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-   -   Overreacting or the right thing to do? (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/abuse-support/871767-overreacting-right-thing-do.html)

Seraphis22 10-01-2011 03:29 PM

Overreacting or the right thing to do?
 
Last night I was out with my boyfriend and my best friend at a club/bar. My boyfriend was sulky because he thought I was being too involved with my friend (a girl) and ignoring him, though I wasn't. At some point he decided he wanted us to leave, but we were having fun and weren't ready to go. Knowing he had to wake up early, I offered to stay behind and drive my friend home later so my boyfriend could go sleep. At that point he got very upset, yelling at me in the crowded bar and threatening to dump me if I didn't leave with him on the spot. He also got pushy, physically blocking me from walking away and starting to push me towards the door. At that point a bouncer came to my rescue and escorted him out.

Once outside, he texted me saying that I'd gotten him thrown out of the club. I was shocked at being manhandled, and broke up with him.

He didn't hit me, and he was mildly drunk. But at the same time, I'm scared that small acts like these might escalate into more serious physical violence. I'm just scared of physical violence in general and don't want to become a victim.

However otherwise he was a very loving and affectionate boyfriend whom I love deeply, and I worry this might be overreaction.
What do you think?

Phoenix 10-02-2011 04:39 AM

Re: Overreacting or the right thing to do?
 
Hello Seraphis22,

Overly reacting to being manhandled;I should say not.

If that's his behavior when being mildly intoxicated,then maybe he should do away with the spirits completely.

This is something to clearly put in perspective.

What if it was just the two of you,an argument ensued and he was inebriated?

If he acts this way around a crowd and your friend,it boggles the mind how he would've reacted if his blood alcohol volume was further increased.

Herein lies the situation;you never really know in situations of this nature,until unfortunately it's too late and the damage has been done.

You are attempting to protect yourself from the possibility of harm because you don't feel comfortable with his "off the cuff" behavior.

If you gave into his wishes,he would've had an inciment of power over you.

The thing with power is it can make some hungry for more and the end result would be him trying to control you,using his actions and words as his remote.

God forbid it lead to the physical;an entirely new dynamic presents itself.

Providing food for thought in a respectful manner
Phoenix

sunkissed89 10-14-2011 07:58 AM

Re: Overreacting or the right thing to do?
 
hey! this might help....my parents have been together for almost 30 years..married for 25..they both are heavy drinkers..my dad more than my mom though. when my dad gets mad he lets it be known that he is mad. when he's drinking, his anger gets worse and sometimes turns violent. he hasnt been as bad now that im older and he knows that i am very outspoken and i will call the police or i will tell him how much of a jerk hes being so i think he kind of stopped a bit. but he used to get very violent with my mom and it was always only when they were drinking. it started probably 4 years after they got married my mom tells me and it had only progressivly gotten worse. you might as well nip it in the bud now and break up with him. you seem as though you've got a head on your shoulders so im sure you deserve someone who's much better who will appreciate you and not get angry. he should have supported you in wanting to stay out with your friend to make sure she got home alright also. ughhh men :/

Seraphis22 10-18-2011 05:13 PM

Re: Overreacting or the right thing to do?
 
Thank you Phoenix and Sunkissed.
Because I truly did care about him, I offered to restore our relationship if he enrolled in anger management classes and successfully graduated from them. Three weeks later, he still hasn't enrolled and thus demonstrates a lack of remorse. So I've walked away. Thanks again for the advice!

AverageUser 11-10-2011 03:56 AM

Re: Overreacting or the right thing to do?
 
Honor your instincts and that feeling of shock. It is you telling yourself what is right and wrong. Ask yourself how many drinks you would have to have in order to treat someone else with such disrespect and physically threaten them? This incident reveals two things - it affirmed your common sense in protecting yourself, and revealed his true character.

matty D 05-30-2012 08:16 AM

Re: Overreacting or the right thing to do?
 
Hey! you were not over reacting at all!, your boyfriend should have never physically tried to move you without you wanting it. Thank you for posting this. you have to make him realise that if you two are to be together that he has to control his temper. He should trust you enough to know that you love him and you would never do anything to hurt him. You also have to insure that your needs are being seen to and that you both treat each other with equal respect.

I'm afraid if he tries anything of that kind again that you shouldnt be with him because he does not deserve you if he doesn't respect your needs.


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