is it wrong? It isn't consensual, it makes you feel violated and uneasy. Perhaps some couples enjoy waking each other up with sexual relations, but this isn't the case.

Has your husband ever pressured you to do things sexually that you were uncomfortable with in the past? This is a form of sexual abuse as well.

If you had this reaction and are posting on a health board, it seems that you are deeply disturbed by your husband's actions. Remember that marital rape does happen and it is against the law. Does your husband do other things that may frighten you or make you uneasy? What are the dynamics in your relationship?

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