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Old 07-14-2005, 07:52 PM   #1
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Question Sister doesn't want help for acne!

I don't understand this. My younger sister, who is 16, has very severe acne...but she doesn't do anything to help herself!! Sometimes she comes home and doesn't even wash her makeup off. My mom buys her facial cleansers and she doesn't even use them. She eats fast food at least five times a week. My mom has asked her if she wants to go to a derm and she says, "No, I'm fine. I don't need that." What the heck?

When I was her age (I'm 20 now) and was breaking out horribly, I wanted to do everything and anything possible to clear my acne. My derm was practically my best friend, lol!

I don't understand this?? Why would anyone NOT want to help themselves? My family and I know that it's hurting her (she doesn't look anyone in the eye anymore, and always tries to hide her face) so why wouldn't she want to do something about it?

Any suggestions on what my family and I should do for her? Anyone else act this way or know someone else who acted this way about their acne?? Anyone know WHY someone would act this way? We're afraid if we don't get her some help that she's going to be left with a lifetime of horrible scars.

 
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Old 07-14-2005, 08:26 PM   #2
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Thanks for replying LittleArtist The thing is, she has been to a derm a while back and was put on Spectra which actually cleared her up pretty well... then when she ran out of pills, she didn't bother to tell anyone and went without being on the Spectra for a couple months and things started getting worse again. Now here she is, with the worst acne she's ever had. That is what REALLY doesn't make sense - she's had somewhat clear skin before, Spectra actually helped her! It's like she is in denial of having acne or something, I don't know. It's like she doesn't want to really believe her skin is in the condition it is.

She won't let anyone even talk to her about it. As soon as my mom starts to bring it up, she'll interrupt and say, "I don't want to talk about it! My skin is fine!" and then will storm off.

This does not make any sense. I find this behavior extremely odd!!!! Anyone else have their two cents to throw in on this subject?

 
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Old 07-14-2005, 09:08 PM   #3
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

i think she may be very embarassed, she seems very sensitive to the subject, and i think forcing th issue will only make her back off more. when she feels its a problem she needs help with, i am sure she will come forth with it. i know it may be frustrating for you, since you went through it. maybe she didn't like taking medicine? i wish i hadn't taken some of the meds i had for acne, because alot of them didn't help, the ones that did help only helped a brief time, and when i stopped taking them (birth control and antibiotics) the acne only came back way worse than it was in the 1st place, i know that doesn't happen to everyone though. i wish you and your sister well, i think when she is ready, she will talk about it on her own, take care

Last edited by realsad; 07-14-2005 at 09:09 PM.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 12:56 AM   #4
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

It takes a lot of nerves for someone to talk about their acne. It took me soooo long before i talked about my acne..its an issue i don't like talkign about but its always on my mind. The fact that she isn't looking people in the eye is not a good sign. I did and STILL DO THE SAME thing even with my own family. She may be feeling hopeless and extremely depressed. Besides worrying about physical scars, i'm worried about the mental scarring. Even when I'm clear (rarely) ACNE is always on my mind. I can't eat anything without thinking (will this make me break out). ACNE has taken over my life, however, i try my best not to think about it when i'm around other people. Thats key. Its the last thing i want to talk about AROUND people, but it comes up of course when i'm in my own thoughts every day.

I don't want her to go through an unhealthy mindset that can scar her for life. She is 16 and very young. This is typical time for girls to get their acne peak (for men its 18-20). It can be a very hard issue. BUT YOU, my friend, can offer the best help to your sister. Tell her about your experience, don't talk bout her acne unless she mentions it. Just say "when i was younger I had horrible skin...."...she needs to know its normal to have bad skin and that she can be helped! She must know she's not the only person and that EVERYONE gets acne! Be careful not to mention how bad you think her skin is or anything like that. I think you need to talk to her. She NEEDS to talk about it even though all indications say that she doesn't. Once she can talk about it, then she can move forward with it. You can't speculate about whats on her mind until you actually know.

I'm not a psychiatrist (although i am pre-med) but i'm a experienced victim of acne who has suffered both mentally and physically from it.

Good luck, let us know how you do. ACNE SUX

Last edited by kHan artist; 07-15-2005 at 12:58 AM.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 01:49 AM   #5
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

IMO, we could all stand to be a little more like your sister! We all worry about acne too much. Me included. Your sister is one of the lucky ones that just isn't phased by it, i wish i wasn't...

 
Old 07-15-2005, 01:50 AM   #6
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

maybe your sister is in denial. ? I'm not good about the subject of acne, its just awful, I don't understand why she doesn't want to get help for it,
maybe you should tell her that if she doesn't get help now, her skin will get scars and she will regret it when she is older.. I hate to say this but if she doesn't want help, let her be, maybe soon she will crack and come for help...

