New to this board-Lost my father-in-law and having a hard time

[livelovelaugh52]

I need a place to talk about how I am feeling. We lost my father in law on Nov. 20, 2008 and I miss him terribly. I was his caretaker for the last year and a half-after his wife passed away in '07. We have always been close but this passed year we became even closer. I was with him everyday. And now, I'm not really sure what I am suppossed to do. I clean my house and take care of my family but there is this empty space and it seems like when I think I am doing good, everything comes rushing back.

Here's what I went through.....

To begin Dad was 95. Just turned that in August. We celebrated with a family dinner at his home. This man lived by himself and always felt like a burden. His daughter and I started taking turns with him because he seemed like he was getting so frail. He got sick and was in the hospital with phnemonia and then seemed to get better and then he started having a hard time catching his breath. He went back into the hospital but didn't seem to get any better. So, he came home and we tried to do as much as we could like before but it wasn't the same and it bothered him. We started staying the night with him because he couldn't do things himself. That was for about a week. My husband took his turn and I came over in the morning and he asked to go into his own bed-we had a hospital bed in the livingroom then-he took a little nap and then I checked on him and he told me it was time that I let him go. I knew it was coming..but didn't expect it. So, I sat on the bed with him, held his hand and told him it would be ok. Then I asked if he wanted to call his other children and he said yes. I went into the livingroom and told my husband and then I called everyone. We all said our goodbyes and he called everyone that he wanted to talk to. Then we called hospice. It was a week and he was gone. He died at home like he wanted. With his daughter and me there with him like we promised him. I didn't know how hard it was going to be to watch him slip away. He went from talking and feeding himself to nothing. We fed him and kept him clean. He eventually slipped into coma but we held his hand all the time. He didn't go a couple of minutes without one of us holding it even while we slept. Which we really didn't do for 2 days. The hospice nurse told us that the dog would know when he was going to pass and the dog whined really loud, I asked what is he doing, then my sister in law said his eyes are open. I knew when I looked at him it was time, I went to him, told him I loved him and that everything would be fine and then she said his color is changing....he took two breaths and that was it. He didn't suffer. It was very peaceful.

I just can't get passed all of it. It was so hard to watch him slip away. I think I am doing good one minute and then it all comes flooding back.

Thanks for listening.........I know it is going to take time....just wish it wouldn't take so long.

[showe0005]

I lost my husband Dec.15th 2008. Like you I watched him slip away. That was the hardest thing I have ever done. He was on life support, but his lungs were so damaged from the chemo or bone marrow transplant that even the life support couldn't keep his oxygen up to where it needed to be. He went in the hospital on Nov.12th and that day he was on the respraitor 4 and a half weeks. The doctors only give him a 10 percent chance of making it. I refused to beleive he wouldn't. I know how hard he fought his cancer and how hard he wanted things at home to stay as normal as possible. To the point that he wanted me to continue to work when he was in the hospital getting his chemo. He would get chemo for 24 hours a day for a week and when have 2 weeks at home before doing it again. His bone marrow transplant was in August and he came home 3 weeks after receiving his transplant. He was going great and then all of a sudden he starting going down hill and the doctors couldn't really pinpoint what was going on. He died of ARDS which is lung failure. It has been 5 weeks now, but I hurt like it was yesterday. I miss him so bad and I feel as though apart of me died with him. Sometimes I sit here and don't know what I am suppose to do next. It's hard and I wonder how I will ever make it without him. We were only married 7 years but he is the love of my life. He made me so happy that I can't imagine how my life can ever be whole again. All I can tell you is that talking about it does help.