Re: victim of my parents
hi leigh, I had a fairly similar upbringing, but unfortunately in my case my father was no help to me, he was distant and cold and physically abusive (often fueled by his anger towards my mother), while my mother was constantly verbally and emotionally abusive (there were a few occasions of physical abuse aswell). I always felt so alone because there was no one who would stand up for me. I also developed a panic disorder and it took me years of therapy to finally realise it wasn't my fault and that I wasn't a worthless piece of crap like had been drummed into me my whole life.
I think one of the most hurtful things was the lies she told about me, e.g. if someone else's child ran away, she would tell everyone the story except put me in the scenario, if someone else's child became a drug addict, the story told was about me as the drug addict, none of it was true but it made her the victim. I think the reason this bothered me so much was not only was she abusive but she made sure I looked bad to anyone who would listen as well and when someone puts on such a sweet public persona and makes themselves the victim, people lap it up and believe it.
My mother passed away some years ago and I can say I will never forgive her, but I also accept that there was something wrong with her mentally. Her behaviour was not normal, and perhaps she had no control of it, I don't know. To be honest it doesn't matter now, my DH is the only person who understood and saw how she really was and gave me support when she reduced me to nothing but a tearful desperate shell. My husband means the world to me, he gives me the support that I never had and I learned that they are my past and he is my present.
Last edited by captjane; 03-03-2012 at 09:53 PM.