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Old 01-06-2004, 04:29 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Louisville, KY USA
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ebmccauley HB User
Unhappy New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

Hello
I landed here after doing a search on "concerta vs. metadate" because after changing to Metadate, we are having nothing but problems. Now my son is showing so much aggressive behavior that he is about to get kicked off the school bus.

I feel so alone with this. I know no other parents of ADHD children. I am always having to double-check my rights regarding the public school. Thank God we have a good psychologist now, though we are looking around for another psychiatrist because she is nothing but a prescription writer and there is no guidance.

So I come to post and realize I already apparently have a profile here and just had to get my password again. I guess I have been here before.

I just wanted to reach out. I do not know yet how active this forum is, but thing with my son are getting worse and worse, and I feel distraught and unable to focus on the other parts of life lately.

Saturday he got angry and broke a window and said he did it because he wanted to jump out of it. I am so scared for my little boy and not sure exactly what to do ==== every time I think we have everything covered, it seems to change. Everytime I think I have some kind of handle on what is wrong with him, it seems to change. Does anyone relate to this?

Meanwhile, there is the constant balance between accommodating him for his disorders, and giving him consequences for his misbehavior. That is the toughest thing to deal with, as even the after-school care provider director just said to me that she thinks we all use his disorder as an excuse to let him behave badly. I told her, in so many words, Oh yeah well Saturday he said he wanted to kill himself. So do you want to make him feel bad? He might not be able to control as much as we think.

It's back to the drawing board - looking for another doctor. Trying Concerta again. Does everyone have this much difficulty caring for their ADHD child?

Also if you use this forum and also know of other active forums, especially those focused on parents of ADHD children, or know where I might get support in Louisville, KY, I would REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

Thanks for listening.

Last edited by moderator2; 01-10-2004 at 02:25 PM. Reason: Please carefully read, know and follow the board guidelines and posting policy. Thank you. It is not allowed to post other forums.

 
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Old 01-06-2004, 09:04 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 235
rainonwindow HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

Hi, it is nice to meet you.

It seems like you are aware that your son's aggressive behavior may be due to his meds. My daughter responded really well to ritalin - unfortunately she develops a tolerance to her dosage and so can only take this medication on an occasional basis. We tried her on dexedrine however and she went 'bonkers'. She was in high school at the time so fortunately she was able to tell her teacher that she felt like she was on the verge of loosing control and becoming violent. Her moods were flying all over the place and she felt very aggressive. But ritalin on the other hand is a very calming medication for her.....

My daughter was suspended from school several times while in the sixth grade. One time was for jabbing a child with a pencil, another time for biting a child and the third time for brandishing a stick. Each time she was provoked but of course her response was completely unacceptable. I did not punish her however. I remained calm and supportive. Her answer to why she bit etc was: 'I didn't know I was going to do it - I just did it.' She felt very badly.

It had become clear to me that she was doing the best she could and that she was not able to control her behaviour. Accepting this allowed me to be empathetic. I told her that it must be very frustrating to be losing control. She was tremendously relieved that I understood. Because she felt like I wasn't judging her in a negative way, she was open to discussing with me how to solve her difficulties.

I knew that it was very important that I focus on preserving my daughter's self-esteem. She didn't want to be behaving the way she was and began developing a negative opinion of herself. I made extra effort to tell her that I love her and that I felt lucky to be her mom.

Fortunately we didn't have another bad school year like that again. I talked to the principal and got her backing to transfer my daughter to another elementary school mid year. The children were relentless in teasing my daughter and would for example, approach her if she was reading a book to taunt her. I switched my daughter to another public school that had a zero tolerance policy for teasing and a well-established proceedure for dealing with it if it happened. I also started my daughter on ritalin which had a dramatic impact on her behavior. The ritalin also enabled my daughter to comprehend and accept that she had a genuine disorder. This helped to lessen her guilt.

Unfortunate, she was unable to keep taking the ritalin on a regular basis so she required a great deal of academic and emotional support through junior high. But with it, she did okay. There still was some difficulties with her peers however. One year the school told me that it was discovered a group of girls were planning to 'jump' her after school. After that, even though she was in junior high, I would accompany her to and from school.