I'm sorry, I just suck at advice for acne!

 
Old 07-15-2005, 08:05 AM   #7
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Thank you everyone for your responses, all of you really made a good point. When my acne was very severe, I was always very vocal about it.. I would talk to my mom about it all the time, because talking about it made me feel a lot better. I was always researching ways to help myself, and would do my skin routine religiously every day!! This is why it's so hard for me to see my sister's point of view...but now I am starting to see maybe where she is coming from. We are all different, and hence handle acne differently. It's just so hard seeing someone you love go through it, ya know? Knowing how much it hurts inside....

 
Old 07-15-2005, 08:52 AM   #8
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xismybaby HB User
Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassie4u22
I don't understand this. My younger sister, who is 16, has very severe acne...but she doesn't do anything to help herself!! Sometimes she comes home and doesn't even wash her makeup off. My mom buys her facial cleansers and she doesn't even use them. She eats fast food at least five times a week. My mom has asked her if she wants to go to a derm and she says, "No, I'm fine. I don't need that." What the heck?

When I was her age (I'm 20 now) and was breaking out horribly, I wanted to do everything and anything possible to clear my acne. My derm was practically my best friend, lol!

I don't understand this?? Why would anyone NOT want to help themselves? My family and I know that it's hurting her (she doesn't look anyone in the eye anymore, and always tries to hide her face) so why wouldn't she want to do something about it?

Any suggestions on what my family and I should do for her? Anyone else act this way or know someone else who acted this way about their acne?? Anyone know WHY someone would act this way? We're afraid if we don't get her some help that she's going to be left with a lifetime of horrible scars.
Hey Cassie!

We has so many problems that are similar its scary...lol

I have a 16 yr old brother, who has some pimples on his face and alot on his back (he plays sports so its from sweat I think?).

Its not that he doesnt care about his, its just that he doesnt do anything about it. My mom and I always tell him to put acne meds on his face every night and clean his back well and put stuff on that too.. I have to help him sometimes and always tell him to do it. He puts acne topicals on it one night but doesnt continue to use them.

Its like he doesnt want to bother with helping his...so he just leaves them alone. When we tell him that he needs to put stuff on his breakouts, he agrees but never does it


So I'm kindof in the same boat as you (as usual ).

My advice would be to talk with her about the long term effects this acne could have on her face. Its a scary situation, and sometimes you have to scare a person straight (if that makes any sense).

Tell her how you feel when you have acne, let her see that you have gone through this too and that there are things that can help her.

Tell her that she may not care about her skin now, but in the future she will feel differently.

I hope this helps

Last edited by xismybaby; 07-15-2005 at 08:55 AM.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 09:00 AM   #9
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Hitmen HB User
Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Have you ever sat down and talked to her about it? It's easier to talk about acne with someone who has acne I think lol. I remember when I was younger I hated talking or hearing about acne, as I'm sure a lot of us were as well. Maybe you can tell her how much it has affected you and you don't want her to go through the same ordeal and you'll be glad to help her in anyway possible.
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Old 07-15-2005, 10:29 AM   #10
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EnergyRush HB User
Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

I think quite the opposite of others who have posted. I think, if she doesn't want to talk it about it, then don't talk about it. If she is comfortable with how her skin is, then that is her decision. Only she can make the decision to go on medication or go to a derm again... I think the more pressure that is put on her, the less likely she will actually do something about it.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 10:32 AM   #11
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

I have a friend that acts just like your sis but she is 20 and about to get married. She has had acne for awhile though and it is bordering on severe. She doesn't use anything and she told me she went to the derm. once and they gave her antibiotics but she quit taking them after 2 weeks cause they made her feel sick! She never talks about it and is actually always quite happy but you can tell sometimes that she is a little insecure. Sometimes I try to talk to her about what treatments I do but she always changes the subject. I try to tell her she can get it under control like I have but she seems to avoid any conversation about it.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 05:32 PM   #12
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Whatever you do, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bring up her acne. Good god, I know that if anyone ever talks about my face I get completely devestated. I already know that I look disguisting, so why does everyone have to bring it up, like I don't already know? Goodness. Leave the poor girl alone.

She sounds like me. I know that nothing in the world will ever help me and I basically want to crawl into a hole and die. No one wants to talk to anyone about their face. I won't see a derm either because then it would mean that someone has to look at my face, which is alot worse than people just seeing you from farther away and not CONCENTRATING all of their attention on stupid pimples.

