08-07-2012, 10:29 AM
Join Date: Jul 2012
| | Don't know what to do anymore
Me and my boyfriend have had a rough relationship. He's always flirted with other girls and mistaken their attention for attraction and we broke up over it 2 months ago. A month ago we got back together but things are worse.
He's so controlling. He doesn't like me wearing revealing clothing for town, which is understandable, but he goes as far as saying we should break up over it. He tries to make me stop doing things for other people, saying I should only do them for him, doesn't let me talk to my friends about problems within the relationship, and basically controls most things I do.
He asks me to do things, and then complains that he had to ask, saying I should have done it myself. When we argue he brings up my darkest secrets that I've told him and mocks me, insulting my appearance. If he does something then he has a justified reason for it and I can't complain, but if I did the same thing he'd finish it straight away, without giving me chance to explain. Even something as small as changing the background on my phone...
He's constantly threatening that he's going to break up with me if I don't start doing things right, and teases me saying he could have any other girl who would do everything right.
Also, he's gotten violent when we've fought in public. Pushing me over, biting me, squeezing my arms to stop me moving, and has left numerous bruises on my body.
Is this abuse?
08-08-2012, 08:40 PM
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Des Moines, Iowa
Re: Don't know what to do anymore
Yes that is abuse and you need to leave as soon as possible. What he is showing as aggressive behavior and saying are typically just the beginning. I have been in your same situation and trust me you want to leave as soon as possible. No one should treat you like that or make you feel like that. I pray you are okay tonight and will be safe.
08-15-2012, 10:18 PM
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Australia Vic
Re: Don't know what to do anymore
Yes that is abuse, not just physical and emotional abuse BUT also psychological abuse. Don't just walk away, run.
I would guess that him saying that he'll dump you is only a threat to keep you in line, a way of controlling you.
Him flirting with other girls is a way to show you and others his power, he can do as he wants.
No one has a right to tell you what you can and can not wear, this is another way to show you he is boss.
He may feel that if your doing things for others then they are a threat to his control, if they see him for what he is or more likely god forbid you tell them then he will loos his control on you.
It sounds like he is trying to isolate you from friends, and anyone who might try an talk some sense into you. This is a very dangerous type of place to find yourself in, do not let him...
If he brings up your darkest secrets, mocking you and insults your appearance while you are arguing his is, in my opinion deflecting for one, devaluing you for two, trying to make sure you know that your lucky to have him, because look at whats wrong with you (him, not me). I would hazard a guess that his does this when you are upset at him about something but you end up trying to defend yourself to him about all these charges instead (deflecting)
He is never going to brake up with you for real if you ask me, he just threatens it to keep you under his control. It sounds like he is all about power and control, this is not a relationship...
I am talking from experiences of my own, either you do not have boundaries or he has been slowly pulling them apart. It is not ok to be treated like this and it is not ok to let someone treat you like this, and by staying in the relationship you are inadvertently saying to him that it is ok with you for him to do those things to you.
You need to get out and then have a good look at what you think is ok treatment of yourself so you don't let it happen again...
Lots of luck xxx
It can be very dangerous to leave a person like this, talk to as manny people as you can, let them know what he is like so they may be able to help if you need.
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