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Old 08-10-2011, 05:24 PM   #1
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I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

Will this help me.

Cause right now with my parents I"m scolded like alittle child, they get angry with me. They get angry and act like they want to kil me and they fight with eachother and i'm always scared. ALWAYS i've been scared cause father's been like this forever. He is in family feuds etc and throws plates etc and breaks them.

Is not everyday but most everyday there's the possibility of him doing his anger so I'm always scared.

Then they don't let me move out even though I'm already an adult. They control me like a kid.

I'm gonna move out with the help of some Social service people that i'm going to. But if i move out my parents will get super angry, start a family feud and even possibly try to kill me or my father wil make my mother's life miserable. Maybe even beats her and she's already 60 and old and has health problems . I wish that wouldn't happen.

Do i have to continue to be controlled by my parents just so that my parents don't kill eachother?

Or leave and risk me being STOPPED/or threatened by my father and then risk my mother being hurt and my father possibly doing suicide because he already has all these plans he has made for me(my life)

I'm male age 30's. Have never moved out in my life

Last edited by Administrator; 08-12-2011 at 11:13 PM.

 
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Old 08-11-2011, 08:54 AM   #2
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

ummm..well for starters your not an "adult child", your an Adult. No it is not your responsibility to stay in a place where you do not feel safe, just to try and keep your parents calm and happy. From what you've said you've pretty much proven that your being there doesn't stop this, they still go at each other.

At 30 years old you are way past any inherent responsibility to keep your parents safe, you deserve to have a life and enjoy it.

So, go, don't walk out of there, run! Take Social Services help and start living your life!

I wish you the best of luck and I'll keep you in my prayers.

Take care,

Kat

 
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Old 08-12-2011, 01:40 AM   #3
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

Geez, this sounds like a really awful situation. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think you're doing the right thing by involving social services, you will need that support.

Unfortunately, at least in my experience, I think, even though they're your parents and they obviously engage in some really damaging behavior, you must take care of yourself first and foremost. You are an adult, like you said, and you deserve to feel safe and independent. It doesn't sound like your presence prevents them from these feuds, either way. I'm sure your leaving will not be accepted gracefully, if at all. Hold your ground, and try not to allow them to manipulate you into sticking around. They maybe your parents, but it isn't your responsibility to keep them from killing each other.

Has your mother ever gone to police, or told anyone else about your father's behavior?

 
Old 08-12-2011, 05:47 PM   #4
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

No she's never.

Well he doesn't try to acutaly kill me but that's how i feel because he argues and gets mad with my mom and starts throwing plates if he's really enraged and locks his room(slams door) . This makes me feel realllyy scared..

I feel it in my chest like a heart attack or something.

Yeah i told the therapist and she's helping me through it.

 
Old 08-13-2011, 05:15 AM   #5
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Post Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

you need to way out the odds to be honest, if you live there or not isnt going to change a thing for your family. He is abusive now and has been, sounds like all your life. i am a single mother of two and had an abusive relationship he told me what to do and when to do it all the time. and i know its scary moving out on your own and changing all the you have known all of your life but things will get better. i dont know where you area educationally or in a career but if you want it social serverices willl help you with that. I would move out if i were you dear, i dont know what you have for goals in the future but if it includes a wife, children or a nice career i am pretty sure it wont happen while living with them. your life is only what you make of it.

 
Old 08-13-2011, 10:53 AM   #6
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

Hi Mister...

I agree with the others here, time to go. You deserve this opportunity, and it is up to you to gather up all your strength, with the help of the social services and get out. I would also take any chance at counseling for yourself as well. When a person is subjected to that level of abuse their whole lifetime, it has a lasting affect on you that you will need help in unraveling.

Always remember that none of this is your fault.

As far as your mother goes, you will have to decide if she is going to have knowledge of where you are going, that is another thing the social worker will be able to advise you on. She or he is a professional, and is trained and deals with this type thing everyday.

Have you had any schooling and do you have a job?

