After reading some of the responses in another forum (Autism), I've thought of something that's been bugging me for a loooong time:
In addition to being hungry for change, embracing change and new things, needing constant stimulation and getting bored easily, there is also a strong part (autistic?) of me that longs for rigid routine, for familiarity, that hates letting go of things, that is anxious about new things, that wants me to do everything on my own (need no help, do it all myself), that wants to hide in a warm and cosy place where I feel safe and happy.
That other part of me does probably partly originate from growing up being the way I am (bored easily, social problems etc. I am wary and have been rejected often), but I do know that being overly cautious, anxious, fiercely independant and isolated etc, were also part of how I have always been.
As a kid I was on one hand exuberant, extremely curious and thirsty for knowledge, outgoing, adventurous, messed about and explored, climbed trees and was generally cheekier and more of a tomboy than the other girls, but in many ways I was also very anxious and extremely cautious, shy, had trouble letting go, couldn't handle not having solid ground under my feet (skiing, diving, jumping, cycling etc. although I do admit that may be due to the fact that I can't estimate things and situations very well, the vagueness of which I would guess is connected to ADD), felt drawn to what was familiar and spent hours on end doing such atypical things (for a child my age) as reading encyclopaedias, medical books and phone books "in a world of my own", while other kids were outside playing team games and playing with dolls.
In a way there are good and bad aspects to this, on one hand I am sure without the isolation and unwillingness to communicate/anxiety of asking for help I would have slacked a lot more, would never have had the need to develop the skill I have now (because I would have relied on others to do things for me, would have demanded assistance more often) and without the desparate urge for stimulation I would have ended up isolated, unadventurous, far more afraid of the world than I am now, as the urge for change and the inner unrest has on many occasions helped me overcome even the strongest fear and the highest hurdles.
However the inner struggle is very difficult, there isn't really any "middle ground" because I'm either too isolated/rigid or too chaotic/adventurous (can change several times even in one day).
I have long deemed myself "semi-autistic" in my own mind, but I've been wondering recently whether a combination of high-functioning autism and AD/HD could explain how I am unable to focus on the present, eager for change and stimulation, constant inner and sometimes external unrest, yet at the same time so rigid, anxious of change and trapped in the current situation that it annoys not just me but others around me as well.
This "twofold mindset" also makes it more difficult to explain myself to people, and to understand myself, simply because I am at the same time so rigid, introvert, traditional, boring, adapted and quiet yet also full of imagination, outgoing, restless, rebellious and opinionated.
Especially when discussing things with my boyfriend, whatever struggle/problem I complain about he'll be able to drag up something from the "other side" to disprove what I'm saying, and I don't have anything to say to that.
I constantly find myself contradicting myself, not because what I feel or say of myself is untrue, but because, in some twisted way, the opposite is also partly true.
However I strongly suspect I would not be as strong and functional as I am if there was only one aspect of this rather than these oppositional sides (If that makes sense).
I can, overall, identify almost completely with AD/HD (at least in how it manifests in girls) but there are some strong autistic traits/elements that I can also very much identify with, which seemingly contratic my AD/HD tendencies.
Now the neurologist who is going to assess me in December specialises in AD/HD "with complications" (esp. Aspergers) but I was just wondering whether anyone could shed any light on how a combination of AD/HD and autism would manifest itself.
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25, female, AS with attentional dysfunction
Redhead, I found this info on Asperger's for you. I will try to find something that combines the two also. Hope this helps.
List of Possible Characteristics of a Person with
Asperger's Syndrome (AS), High Functioning Autism (HFA) or
Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS)
NO ONE WILL HAVE ALL THESE CHARACTERISTICS! These are POSSIBLE characteristics! Some of the characteristics may also be seen in conjunction with other diagnoses such as Noonan Syndrome, Tourette Syndrome, OCD, etc.
Cognitive Learning
Excellent rote memory in certain areas
Unregulated fears; difficulty judging situations that create fear - may be overly fearful in safe situations, yet fearless in dangerous situations
Very detail-oriented
difficulty seeing overall picture or situation
applies same level of detail to every situation whether appropriate or not
May have exceptionally high skills in some areas, but very low skills in others, i.e., splinter skills, savant skills, or special talents
Prefers concrete, rather than abstract, concepts
Language
Pronoun reversal
Excellent vocabulary; may sound like “The Little Professor”
Conversational language may appear stilted
Speaks with stock phrases or phrases borrowed from other situations or people
Makes honest, but often inappropriate observations
Has difficulties adjusting volume and speed in speech
Problems with prosody; irregular accenting and inflection used in conversation
Literal language: difficulty understanding figures of speech, similes,
parodies, allegories, etc.
Speech may have started very early in development or may have started then stopped for a period of time
Repeats last word or phrases several times (echolalia)
Difficulty understanding some language, i.e., directional terms easily confused
Emotions
Rage/anger/hurt may all be expressed in unexpected ways
Perfectionism
Easily overstimulated by sound, crowds, lights, smells
Inside feeling not matching outside behavior
Motor Skills
Difficulty with some skills requiring motor skill development
Gross motor skills - riding bike, swimming, crawling
Fine motor skills - handwriting, tying shoes
May have some advanced, age-appropriate skills while other age-appropriate skills are delayed, i.e., tying shoes before climbing stairs
Unusual walking gait or clumsiness
Difficulty with motor skills that require visual perception accuracy, i.e., walking through a parking lot, revolving door or turnstiles, participating in sports, guiding a shopping cart
Perseveration - “The tendency of an idea, experience, or response to persist in an individual.” Webster’s New World Dictionary
"per sev er a tion ( ... ) n. Psychology. Continued or repetitive activity or actions: 1. the uncontrollable repetition of a word, phrase, or gesture. 2. The spontaneous recurrence of a thought, image, phrase, or tune in the mind”
American Heritage Dictionary
Obsession - the fact or state of being obsessed with an idea, desire, emotion, etc.
