I am a survivor of an abusive mother. It has taken me 41 years to finally figure out what was going on all my life.
I have felt like I was the only one, because my mother was a girlscout leader and made sure she came accross really intelligent and in charge. Everything I am reading (and I have been reading for hours tonight since I discovered this topic) is confirming deeply that I have been living with a muncher my mother. She hid it from everyone only a couple of people have seen the truth. WHen the family counselor pointed out her abuse 25 years ago, she just called her names privately and told me I could no longer work with that counselor. That counselors job in my mothers opinion was to say that I was crazy and that was it. What was funny is that the psychiatrists could not agree on any diagnosis for me as a thirteen year old when this happened. My mother would just provoke me and provoke me untill I would scream or slam my door.
I did say I felt like dying because as silly as this might sound I thought adults would interpret that as something like "Wow, if you feel that bad (like you want to die,) then someone must be hurting you really badly. We need to intervene and get you away from your abusers. I never raised a hand to my parents and never attempted suicide. I merely was thinking someone would rescue me from my munchaussen by proxy mother if I kept getting more severe with my speach, like saying I felt like killing them or myself. I wasnt getting help by saying less severe things so at 13 years old with no other support and no social skills at that age, I was just trying to commnunicate that I needed to be rescued from her continually setting me up to feel rejected, ridiculed, to feel like a "lump" or a scum or otherwise a worthless unlovable wretch.
She thwarted any attempts I made at feeling good about myself and refused to love me no matter how perfect I acted to earn it. She would ground me for disagreeing with her or take away my ability to have presentable clothes to go to school in. I now know she wanted me to continue to be picked on at school (she told me this was my fault) and she always "gaslighted" or provoked me to understandable anger (by anybodys standards) so that she could say that because I had a healthy angry feeling about her abuse that that made me somehow crazy. because I said I felt like dying she had me committed to a hospital. The psychiatrist she had me see at this age when I was 13 said that my breasts were developing quite nicely at one point and told my mother I should be spanked pants down in family session to cure me. I cant even believe he got away teaching things like that. Fortunately I was never spanked in front of him but he had my parents grip both of my wrists at one time as hard as they could to get me to agree with them I guess.
I was understandably angry about being locked up in some adolescent hospital for only slamming my door, 2) yelling and 3) saying I Felt like (in contrast to acting on which I would NEVER in a million years of done then now or ever,) kill them or myself. I agian just didnt know what I had to do to get adults to sit up and care about my situation enough to intervene. Because my parents were middle class college educated and a girl scout leader her munchaussen abuse went largely undetected. The counselor and my former husband and my best friend did notice it though thank God.
As an adult after being in therapy for several years, I have been told there is no way that I have schizophrenia or manic depression or any of that stuff. The only issues they saw (when I was an adult and therefore free of my mothers constant control) is anxiety and post traumatic stress.
Last edited by Administrator; 03-02-2012 at 10:29 AM.
Thanks Belle, I appreciate it! Do you mind telling a bit about what you went through? Only if you want too of course. I hope you are having a great night, and thanks agian for your encouraging message. I still have a long way to I feel like but I know Im makin progress lol!
hi leigh, I had a fairly similar upbringing, but unfortunately in my case my father was no help to me, he was distant and cold and physically abusive (often fueled by his anger towards my mother), while my mother was constantly verbally and emotionally abusive (there were a few occasions of physical abuse aswell). I always felt so alone because there was no one who would stand up for me. I also developed a panic disorder and it took me years of therapy to finally realise it wasn't my fault and that I wasn't a worthless piece of crap like had been drummed into me my whole life.
I think one of the most hurtful things was the lies she told about me, e.g. if someone else's child ran away, she would tell everyone the story except put me in the scenario, if someone else's child became a drug addict, the story told was about me as the drug addict, none of it was true but it made her the victim. I think the reason this bothered me so much was not only was she abusive but she made sure I looked bad to anyone who would listen as well and when someone puts on such a sweet public persona and makes themselves the victim, people lap it up and believe it.
My mother passed away some years ago and I can say I will never forgive her, but I also accept that there was something wrong with her mentally. Her behaviour was not normal, and perhaps she had no control of it, I don't know. To be honest it doesn't matter now, my DH is the only person who understood and saw how she really was and gave me support when she reduced me to nothing but a tearful desperate shell. My husband means the world to me, he gives me the support that I never had and I learned that they are my past and he is my present.