Hi, my husband and i were married for 6 years now. (on and off for the last 4) He up and leaves and comes running back after he is done with his getaways. I have zero trust for him at this point. I have been cheated on more than 20 different times. We have a 5 month old daughter. He never comes around to see her..he wants to take to her on his own and due to his history i cant possibly allow that. I asked him to get to know her and then eventually he can take her on his own..he says he doesnt have time to stop over and 'deal' with this. He has girlfriends all over..none know about eachother. I am the only 'lucky' one to know the real him and his cheating ways. He also has slept with my best friend of 19 years (GREAT friend right!) and now she wants nothing to do with him he is 'chasing' her its embarrassing. The other day he came and asked if he could move back in or if we can get a place together and raise the baby together and be the family we should be, he also said "i want to share with my daughter and you(the person i can be myself around) everything i have achieved and will achieve". I always have hope for us but id be fool to let myself back into that relationship. The day he asked me that i saw in his phone that he was still trying to contact my old friend along with 10 other girls (not just friends but girlfriends and mistresses etc.) He says he hates me, he says he doesnt respect me and that i ruined his life. He get SO angry with me and i just done understand why. I thought he loved me, i thought our marriage would last forever. I am stuck at a point where i need things to just end. I cant live in this emotional abusive trap he has me in. I am wrapped around his finger and it makes me sick. I just wonder how he can treat me like this and not care about me. He used to love me so much (i thought). He left me alone to deal with heartache over him and raising our daughter alone. How do u forgive someone who doesnt care if you forgive him. Will it ever end? Do i file for a divorce? I am sick of being embarrassed, sad, lonely, betrayed etc. He also had ruined my self esteem. I dont even want to leave the house anymore. I feel ugly and disgusting and unwanted. I am very attractive and always had a good figure but my 50 pound weight gain during my pregnancy is coming off slow and he thinks im disgusting. I had a c-section and i dont dare show him the scar or stretch marks. I was 119 pounds before pregnancy and now that im not as thin as he wants he makes fun of me. When he see's me he looks right at my thighs to see if i lost any weight..it makes me so insecure that i want to hide from the world. (i am only 143 pounds but i am 5'2 so i of course need to lose some of this weight) The words he says to me, every hurtful thing runs through my head over and over. And yet when he says once nice thing im ready to run back..i feel like something is wrong with me. I am sick of it. I want my husband but i also dont want to live life this anymore. I want to be able to move on but how? I am sick of being cheated on, lied to and most of all i am sick of being used and abused. How do i even love a man like this. I brought a child into this world with him..how could i ever forgive myself for giving my daughter a father like this? He isnt all bad but when it comes to me..he is cruel, heartless, mean and selfish. I know this sounds horrible but i want him to want me and for me to able to say NO...i want piece of mind...any advice?
The following user gives a hug of support to ALMsmomma1: Phoenix (11-18-2012)
Have you considered a legal separation,while you sort out things?
There's also couple's counseling to consider or make it a solo endeavor.
If he can't fully appreciate you for the person you are,flaws and all,it's his loss.
You may have deep-rooted feelings for him and he is fully aware of this.It leaves a person vulnerable and I believe he senses this.
Make him earn his way back into both you and your daughter's lives.
It's quite clear that he has a few issues to be worked on but this shouldn't be about him;rather what's best for both you and your daughter.
Please remember that the ball is in your court.
If you notice him trying to incorporate his own rules,you should try your best to stand strong.
Don't let him see you sweat(metaphorically) and try to stand firm on your decisions.
Matters of the heart, more often than not,complicate the decisions you must make.
Feel free to post as often as you like;it's actually encouraged,as it helps to unburden the load you carry.