Today I had a general interview and 3hr testing session at one of the largest telecommunications company in the country.
I showed up and I was just on time. What do I walk into? Just like that, Im forced into a room full of about 40 people!!! Talk about being thrown into the spotlight. Everyone was just standing there like statues. I walk in, the lady goes "sir can I have your name?" I give it to her, then she tells me to walk up to her. I did, and re said my name. All this while about 40 people are staring straight at my scared filled face!!! I felt like ****!!!
Into the testing, we walk into this bright and I mean very well lite room with a long table and chairs. I tried sitting at the end where it was the darkest in the room, but the lady told me to move in closer. She then tells me to sit at this certain spot and it just happened to be right NEXT to this really cute girl. I was like "oh man" Not only was she cute, but she had perfect skin!!!
Once I sat down, I felt like crap...she was right next to me and could see my awful face I couldnt focus on anything, other than thinking about I should be at home hiding. She stared at my face a couple times, and I felt like crap. I just wanted to leave and go cry somewhere...cuz I wasnt myself at all. My anxiety was so high at this point that I was getting hot and my face was turning red. Not only that, but oilly'er.
Everyone was probably wondering what was going on. And it shot my chances with the job. if I cant be in a room of 40 strangers how can I work for them, their probably thinking.
Im sorry, I have to end things off here.....this really sadens me...when I cant be myself when it counts the most. I have lost my entire social life and I am way to self concious. I just wanna cry right now, cause I cant enjoy anything in life anymore. Im really sad right now.......
[This message has been edited by FuzzyWuzzy (edited 09-03-2003).]
I think you need a reality check or something to realize that A) Your acne isn't that bad and B) There are many people out there (and probably in that room, dentist office you complained about, etc) that have problems much, MUCH worse than yours.
People don't care that you have acne because they are only concerned about how they look. It's true. I can assure you that no clear skinned person looks at your skin and derives sadistic pleasure by knowing theirs is better. They may look at you for a few seconds, but they really don't care. I'm sure they don't go home and obsess over YOU having acne, and in fact you shouldn't do that either.
i cant do it, Im sorry but as much as i would love to, I just wont leave the house without foundation and concealor.
Right now, Im once again...SUICIDAL!!! Gee what else is new? i cant live like this anymore.
But Im just waiting till I sell some of my nessecities like my car, cell phone, comp, before I leave. And I would be overdosing myself on drugs.....not sure yet on what kind, still doign some researching, but probably tylenol.
I still have to write up personal letters to each and everyone of my family members.
[This message has been edited by FuzzyWuzzy (edited 09-03-2003).]
Please don't talk like that - try not to let the acne get you that down. It's never as bad in others' eyes as it is in your own. Anyway there must be more to you than the skin you're in. And look at the rest of us - there are many people who are also in your shoes who are also here to offer support. Please try to get things in perspective. Try to have a good night and get some sleep.
Im trying, but seriously.....my life hasnt been the same since I was in high school. Right now, Im just not the same person, I have no self confidence. I cant go anywhere with anyone where its bright. I cant even talk to girls anymore cuz Im too self concious about the skin.
This may sound stupid but when I get caught up worrying too much about my skin I try to remember that life is pretty good if the worst thing I have to worry about is my skin. However, I know what you're going through and it's not easy (by any far stretch of the imagination). Have you thought of seeking any kind of treatment for depression? Just a thought. Also, about the girls don't let it get you that down - not to sound like a mother but any girl who would not want to talk to you because of your skin is not worth talking to. Anyway I'm sure she'd be attracted to your personality... Try to cheer up!
Believe me, many people on this board know how you feel. Two years ago (although it was not over acne) I tried to commit suicide. Thank god someone found me and were able to stabilize me before my kidneys could fail. I was put on anti-depressants, and BOY did that make a difference!!! I'm a whole new person and feel that there is nothing I can not do. I'm not saying you need anti-depressants or prof. help, but if I were you, I would try it first. I did not try it first, and boy do I wish I did, because the images of what I did and what almost happened still haunt me. It is so, so not worth it. If you can't afford the antidepressants, just tell the doc and he/she will give you free ones. Both my mom and I (who have different docs) had docs who would give us samples rather than let us go untreated. If I can be of any help at all, please, please let me know. I know how hopeless things can seem. Hang in there.
Well thanks peeps for the friendly and very caring words.
I have gone to see a physhologist b4 and cant anymore cuz my insurance dont cover it.
Right now I am so depressed. Im always alone, always doing everything alone, going out alone. Im a loner. I have no friends anymore, at least ones that I can trust, and the ones that I have have moved away for good.
i too am very concious about my acne around public. i hate giving presentations or being the center of attention due to this crap! its tough doing interviews or just getting a job ... i know how u feel
I know what you mean about being a loner. I've moved several times in the last couple of years. Just keep going out - even if it is alone. And try not to be shy in meeting people. Remember there is no shame in doing things by yourself (and it just makes you more independent). Don't sit around and wait for someone to do things with - make things happen for yourself. Especially if you're feeling down try not to spend too much time alone at home (words of advice from someone who's been depressed). Remember you have support here in people like the rest of us. Keep your chin up.
Oh and another thing browneyedgirl...its not as easy as you may think to just meet strangers out of no where. If I was in school, or taking a sport with them, it would be different. But when youre out alone all the time, its wierd just going up to someone. You also dont want them to think ure desperate either for friends (which i am )
Hey, I know what you mean. I'm single and it seems like my friends are getting engaged and married left and right. Maybe try something new like a different coffee shop or vounteering to meet some new people. Not to sound like Dr. Phil but keep in mind that you have to happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Take care!
Maybe you should really consider volunteering somewhere if you have the time. It's a good way to meet new people (and also helps to make you feel better about yourself (and humanity!)). And I'm not kidding about the coffee shop thing - if it hadn't been for Starbucks I wouldn't have had a social life last time I moved. I wish there was something more I could do - I keep thinking. In the meantime I'm around if you need someone to listen/respond. Hang in there.
[This message has been edited by browneyedgirl77 (edited 09-03-2003).]