Compulsions - an irresistible, repeated, irrational impulse to perform some act
Fascination with rotation
Many and varied collections
Redirection very difficult (changing focus or thinking from one activity or idea to another)
One emotional incident can determine the mood for the rest of the day; can’t let emotions pass quickly
Social Cues
Difficulty reading facial expression and emotion in another person
Difficulty understanding body language
Difficulty understanding the rules of conversation
Difficulty understanding group interactions
Too much or too little eye contact
Difficulty understanding others’ humor
Problems recognizing faces out of the usual setting or known context (face-blindness or prosopagnosia)
Stand-offish or overly friendly
May adopt others’ behaviors, speech or dress habits to aid in more fluid communication and social adaptation
Senses
Very sensitive or undersensitive to light, pain, taste, touch, sound, smell
May have injuries of which they are not aware
May experience physical pain from oversensitivity to light, sound, touch
Very picky eater, both in selections of foods and in the way they are presented on the plate
May crave specific touch, taste, smell, sight, sound, lights
Over-sensitive to change in surroundings, people, places
Over stimulation may result from too many verbal directions or instructions
Comfort Skills
Desires comfort items to produce calming effect - blankets, stuffed animals
May need external (outside) stimulation for calming - brushing, soothing sound, rotating object
Comforted by minor motor stimulations - rocking, humming, tapping fingers, toes, sucking, rubbing fingertips in circles or on seams of clothing
May need separate space or area to decompress
Unusual attachment to object
Self-stimulation i.e., rocking, tapping, humming, etc.,to increase concentration and attention or to calm down and relax
Neurological Function
Erratic neurological function
Attention difficulties
Irregular sleep patterns
Understanding and working with time concepts difficult
Sensory processing disorders (how the brain processes information it receives from the sensory organs)
Visual processing disorders
Auditory processing disorders
Sensory integration disorders
New Situations, Patterns, People
Rule-oriented
Prefers known patterns with little unexpected surprises
Prefers familiar places, clothing, people
Difficulty with transitions when changing activities
Difficulty making and maintaining friendships (especially peer friendships); more successful with adults than other children or young people
NO ONE WILL HAVE ALL THESE CHARACTERISTICS! These are POSSIBLE characteristics! It is suggested that this document be used as a check list to mark the past and present characteristics.
The “List of Possible Characteristics of a Person with Asperger’s Syndrome” is included in the book, Tap Dancing in the night. Copyright 2001 by Martha Kate Downey, published by Phat Art 4 Publishing.
The “List of Possible Characteristics of a Person with Asperger’s Syndrome” may be photocopied as desired; however, it must remain in its original form with credits included.
Martha Kate Downey, [email]mdo651@airmail.net[/email]
505 Euless, Texas 76039-2067
[url]www.mkdowney.com[/url]
Wow thanks I don't think I've ever seen such a detailed list before!
I can definitely identify with most of these points, although unlike the "typical" AS picture I tend to get bored of these "special interests" or "obsessions" (subjects I am very much into and keep researching continuously) quite quickly.
I also forgot to add that my cousin (mothers' side) has Aspergers, at least we were told he had something on the autism spectrum but with hindsight his lifelong obsession with trains (in addition to many, many other pointers) does seem to point to AS more than anything else.
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25, female, AS with attentional dysfunction
What you said in your post was wonderful. It seems to be an accurate description of something I wonder about myself.
I have an intense need for change, whether in work, socially, whatever. I alway think there must be a better way to solve a problem. At the same time, I almost always withdraw into my own world at home and pay no attentition or avoid the outside world.
I try very hard to make people think I'm normal.
I am a "sucessful" manager at a very large US company, direct people, and spend lots of time with customers. I excel technically, customers trust my judgement, and I love to see new things and learn...recently been inside the space shuttle although it wasn't flying
BUT... I rarely (if ever) feel connected to anyone, and do everything to avoid social situations. I happiest alone watching TV, surfing the net, exercizing, or hiking. I'm in my own world, and comfortable with it. I "space out" and my mind wanders. Sometimes I wonder If there was nobody else in the world, if I'd really care.
I alway question why I'm different. I think I'm about as close to being autistic you can be, and still being able to "Fake" everyone to think I'm normal.
I'm 33, take Ritalin for ADD, but it really doesn't totally address my problems. I tell my Psyc enough to keep me on Ritalin, cause it helps me focus on what I need to do...but I don't know how to even broach a discussion about what I really feel.
Well, anyway, I've never posted before. You touched on something and put it into words better than I can, so thanks!
I am glad to know that others feel the same way - I have often heard that ADD and Aspergers do quite frequently go hand in hand, but have very rarely found any kind of description of how the two would manifest alongside each other. I do know a young man who was diagnosed with both, but he also has a bipolar diagnosis as well as ODD and some other things so while there are quite a few similarities, there is too much going on for anything to be recognisable any more.
I will post again tomorrow when I've found out some more!
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25, female, AS with attentional dysfunction
Linear Mode
