I really just wanted to share my story of the past two years of being in a relationship with someone who drove me to severe depression.
He was very charming at first (I'd never have stayed otherwise). The warning signs were there like shouting at me in a rage because I'd forgotten to wash his boxer shorts, instant rage when a waiter was not being attentive or someone cut him up on the road. I made excuses for him and put it down to him being tired. I had worked hard for years to finally get offered a rare opportunity of being accepted for a top job in my company which required staying away for one week a month for three months. He didn't want me to go as he had always had control by giving me money then demanding it back when he knew I didn't have it. Long story short, I went after he took my money and left me stranded, he sent me abusive texts while I was away, forwarded texts to me that he had from other women, naked women, asked who was looking after my house when I was away? Called one night 49 times, came to the city I was staying in while away, set endless texts. I came home and he made his way into my home and violently assaulted me. He turned up in court with a woman on his arms who listened to all the details and his claim of self defence after I pushed his arm away when he tried to grab me. (Justified in his warped mind). Everything was always my fault, he was a master manipulator, there was not one aspect of my life that he hadn't abused. He had managed to become the sole influence in my life as I had lost touch with friends, didn't see family much and I had went from being a happy confident woman to an anxious shell of my former self with no self esteem left. I actually thought it was me that was going mad. He kicked my dog that I love full in the face after the dog ate my dinner he had left lying out, that was the final straw, this wasn't normal behaviour.
The only choice I had was to leave. Reading about narssistic personality disorder has been light a lightbulb moment for me, this was the person I had been in love with and suffered so much with, this described the past two years of my life so uncannily. I can heal now I understand. If anyone is in the same situation I was, my advice is get out, leave, it will not get better, it will only get worse. My advice to anyone who has left is stay strong, have no contact, don't let them reel you in again because in doing so you're allowing them to abuse you again....and they will. You're worth so much more than that. Love Mandymolly x
Last edited by Administrator; 09-29-2012 at 03:27 PM.
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: mandymolly Phoenix (10-02-2012), Seraph (09-29-2012)
I'm so glad you got out of the relationship. I was married to someone like this. Not violent physically to me but verbally controlling and I didn't see it. But I was very depressed and had children with him. It of course was my emotional problems and some of them were but I chose to leave and then had my children for a year but gave them back to him since they were all boys after a year and financially he could take care of them better than me. It all turned out but I'm glad you didn't have children with this man. Also that you didn't get killed. That is what happens to lots of women and young girls. They are charming and bait you and then you see their true colors and character. Best wishes to you.
I experienced the exact samething you did. The actual day i "escaped" him, he was going to put me in the trunk of his car and make me go with him all accross an entire state.I was lucky though, I made a lot of noise that day. my neighbors came outside and was kinda keeping an eye out for me.I will never forget that threat he made to me that day, saying he was putting me in that trunk and going to his families house to live.I was just like you, no money, no nothing. i left him though and never looked back. I prayed and praayed for the strength to stay away from him. i had left before and always came back to him..but not this last time, he'd raped me the night before at his sisters house, that was it for me. i had put up with so much abuse from him. from him forcing sex on me"rape" to weekly beatings, kept away from any family or friends. He would always tell me that i needed to be submissive to him, that everything was always my fault, even when he's knock me out cold, it was all my fault! he was for sure narcisstic. it ran in his family also. All of his male cousins, everyone of them have been to prison for rape or murder, what does that say? I am very glad that you got away from this monster and never went back, that's wonderful. I always say a prayer for the abused women who haven't got out or away from their abusers.
i tried to be with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, and it just doesn't work. i thought i could change him, thought i had, but that rage with unquenchable. he never hit me, but he did threaten me and emotionally abuse me, did beg me to hit him so that he could have a reason to hit me, and he physically attacked a lot of people in our lives. alcohol made it worse. i never felt safe, and i ended up detaching. he took that as abandonment which triggered issues he had at childhood and somehow i was the bad guy. even though he had been cheating on me, destroying my house, screaming insults at me all the time, somehow it became my fault.
i feel for you and i'm glad you got out of there. for me though, the abuse never turned that physical. he once blacked out and clawed at me and drew blood, but only a little bit, and did some other things i'm not going to talk about right now. even though i was never injured physically that badly, i still didn't feel safe. at the same time, i know i am lucky.
he seemed so charming, so wonderful. i had no idea.
I know exactly how you feel even if I´m only 14. My dad has narcissistic personality disorder and I have struggled with this all my life. Especially now, he gets angry when I cry or show any kind of emotion. He is always keeping me locked up and if it was up to him he wouldn't let me go out. He would hit me and slap me if I talked back since I was very little.
Anyways, my mother was married to him for 19 years. You are lucky you got out after only 2 years.
She along with me and my sister was abused and neglected and hurt for years.
He would tell her she was ugly and worthless and fat. She believed it and now that she is divorced she is so much happier.
I´m still struggling with everything, but I´m doing better and getting better, Although I am still depressed. This has kinda given me some hope and confidence so thank youª
My wish for all women:
That your house remain your castle of security, that you know to let off a little stem is part of the glory of life and that you will always receive friendship, as well as the love and respect that you deserve from those who claim to love you!
Mandymolly: Your story sounds like mine except I didn't have any flags until I was married for 24 hours. All I said was "Honey this is what I ordered last night but didn't get but I made sure they didn't charge us for the surf" He very loudly told me I didn't know what surf n turf was. I asked him to look at the menus to see what I was talking about but this request only made him get angrier and louder so I just got up and left him sitting there. It only got worse, a lot worse from then on. At 3 months in the wee hours I called a crisis line and they transferred me to a domestic violence line, who explained I was being abused and urged me to come to their shelter which I did.
I loved him and took my vows seriously so I returned home in 2 weeks. Things got worse & @ 9 months he choked me & I called 911 & he was arrested. Though ordered not to have contact with me he called me after 1st appearance from the jail & twice afterwards all in one day. I left shortly after but stupidly took him back several times in the 2 states I moved to. My enough is enough came when he not just beat my 7 lb. dog again but when he forced him head first into a cloth grocery bag then picked it up & I again heard my precious dog cry in pain! One would think when I had bypass surgery & he gambled the grocery money & didn't listen to my doctor that I could no longer climb the 3 flights of stairs to our apt even though I found us a 6 yr. old house for less than our apt rent would have done it but it was the abuse of my little dog that was my last straw. Though we still live in the same house in different bed rms and have little to say to each other and have nothing to do with each other I recently got a legal aid attorney to take my case. Good for you, you got out of a very bad relationship and I am doing the same by getting out of very abusive marriage I hope my application for sr. housing is approved soon. It is always all about their wants instead of your needs. Bless you dear lady.