Ok, so Im sorry if this is long n doesnt make much sense .. but I'll try and explain whats going on.
Basically, some time ago I split up with a long term boyfriend. He was a controlling, abusive bully too me (mentally and physically).
I need to explain what happened to explain whats wrong with me right now .. so, here goes ...
I moved to another city to be with him, I had friends there and all was well. But we moved house to a much further away part of the city, it required a bus ride (or sometimes 2) to get to my friends.
If I wanted to see them I had to explicitly say who I was seeing, when I would be home and why I was going in the first place. In the end I pretty much just stopped going out.
I was already suffering from depression (which he had previously said he'd help me with) and I wasnt allowed to see a doctor and was told I just had to snap out of it.
I did work but all of my money went to him (I had to hide money my parents sent me cos he would of taken that too) so I couldnt afford to do anything on my own (he'd give me money for my bus to work).
Sometimes he would work away for a few days at a time and leave me in the house with no central heating (I didnt know how to turn it on), no shower (it was broken and only he could make it work), only bus money and microwave pizza.
On top of that was the constant shouting, yelling, screaming at me for no reason. Not that I can think of. I dont want to talk about the physical side of it .. I cant.
Anywho, back to the present day ...
Im with a lovely guy who is litereally the man of my dreams, I couldnt be treated any better, Im sure I dont deserve a guy as lovely as him.
He knows about what happened and is totally supportive and knows why I am like I am.
But, my ex must of left more of an impression than I thought, Ive barely been able to leave the house in the last 6 months, I cant bear my boyfriend to leave me on my own (to the point of him almost failing a course because of me) and Im sure its getting him down too.
Im trying to get help, Ive been to the doctor and got some anti depressants. I havent told her about what my ex did though, just that I cant leave the house or even begin to look for work.
Its like Ive become afraid to do anything outside and even seeing friends is something Im becoming more afraid of doing.
I used to be so outgoing and now everyone thinks Im lazy because I dont go out and Ive not been at work or looked for a job but I cant tell them the real reason
Sorry its been long and stuff. I just .. dont know where else to turn to..