My best to you...

 
Old 08-14-2011, 07:43 PM   #7
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Hi Mister...
I would also take any chance at counseling for yourself as well. When a person is subjected to that level of abuse their whole lifetime, it has a lasting affect on you that you will need help in unraveling.

Have you had any schooling and do you have a job?
Yeah i'm going to counseling since like 2 weeks ago. They're helping me but
the thing is I'm not getting emotional abuse everyday. Like this week, past week, my parents have been happy cause family is coming over to visit so they're happy.

But still they don't want to let me grow and move out. They just want me to do their own plans they have for me.

About the schooling, and job. Yes i have schooling but i have a speech problem which i documented in another thread here and nobody answered , you can see it if you want. That problem affects me alot so i can't keep jobs.
So far i haven't been able to .

No i don't have a job, they laid me off in May because i wasn't a good speaker.

Thank you for your response. tomorrow i have another appt with the couselor.

 
Old 08-15-2011, 06:06 AM   #8
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

Hello MD,

It wasn't until I began to read your other thread on the boards that things began to make a little more sense.

I see you as an introvert.

Years of parental abuse create children who are afraid to ask questions,thus creating a world in their own mind where things make sense,from a minor's perspective.

What can easily happen is the manifestation of disorders which in turn,result in coping mechanisms.These coping mechanisms further become a way of life and that child will rely on their "inner voice" if you will because no one else seems to be interested enough to encourage a nurturing environment.

These children eventually grow into adults and social awkwardness seems to be the norm.

The psychological hold that parents create isn't always apparent to them and they may want you to stay close to home because without you in the picture,it will cause them to focus on their issues;one of them being whether or not they played a part in shaping your personality.

Have you ever been on medications?

Please consider asking social services about medicaid(if you qualify) and either SSI(supplemental security income) or SSDI(social security disability income-based upon your work history)

Another thing to consider is psychological counseling.There you may be able to work through the issues that effect you concerning many aspects of your life.

You explained that you are attending counseling sessions but is this with someone who specializes in abuse?

Revealing the uncomfortable will be difficult at first,so try explaining a little at a time.

When last have you seen a physician?

Have you explained how you feel to them? If you are experiencing trouble finding the right words verbally,might I suggest writing them down and then either reading them aloud or handing them the letter.

Help is available,for all that plagues you.

Please be patient and eventually you will get there.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 08-16-2011 at 05:33 AM. Reason: further explanation

 
Old 09-09-2011, 01:32 AM   #9
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

you're an adult male who is in the prime of his life. presumably you are fit and healthy, surely you would have more physical strength than your 60-something father? so why are you scared?

you are victim to what is known as emotional incest, which is where a parent/both parents control their child (even when they're an adult).

you're a man, why are you scared of your parents? you need to move out and move on, do you have a gf/partner or are you single?

i don't understand why you've put up with it for so long. do you have friends who can support you through this/help you move out and get yourself set up outside of the family home?

presumably you work and have financial independence? there's nothing stopping you here!

 
Old 09-12-2011, 09:34 AM   #10
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Re: I'm an Adult Child with living With My Parents: I may move out soon

Thanks for that post but I gues you haven't seen my posts.

1. Fit and Healthy? no . I'm disabled physically and mentally with speech problems .

2. Yes i need to move out but how without money OR job. i dont have job. I'm getting help with getting a job. But the whole disablitiy process takes long.

3. I'm scared of my parents cause they're not typical parents. They dont even want me to move out and they get enraged.

I'm single, no GF cause i'm quiet

4. "i don't understand why you've put up with it for so long. do you have friends who can support you through this/help you move out and get yourself set up outside of the family home?"

Yeah because my mental developement is not good so i never understand how to move out. Until recently i'm getting some help from therapist to help me learn how to live independent.

I've never had friends. i'm a loner

5. No I dont have a job. and i dont have financila independence.


****
Anyways i'm scared of my parents especially father.

 
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