And my grandpa keeps giving me random things to put on my face, like his own lotions and things. Everyone wants to help but I just want everyone to leave me alone.

Just leave her alone. Acne makes us miserable enough.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 06:00 PM   #13
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Cassie4u22 HB User
Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jellybean321
Whatever you do, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bring up her acne. Good god, I know that if anyone ever talks about my face I get completely devestated. I already know that I look disguisting, so why does everyone have to bring it up, like I don't already know? Goodness. Leave the poor girl alone.

She sounds like me. I know that nothing in the world will ever help me and I basically want to crawl into a hole and die. No one wants to talk to anyone about their face. I won't see a derm either because then it would mean that someone has to look at my face, which is alot worse than people just seeing you from farther away and not CONCENTRATING all of their attention on stupid pimples.

And my grandpa keeps giving me random things to put on my face, like his own lotions and things. Everyone wants to help but I just want everyone to leave me alone.

Just leave her alone. Acne makes us miserable enough.
Jellybean,

I too am an acne sufferer! I had severe cystic acne from age 15 -18, and went on Accutane it cleared me 100%. I am now 20 and the acne has come back, but very, very mild...still irritating though!

You said you wouldn't want to go to a derm because they would have to look at their face. Wouldn't it be worth it to have a derm look at your face for just 10 minutes if he could actually prescribe you something that would help?? Trust me, dermatologist's have seen it ALL, that is what they went to school for.

Your pesimistic attitude saddens me jellybean! You said nothing at all will ever help your acne?? Well how do you know that if you won't go to a derm or try anything new for your skin? SO MANY people have been cleared up by antibiotics, facial wash regimens, diet, vitamins, etc!! Just read the evidence on this board! You are NOT hopeless unless you choose to be!

As for your grandfather, he is just trying to help, I am sure he is not meaning to make you feel bad about yourself. That just shows he loves you, and doesn't want to see you hurt emotionally over your skin.

There IS hope for you, I encourage you to do lots of research on this board and read as much as you can. Hopefully you will find the inner strength and confidence to take a stand against your acne. I wish the same for my sister. Just know that you are not alone on this! Hang in there.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 10:19 PM   #14
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jellybean321
Whatever you do, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bring up her acne. Good god, I know that if anyone ever talks about my face I get completely devestated. I already know that I look disguisting, so why does everyone have to bring it up, like I don't already know? Goodness. Leave the poor girl alone.

She sounds like me. I know that nothing in the world will ever help me and I basically want to crawl into a hole and die. No one wants to talk to anyone about their face. I won't see a derm either because then it would mean that someone has to look at my face, which is alot worse than people just seeing you from farther away and not CONCENTRATING all of their attention on stupid pimples.

And my grandpa keeps giving me random things to put on my face, like his own lotions and things. Everyone wants to help but I just want everyone to leave me alone.

Just leave her alone. Acne makes us miserable enough.
Jellybean~

I don't mean to sound rude..But you need to get over it!

I don't understand your logic about this at all

I cannot believe you will not see a derm. because of your acne. This is just crazy! You do realize that most likely everyone you come in contact with, looks at you right? What could it hurt if you let a professional look at you? I have many problems with my skin and I go to professionals all the time.

My cheeks used to get bright red because I would flush all the time from heat or embarrassment. I would go to my doctors and cry ...They dont see you as disgusting or pitiful, they just want to help you and chances are they have seen worse cases than yours.

Jellybean, I don't think shutting people out is the answer. You need to let people (doctors) help you.

Obviously you come here for a reason..Whether it be to vent or to look for solutions, so you cannot really say nothing will help you. You dont have to live with this forever.

Me on the other hand, I most likely have to deal with flushing for the rest of my life ( i've learned to deal with it to a certain extent and to control it to a certain extent).

I know you want to be left alone but please don't hide from your pain..I promise you'll feel so much better when you vent it out to a person who deals with this all day.

I tell ya..when I cried to my doctors (more than one), I felt like they actually heard me and that they really wanted to help me. They did to an extent.

don't take my criticism as bitchy or rude, i'm just trying to express my thoughts from a personal stand point.

I hope you see that

 
Old 07-16-2005, 02:05 AM   #15
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Re: Sister doesn't want help for acne!

Wow! Thanks everyone for those really nice comments. It really made my day. I don't want to portray myself as a pitiful person. I just, I research things in my own in my room and I thought I could help myself. But I really think now I will make an appointment. I just learned that at my hospital we need a referall from a doctor and then go to the derm. so I'm going on monday to the doctor and hopefully I can get referred.

I still don't think people should EVEr talk about my face. I'm doing all I can, so there's really no need to. Because again, it's not like I don't know.

 
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