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Old 06-10-2003, 03:13 PM   #1
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micheguns HB User
Unhappy to laur, dshel, poreoily....

hi girls,
well my life sucks even more today....
i continue to break out more and more and not one bump seems to be smoothing out or going away and i am developing all of these blackheads all over the place. My skin is so tight and flaky on top yet i am super oily still. I have cried all day and my dad had to hang up the phone on me because i was too emotional. I tried calling the doctor to see if he would see me but he is booked solid so i called the derm. my brother used to go to (my bro has perfect skin) and the nurse gave me a bunch of crap on the phone about my whole story because i had to explain the accutane fiasco to her and she yelled at me for being so stupid. I am so depressed and that put me over the edge. I don't know what to do, I hate this so much. Can't they just rip my face off and grow me a new one!!! i hate seeing all my pictures from christmas, etc. because i was so beautiful (the best i have ever looked and the happiest) and then that stupid drug messed me up so bad that i am in misery every day. I don't know what is causing me to breakout now, the tazorac (8 weeks on it), the cetaphil normal/oily skin cleanser(5 weeks on it), spiro (4 days on it) blotting (every 10 minutes) with clinique blotting papers...i hate my life!

 
Old 06-10-2003, 03:26 PM   #2
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laur HB User
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Hi M

I just posted to your name.

Anyway, I'm sorry the nurse was so rotten. She must have never had a problem, huh?? Those nurses and office girls are the worst to get past. They act like they're the dr's. As far as what she said about the accutane , she had no right. I was told it would clear me right up, and here I sit 5 years later.
I would try just rice paper to blot because maybe theres something in the clinique ones that you're unaware of. Also, maybe the cetaphil could be the culprit. I know he told you to continue with it, but it seems to me that all derms recommend cetaphil and a lot of people can't use it. I was one of them. I don't know what to tell you about the tazorac. It didn't seem to bring everything out for me...after almost 3 months, because look at the mess I have on my face now! And the spiro does have an initial breakout, but shouldn't affect you this early I wouldn't think. It could also be your body adjusting to the additional estrogen, but I'm not sure about that. Spiro is wonderful for a lot of women. I wish I looked now like I did on the spiro 5 - 10 years ago. I never considered that it would stop working for me, but then again, the lupus and hysterectomy really messed my body up. I didn't know how bad at the time.
I'm sitting here thinking about just going back to an increase in the accutane. I don't know what it may or may not do to me someday, but right now, I feel like all I do is think about this. That isn't a life. I just want to be happy again. I've spent most of this week crying. If I go back to 4 days on the accutane, hopefully there will be more good than bad days and I can be somewhat happy again. I'm not some perfectionist or anything. I don't need to be a supermodel or look like someone else, But I do need to look like me again.
I Know exactly how you're feeling and I'm here to listen if you can stand all my chatter back !!

L
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Old 06-10-2003, 03:31 PM   #3
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aliasfan1981 HB User
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I know this message wasn't for me, but I just want you to know that I am going to be praying for you. I wish there was some way I could sit with you and just talk. Acne can make a person feel so helpless and hopeless, but it won't last forever. I know that does very little to help your situation right now, but please realize that there are people on these boards who care about YOU and JUST YOU. Acne or no acne.

 
Old 06-10-2003, 03:39 PM   #4
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micheguns HB User
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L.
you are the one person that is helping me get through this a little better (even if it is only on a computer), because you do listen when everyone else here gets fed up and sick of me crying. I know how you feel to, because i am in the same boat. I don't mind the chatter, in fact, it is nice to have you share your experience with me, as I with you. It is like going on a diet with support right at your side (not that we are dieting or anything). But they say the best way to go through something is with somebody else at your side. Well, if you let me, you can tell me anything and I will help or listen or give advice as much as I can. By the way, if you don't mind me asking, how is your husband and daughter through all of this...do you talk to them or just try to smile? I can't hide my emotions anymore, I just look miserable all the time. It might not help that i stay in my pajamas all day long until its time to shower and put a new set on (lol) Wow, I haven't done this since i was miserably sick with the flu. But, there will come a day when i feel like getting dressed up and looking cute because i will feel good about myself. It just isn't that time yet and i don't see it in the near future, but maybe one day (i keep saying that so tell me to shut up if need be). And, all I really want to do is go out to dinner with my family. We used to go out every sunday night to our country club for a nice family dinner and that was the highlight of my week (honestly). I love my family and this was so nice. It always put a smile on my face and I always looked forward to it every week. Now, I haven't been out to dinner with then in 6 months. I am so ashamed and all i want to do is go with them, instead i sit at home and cry. All i want is to go out to dinner. I know it sounds petty but I look so awful and am so ashamed of myself that i can't bring myself to do it until i look better. my dad tells me not to be ashamed but i can't help it. He says "you didn't do this to yourself, so you have nothing to be ashamed of" I know he means well, but how can i not be ashamed of a face that I don't even know anymore and scares me everytime i look in the mirror? I just want to be normal again. Like you said, not like a supermodel (that won't even happen with the most talented specialists working on me) but myself. I just want to be that girl I see in all my pictures.
-M.

