New to this board-Lost my father-in-law and having a hard time
I need a place to talk about how I am feeling. We lost my father in law on Nov. 20, 2008 and I miss him terribly. I was his caretaker for the last year and a half-after his wife passed away in '07. We have always been close but this passed year we became even closer. I was with him everyday. And now, I'm not really sure what I am suppossed to do. I clean my house and take care of my family but there is this empty space and it seems like when I think I am doing good, everything comes rushing back.
Here's what I went through.....
To begin Dad was 95. Just turned that in August. We celebrated with a family dinner at his home. This man lived by himself and always felt like a burden. His daughter and I started taking turns with him because he seemed like he was getting so frail. He got sick and was in the hospital with phnemonia and then seemed to get better and then he started having a hard time catching his breath. He went back into the hospital but didn't seem to get any better. So, he came home and we tried to do as much as we could like before but it wasn't the same and it bothered him. We started staying the night with him because he couldn't do things himself. That was for about a week. My husband took his turn and I came over in the morning and he asked to go into his own bed-we had a hospital bed in the livingroom then-he took a little nap and then I checked on him and he told me it was time that I let him go. I knew it was coming..but didn't expect it. So, I sat on the bed with him, held his hand and told him it would be ok. Then I asked if he wanted to call his other children and he said yes. I went into the livingroom and told my husband and then I called everyone. We all said our goodbyes and he called everyone that he wanted to talk to. Then we called hospice. It was a week and he was gone. He died at home like he wanted. With his daughter and me there with him like we promised him. I didn't know how hard it was going to be to watch him slip away. He went from talking and feeding himself to nothing. We fed him and kept him clean. He eventually slipped into coma but we held his hand all the time. He didn't go a couple of minutes without one of us holding it even while we slept. Which we really didn't do for 2 days. The hospice nurse told us that the dog would know when he was going to pass and the dog whined really loud, I asked what is he doing, then my sister in law said his eyes are open. I knew when I looked at him it was time, I went to him, told him I loved him and that everything would be fine and then she said his color is changing....he took two breaths and that was it. He didn't suffer. It was very peaceful.
I just can't get passed all of it. It was so hard to watch him slip away. I think I am doing good one minute and then it all comes flooding back.
Thanks for listening.........I know it is going to take time....just wish it wouldn't take so long.