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Old 05-14-2012, 07:46 PM   #1
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Is this emotional abuse???

I have only been married for the last nine months and we have just seperated this past week. I knew that he had a little bit of a temper but I never knew how bad it was. Every time I try talking about any issue that is bothering my completely shuts down and if I continue to try and talk there is a huge blow out. Last week he told me that if I didn't stop he was going to do something. I made a smart comment and he put his head through our flat screen tv. Two weeks before that he broke an ironing board in half and tore up his shirt because I wasn't ironing it right. There was also another time that he broke a hockey stick in half and threatened me with it. He always tells me that its my fault and if I would just stop questioning him he would stop breaking things. The problem is its hard to not ask any questions at all. He has gotten mad over me not understanding what he wants for dinner. I am always trying to find ways to make him happy so that he will not freak out. I gave him the ultimatium of either getting counseling or I would have no choice but to leave. He refused counseling and ended up packing his things and leaving a day before I did. Am I over exaggerating or is this behavior emotionally abusive ? Should I have stayed I hate to throw away a marriage but I was concerned that this relationship was not healthy. I just keep wondering if I made the right choice.

 
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Old 05-15-2012, 05:41 PM   #2
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Re: Is this emotional abuse???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakota12345 View Post
Am I over exaggerating or is this behavior emotionally abusive ? Should I have stayed I hate to throw away a marriage but I was concerned that this relationship was not healthy. I just keep wondering if I made the right choice.
Hello Dakota12345,

If you would've stayed,you most likely could've been a statistic;a lifeless one.

When one exhibits the behaviors he is,it's time to run for the hills and don't look back.
Yes,you made the right choice and you can't save him.He needs counseling and quite possibly medicinal therapy.
You were unscathed;one of the lucky ones........Thank God for that,as many aren't even alive to state this.

Respectfully
Phoenix
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:10 PM   #3
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Re: Is this emotional abuse???

Yes, this is emotional and verbal abuse. It will NOT get better unless your husband has a strong desire to do so. He needs to become involved with anger management counseling, personal counseling, and eventually marriage counseling . I have experienced this for the last 33 years. I hope you get out!

 
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Old 05-16-2012, 07:55 PM   #4
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Re: Is this emotional abuse???

As sad as I'm sure it makes you feel, you're better off without him. Someone who truly loves you would not say those things to you and would never ever threaten you. Most likely he would have moved on from breaking and hitting things to hitting you. This guy has some serious anger problems that he is taking out on you. It is NOT your fault and he has no right to freak out when you ask questions. It's an emotional form of manipulation and a passive aggressive way of controlling you (I have a parent who tries to use this kind of manipulation on people...).

One of my best friends used to date a guy who did these things...eventually he stopped breaking and hitting things and moved on. Guess what he moved on to? Hitting and emotionally breaking her. She left him after a year during an incident where he almost killed her. It is now years later and she is married to a really awesome guy who is the polar opposite of her ex. You deserve to be happy and treated in a nice, truly loving manner. Please stay away from this man and protect your heart (and possibly your life). Forgive me if this sounds too dramatic, but I've found that many women don't see how serious these situations are while they're still in them. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sending good thoughts your way!

Last edited by sillygal; 05-18-2012 at 03:09 AM.

 
Old 05-16-2012, 11:00 PM   #5
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phoenix57 HB User
Re: Is this emotional abuse???

Yes! This is absolutely abuse. And it is only the beginning. You must extricate yourself quickly from this situation. It only gets harder as time goes on. Perhaps your leaving will be the wake up call to get your partner the help he needs, and if you believe in such things, perhaps that is the reason fate brought you two together. In any event, your instincts are good, and once you have some time away from this situation, you will again feel the promise of your life and all you have to offer.

 
Old 05-17-2012, 10:11 PM   #6
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Eener30 HB User
Re: Is this emotional abuse???

sweetie if this man is dangerous get a restraining order & change the locks call a lawyer .

I'm so sorry ! I hope there are no little ones ?

 
Old 05-29-2012, 08:32 PM   #7
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bowdee HB User
Re: Is this emotional abuse???

You made the right choice. It's pretty obvious that you are being abused and your husband has an emotional and mental problem that needs to be treated. Good thing that he leaves before he hits you when he got mad.

 
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