foreveralice1

Being a child of all types of abuse placed upon me, that even followed me into a marriage, if you want to call it that. I can see now how my life ended up being so screwed up, especially when I became involved with my first husband. He was so abusive to me, in so many ways. I finally got the strength to leave him after 10 years of pure hell. I had been raped, beat and sodomized by this man, who had the damn nerve to tell me he loved me. I remember, one time after i had left him, a dream I had, that i thought that we were still living together and i was telling myself, in my sleep, that i was going to have to make an escape plan to get away from this maniac somehow or another, or die trying. I have had dreams like that since, they still linger around in my dreams from time to time.I was not allowed to read books, especially books that gave women authority or power. I wasn't even allowed to watch certain shows on t.v, like Montel Williams, who brought light onto abusive households and let women know it was hope for them. I still don't know how i made it out of that hell hole i as in. The poverty level, we were so poor, we lived like Gypsies, moving from place to place for not paying rent. we mostly stayed in motels, very, very cheap and bad motels. I have even stayed in abandoned houses at night, just to have a place to lay my head. Tonight, 11 years later, im in my own home, paid for i must say, dont owe one dime to nobody, for nothing. that's a great feeling. I am not hungry, nor cold and i can go anywhere i want to go, with whomever i wish to go with, he used to forbid me to have a friendship with anyone, except his family memebers, who I must say are just like him. His mother once told me that i needed to be submissive, that it would be a lot better for my marriage if i were to listen to her son. That women had a place in marriage and it was in the kitchen and the bedroom, pleasing their man. I couldn't take this abuse any longer, especially after all i had been through over all those years, couldn't take it another minute. i left without anything, i had nothing so what was there to lose anyway, my life, that's what i could lose if i stayed another second with him. life is way too short to be treated awful by someone who tells you that they love you, words aren't enough to make anyone stay in a relationship, not an abusive relationship anyway. It took me a while to learne a different lifestyle and to trust people, but eventually I came around. i have to that the Lord, i prayed to him the night before i left to make a way for me to be able to leave safely and he did just that.I can never, ever thank him enough


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