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Old 10-23-2012, 01:21 PM   #1
Join Date: Oct 2012
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majormite HB User
Emotionally Abused Male... So Confused.

Any other men out there that are victim's of emotional abuse? My wife is super nasty. I walk on eggshells, I try to do my best but it is never good enough. I have two kids that I love dearly and if it weren't for them I don't think I could stay in my relationship.

Problem is, my wife tells me when we fight that no one else would want me.

I feel brainwashed. I mean, I'm not saying I'm the easiest guy to live with but I work hard, I provide, I love my kids, and I really do try to be a good spouse. It's just never good enough. I almost feel like no matter how much I do she wants me "in my place". She wants to feel superior to me. She can say the nastiest stuff, like she hates me, could leave me in a second, tells me to "shut the f- up" when i express myself, but if i say the smallest thing (like last night i told her that she can be really mean to me and the kids) she practically left me.

I had to apologize to HER for making her so upset because I didn't want her to take my kids over something so silly.

I just really don't know. I mean I feel like everything is about making sure she is OK. Making sure she is happy. Making sure her ego feels stroked but nothing is about me. I am "disgusting", I am just... there.

I don't know what to think. I think about it and I say "this isn't right. i shouldn't be treated like this", but then i think, maybe i am the problem. maybe if i just try harder she will be nicer to me.

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Phoenix (11-18-2012)
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Old 11-18-2012, 02:40 AM   #2
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Re: Emotionally Abused Male... So Confused.

Hello majormite and welcome.

If she can see that there's tension in the relationship,do you think she'd be willing to go for couple's counseling?

This way,you're not placing all the blame on her but are going the extra mile,in order to help salvage the relationship that inadvertently effects the entire family.
In order for the possibility of healthy harmony to exist, changes need to be made.
I hope that she's at least willing to consider it.

Please feel free to post as often as you like and peruse through the archives of this site. One is never too young or old to stop learning.

When in doubt, post it out.

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Old 01-05-2013, 07:35 AM   #3
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Re: Emotionally Abused Male... So Confused.

It's not you....she is the abuser and you are the victim, plain and simple. You do not hear much about husband abuse but is more prevalent than you would think. Keep a small suitcase ready with your belongings in it and the next time she lays into you, leave. Tell her you are not going to take the abuse anymore and you are leaving for awhile to do some serious thinking. Go to a motel or friends place and DO NOT take her phone calls/ Return home in a few days and say nothing....feel her out and perhaps she has gone through an attitude adjustment, if not keep leaving until she treats you with the respect you deserve. Don't try the nice routine, it won't work. A relationship with an abuser will not stop by being nice, probably the opposite is true. Hope your situation gets better......lenvegas

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Old 01-31-2013, 08:00 PM   #4
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Re: Emotionally Abused Male... So Confused.

As a female, I hope I'm not intruding by making this reply, but offer my kindest support to you.

I would also like to offer a suggestion that may seem a little more harsh, but hope you will consider it.

You are being emotionally abused, and nothing - none of it - is your "fault." An abuser is abusive because they can get away with it. You can be your nicest "nice," polite, helpful self, but they will find an "in" to abuse. It is of her, not of you.

Most rational people are unable to tolerate abuse indefinitely, and most likely, you are trapped in a cycle of abuse - if you aren't familiar with that term, please search on it; also search "Am I being emotionally abused?" You already know you are, but it helps to see the actions of the abuser in print. It won't help to try to "prove" it to her. We women have a mantra: Abusers don't change.

My harsher suggestion to you is this: Try to protect your future with your children. I have read countless mens' sites where men are treated very unfairly by the courts, concerning custody and visitation. You have to have proof to seek an equitable settlement. Please consider documenting these episodes.

I'm also going to say this - leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for the abused. It is taking control away, and abusers may react violently. If you decide to leave, please make a plan, and carry it out safely - preferably when she's not around. There are a lot of sites for methods on how to leave an abuser. They will be oriented toward the physically abused female, but after coming off of a "Snapped" marathon, women stand to lose a lot when the providing male wants to leave. An abuser never wants to "lose." I'm practically begging you to take the idea seriously.

Home is where we are supposed to be safe. It is where everyone is treated fairly; where a person expects to lock out the realities of what can be an unfair and ugly world. You deserve a real home.

Thank you for not resorting to your physical superiority to impose your will. It makes you the better person.

Safe hugs to you.

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