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Old 01-04-2012, 12:12 AM   #1
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whisperingtree HB User
one mans power to destroy

Hi,

I have been living in a new country. I did not live with the man I came here to because I wanted to get to know him better. I was a fun loving, bubbly, loving, happy, confident person until he got hold of me and started grinding me down inch by inch. He insisted I tell him everything about myself. He blamed me for my past abuse, how could I let that happen? He blamed me for the way my kids treat me, why don't I wipe them off the earth? everything I did was wrong and he was the hero that was going to fix everything because he loved me. He slowly tried to turn me against my kids, when that did'nt work he was outright nasty to them, so they hate him and won't come near him. My confidence is rock bottom and I can't work because my dr says I am so stressed and messed up I am unable to fit into society now, at least for another year until I get back to what I was. I am desperate to return to my country, but I can't. no family and no more home, sold it all.
How have others here on this board dealt with the stage where the abuse has left you rock bottom and you feel you have lost all ability to cope and are a nobody....but a whisper in the world.

 
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Old 01-04-2012, 10:20 PM   #2
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Re: one mans power to destroy

It's amazing how some people can the suck the life right out of you isn't it?
I remember myself as such a beautiful, artistic, innocent and happy girl...I was nearly destroyed by 2 very hateful men who entered my life. Now I look in the mirror and I barely recognize myself....I don't do drugs or even drink, yet my face is the face of someone who was in a concentration camp or on the front lines in a gruesome war. If I had just walked away sooner...I'd still have my youth. I'm stronger now but in a sad way...I have the hardness of a man, which is not becoming on a woman. If you still have any of that youthful girl inside of you, then PRESERVE her or she will die. Get so far far away, it won't even matter if you have nothing or nowhere to turn because you have everything if you still have yourself. That little girl inside every woman, the one who is dancing and singing a song she made up, in a field of flowers- protect her with weapons, protect her with strength you don't even have....this is all that matters. And may she always remain compassionate, loving and forgiving despite the ugliness she has seen. Because as long as we uphold our integrity and values we will have won the battle. REFUSE to be a victim, a product of the evil hatred. Refuse to become your pain.
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Old 01-23-2012, 12:02 AM   #3
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AverageUser HB UserAverageUser HB UserAverageUser HB UserAverageUser HB UserAverageUser HB UserAverageUser HB User
Re: one mans power to destroy

Is he out of your life? Are you safe from him now? If you are not, that is the first thing you need to do. If you need suggestions on how to escape, please say so.

If you have already gotten him out of your life and are safe from him, then you have made the biggest, hardest step. You are brave. To come to a foreign country takes courage. A coward who would use, and try to humble a woman and her children is a nobody. He is nothing. You have courage, and you can return to your true self.

Every day, wake up for your children. Let them be angry that this has happened. Let them vent and heal, as you must do. Try to remember how you lived your days before this lying thief tried to steal your soul. He did not win. You survived, and now your journey is not what you imagined it would be, but it is YOURS, once again. MAKE IT YOURS. You are FREE.

You can return the happiness to your life, and to your children's souls. You do not need to do it all in one day. Every day, do one thing to make your world happier. Even if it nothing more than singing a song. Make something prettier. Paint a picture and hang it on the wall. Move the furniture to better suit you.

Forgive yourself for every mistake. Do not carry self-blame. It will spill onto your children and reflect in their eyes and hearts. Do not make them tread in sorrow. Teach them, SHOW them, how to forgive, by forgiving yourself.

Every day, tell yourself that it is not your fault that a lying thief came to steal your soul, and you are smart enough to survive and smart enough to succeed. There are many more good people than there are lying thieves, and you now have the knowledge to guard against the bad ones.

Inch by inch, YOU CAN WIN!! Inch by inch, you can recover what was stolen. Inch by inch, free the happy person that was pushed deep inside of you, and LET HER RETURN TO ALL OF US.

 
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Old 01-23-2012, 03:15 PM   #4
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Re: one mans power to destroy

Very nice advice, you added a bright spot to my otherwise frustrating and gloomy day.

 
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Old 01-23-2012, 08:03 PM   #5
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Re: one mans power to destroy

hmm...this is a hard thing to talk about, it must be. Me being a man (who has never abused a woman) I can honestly say I cant truly relate.

I cant tell you what to do, but one thing women fall into many many times is the feeling of helplessness and being stuck in a situation. Your not helpless or stuck in anything. There is help out there and all you need to do is leave him. Just leave.

If he is violent and threatening I can understand how this may cause fear, because we all know the police wont do much unless something has ALREADY happened. So, if this is the case, talk with the police and see what you can do.



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Honestly, just leave. Nothing positive will come from staying with him. If hes as bad as you say, leave. Thats the best advice I can give.

 
Old 01-26-2012, 07:11 AM   #6
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September88 HB User
Re: one mans power to destroy

I think you should of left when he started running his mouth. Cheer up. Contact your kids. Tell them you are sorry for his behavior. Tell them you will make it up to them and you want to come home and get away from this terrible man.

 
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