 
Old 06-10-2003, 03:42 PM   #5
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thank you alias.....
you are welcome to join in anytime...
thank you for the prayers and being supprotive, that means a lot

 
Old 06-10-2003, 06:01 PM   #6
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micheguns HB User
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bump

 
Old 06-10-2003, 06:15 PM   #7
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poreoilyme HB User
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Micheguns and Laur, I really feel for both of you.

Micheguns, I had horrendous skin from Taz, just as Retin-A which is a similar compound--extremely oily, burning face, blackheads, etc. Maybe you should just stop it for a while in the meantime. Lots of others here besides me have reacted to it just like you are describing.

Don't either of you worry about seeking support here or venting. I've experienced the same anguish you two are going through and I know how real it is. I never had anyone to talk to about it, so this must help a little, even though what you need most are some solutions. I used to think I was the only one in the world with my problem because I never saw anyone else nearly as bad off as I was acne and oily-skin wise.

I keep checking back here hoping you two will have good news, and you will one day. It's just going to take some time apparently, but don't give up hope, please!


 
Old 06-10-2003, 06:32 PM   #8
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Poreoilyme

Thanks so much for your thoughts. As you know it's a long road. There's no solution the same for any of us. What works for some won't work at all for others. I try very hard to keep the faith and to believe that someday I will be in control over this acne that has taken over my face. I wish you continued success with your clear skin and I am happy for you that you found your miracle. It truly takes a lot of research and patience. (the research I have down pat, its the patience I'm lacking )

Thanks again.
I think its wonderful when people get clear and yet they stick around for the rest of us. I'd do the same. It's nice to have friends.

L
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Old 06-10-2003, 10:06 PM   #9
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daylight568 HB User
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I don't know what to say. I wish things would start getting at LEAST just a lil better for you guys.This is terrible. I hope I never have to go through what you guys are going through again.I'll keep you all in my prayers.

 
Old 06-12-2003, 09:00 PM   #10
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EMMANUEL HB User
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I am also going to pray for both of you. I know exactly how you're feeling. A couple of years ago my skin was extremely bad. I was so depressed about it too. I know what it's like to not want to leave the house due to your acne. Micheguns, it's not petty for you to feel the way you do--it's how you feel, so it is valid. I just hope that you can stop feeling like that, and find a way to go to dinner with your family. Getting your life back to normal may take your mind off your acne, which may help it. I'm not telling you to do it, b/c I know what it's like to feel like you do about going in public and being around people. I'm just wishing for you to feel okay about yourself--no matter what your skin condition--I wish that for everyone here, including myself. Unconditional Self acceptance is hard, but worth a lot.I think it's good that you can envision a "someday"--it's good that you can hope.

Laur,
I hope you get healthy, and like someone else said, I hope to hear good news from you soon.I wish I looked like I used to also.

I am so glad I found this board, and love being able to talk to everyone, and feel like I'm not alone. I want to be here for everyone else too.
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif Emma
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May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to keep you happy.

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~*Emma*~

 
Old 06-13-2003, 09:20 AM   #11
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poreoilyme HB User
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I'm going to pray for two also! It hurts me all over again to read what you're going through because I can really relate to it.

Laur, you need to get your daughter on BHA right away or something else to stop those blackheads of hers before they get deeper. My daughter started breaking out slightly years ago and the minute I saw it I rushed her to a derm immediately who put her on antibiotics, which she has stayed on with perfect results. She has had beautiful skin in the years since simply because it was caught right away. She doesn't even use any topicals on her face except Neutrogena Oil-Free Face wash once a day in the shower, and she has no blackheads at all on her face, lucky girl. I wish I could have sought help as soon as my skin got bad, but no one would take my misery seriously until years down the road when I started to get severely depressed and downright hysterical about it. By then, my pores had enlarged and gotten deeply clogged. Please don't let this happen to your daughter! Even a minor problem should be an alert to get her on something right away. BTW, because of that major depression from my skin in my late teens, no derm would ever allow me to go on Accutane, which only compounded my problems.

Not trying to be bossy, and I'm sure you've already considered this. Just some thoughts as my daughter is so lucky, unlike me--even now, though clear, I'm still cleaning up those pores.

 
Old 06-13-2003, 10:17 AM   #12
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poreoilyme,

Been thinking the same thing. I actually have her using my glycolic cleanser MD forte #1 for about 2 months now. I hope she doesn't have to go through this!
Also, How much more drying is a BHA verses 12% glycolic acid cleanser? And is it a cleanser or a lotion or something??
Glad you're clear......hope this works for you!!

L
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Old 06-13-2003, 10:37 AM   #13
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20withacne HB User
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i just wanted to throw out some support too- i am always here to act as a shoulder to cry on...

julie

 
Old 06-13-2003, 11:30 AM   #14
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Hopetimistic HB User
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Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."

And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall. [by Khalil Gibran]
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The above is only my Personal Humble Opinion, Folks.

I am no expert on these matters. Please consult the (supposed) experts, and seek the advice of other people as well.

 
Old 06-13-2003, 11:33 AM   #15
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laur HB User
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Thank you very much!


L
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laur

 
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