Was I or wasn't I?
So, I have never spoken of any of this out loud before let alone online. I need help trying to remember my childhood. I can remember after the 6th grade but before that its foggy. I KNOW things happened to me, I just do not know by who. I am now a 36 year old mother of 3 & need to know my past.
The things I do know are:
- a babysitters son touched me inappropriately several times
- when I was approximately 8 a neighborhood friend (girl) and I had a sleepover and we touched and kissed inappropriately
- I remember living with my dad who at the time was a horrible abusive drunk that would would have me sleep in his bed, and he would be naked, I remember seeing him naked, him laying next to me, but cannot remember specifics of any acts
- when I would fall asleep on the couch he would not carry me into my bed he would carry me into his (why?)
- I saw my dad and a women having sex in a room that him, her, me, and her kids were all "sleeping" in. We were all on the floor, within feet of one another. They were not under any blankets...fully naked, he, we'll basically was doing her from behind and she was complaining that her back was hurting and asked him to stop and he wouldn't. I was young, can't remember age
I want to remember...I have no relationship with him, tho I can contact him if I wanted to. I know if I did contact him he would deny anything, but I just want to be able to say 'yes, I remember'...I just can't. How can I help myself remember?
So was I or wasn't I abused by him?