Hi, I have to say that it is true - you never stop missing your husband. My husband passed away 10 years ago. I have moved on with my life and have even remarried. I never thought that I would find happiness again and especially find someone I could love again. But - I did. I have been remarried now for 5 years and I truly love my husband I have now and I can also say that I still truly love my first husband and that I still miss him. Those first years were very difficult but I believe that God helped me in many ways. For instance, I went back to work 6 weeks after my husband died. I was a lab tech and had to go to the ER to draw labs on an elderly woman. When I went into the cubucle where the woman was she immediately wanted to introduce me to her son. Then she said very nonchalantly that his father was her first love but he died from a heart attack and that they had been married for 27 years. That was what my husband died from and we had been married for 27 years. Then she said that she married her second husband and they were married for 31 years. Finally she said that she had been a lucky woman because she had 2 wonderful loves in her life. I walked out of there pretty shooked up but still felt that God wanted me to hear her story. Now I tell people that in a very unfortunate way I am very fortunate. I hope some day that you can say the same.
First love was a vendor's in-house rep -- never saw him but spoke to him for 7 years before we agreed to meet. I hated his rushin hands and roman fingers! he apologized, and asked for a second date -- it was worse than the 1st. I called him told him what a jerk he was and he apologized again. He asked for a third chance but this time we were going to his sister's apt to have dinner with her and his best friend who married his sister and became his brother-in-law. My boss said have money and a number for a taxi becuase it could be a setup to get me alone in an apartment. I took his advice but it wasn't necessary -- he was on his best behavior and we had a wonderful time -- I fell in love. He surprised me with a ring 9 months later at a dinner shared with his two sisters and their signifant others, and we were married 11 months later. I had a great 22 year marriage, short that it was and have two wonderful, blessings with my children; 24 and 21.
Now I prayed that god would help heal my heart-ache. After praying and changing it from God, please send me someone I changed it to; God whatever you decree, let me be satisfied and live in your direction but to do it, please help me heal my aching pain. And lo and behold, someone 'winked' at me at a dating site. I met the person at a local restaurant and thought he looked familiar. he is also a widower with a 19 year old son.
turns out that he use to work for my company for 11 years, and we would pass each other in the hall or cafeteria. He remembered my 'thinner' me and I fell in love all over again with this person who is so different from my first.
he's kind, considerate, and caring but all too quiet. But he says he loves me and I know i am head over heels in love with him. So here we are: 12 miles from each other. he knows my company-dynamics and lets me vent on bad days. He has a 19 year and and I have 20 somethings. He is a widower and I am a widow. He's been without his wife for more years than I.
I'm enjoying the moment so to speak. We'll have to see if someday during the future, he asks me to marry him. We can't do anything until we are over 60 due to social security requirements. But I'm praying he'll ask me to move in with him sometime soon. Our kids come first and we both agree that we'd like to try to hold off until they are out on their own, becuase they want to not because we put our selfish need to be together ahead of them being comfortable around one another.
So, there are miracles being performed everyday by someone of a higher power. I happened to be blessed twice in my lifetime.
Last edited by caringsister54; 01-31-2009 at 06:55 PM.
caring I cant file bankruptcy. Iv got his life insurance hope you are doing well. we all know our love ones are in better place. just so hard not seeing them anymore. iv read your posts through the board. still cant get the complete hang of this. but you did a good job explaining it. take care love disney world
Hope everyone is doing well. I made it through Valentines Day. I had went back home for the weekend and I really htink that helped me get through it. I visited my grandxhildren and really had a good time. I was on my way back home Sunday and kinda felt guilty . I know my husband wouldn't want me to feel that way but I do anyway. Even though I had a good time I still wish he was here with me. I miss him so much.
Hope all is well with everyone else.
It will be 4 years this April on Mikey joining God. I've had 3 christmas' and other holidays and birthdays since he died. Let me tell you, I still cry after celebrating with his family.
I cry on the way home, distressing my kids. I try to convey that I'm crying because 1) he's not around to have the fun and laughter in person and 2) I cry because I am starting to feel like I truly don't belong. They were his family and while they embraced me in their love, I feel strange especially when they talk memories of stuff before I came into their lives.
So, while you had a great time, its not strange that you felt some twinge of guilt. That is part of the grieving process.