One of the best things I ever did for my daughter was place her in a private all-girls Catholic high school. (we are not Catholic). It was a wonderful environment for my daughter. It was a small school that assigned each girl a 'big sister' and fostered pride and cohesiveness. My daughter didn't need to worry at all about teasing. She made a wonderful group of friends and just blossomed socially.

My daughter is in college now. She has good self-esteem and far more friends than I do. She still has all her ADHD symptoms and difficulties accademically. We are even going to an appointment to discuss trying medication again. But I have found that my patience with her really paid off. We have a great relationship. She listens to me and values my input.

I have written a book - but let me add one more thing. My daughter was unable all the way through junior high to get her homework done without me there. Her ability to focus was extremely poor and any attempt to do so would leave her brain completely exhausted. So I would often do every other homework problem with her when she was in elementary school to help her stay focused and complete the assignment. In junior high I needed to help her keep track of assignments and had bins for her to place them in. Still a lot of things would be lost. I even bought a bell for her to ding when she completed something. In high school as well, she needed great support to get her assignments completed. All through the school years, I was in touch with her teachers. Her difficulties of course were 24 hours a day. She was just as ADHD at home as she was in school.

Her sixth grade year was a real 'low' point but every year after that was a stride forward. The best thing I did as a parent was maintain a good supportive relationship with her. Patience was essential and a blessing for her. The thing I feel best about now is the fact that her self-esteem is good and that she is able to form good friendships with good people. That was my biggest wish for her and it came true.

 
Old 01-07-2004, 05:18 AM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,948
index.html HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainonwindow
I knew that it was very important that I focus on preserving my daughter's self-esteem. She didn't want to be behaving the way she was and began developing a negative opinion of herself. I made extra effort to tell her that I love her and that I felt lucky to be her mom.
....
The best thing I did as a parent was maintain a good supportive relationship with her. Patience was essential and a blessing for her. The thing I feel best about now is the fact that her self-esteem is good and that she is able to form good friendships with good people. That was my biggest wish for her and it came true.

Wow, Rain, you sound like one smart Mama! I'm in awe! I'd love to know the name of your book.

Welcome, ebm. Unfortunately, yes, dealing with ADHD in our family is a constant struggle as well. At this point, I can't offer much advice, but I'm glad to "listen". Welcome!

 
Old 01-08-2004, 09:17 AM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: NJ USA
Posts: 160
szarkam HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

Some days are a constant struggle and other days I have a wonderful little girl. We have been lucky so far and have not had to use Meds - we are trying Becalm'd and an additional liquid calcium/magnesium supplement - it took about a month, but we have seen some improvement. Not all days are good, but she was invited to a playdate and a b-day party for kids she "made new friends with" and that is a big deal.
I stay on top of her schoolwork and we even do extra on the weekends to stay in the routine and I think it really helps.

We are hear to listen and lend support.
Good luck

 
Old 01-10-2004, 10:27 AM   #5
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 12
Amiem HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

I have a 7yr old son who was dx w adhd about a year ago. The rx he was given did help for a short time while he was in school. But after school was awful!! He would have these fits, cry, throw himself on the floor and would also say things like I wish I was dead and I should kill myself so that no one will be mad at me.
When I told all of this to his dr, she just said, he knows how to get me and the reason he is on the meds is so that he behaves better in school. I also had people say to me (like the woman you mentioned above from his school) that he knows when he is bad, he can control SOME of it. People that do not deal w this have no idea what it is like. Anyway, I did research of my own. I read a book called the add & adhd diet (got it from a health food store). It was so helpful!! And come to find out my sons probelm was that he is wheat intolerant. No more meds. Last summer I took wheat out of his diet. It was hard, but very well worth it!! He also needed more protein and less carbs in his diet. He is doing well in school and does act his age. and has never said another word about taking his life. Good luck to you and your son!! Amie

 
Old 01-10-2004, 11:02 AM   #6
Newbie
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: wa state
Posts: 2
jamers HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

Quote:
Originally Posted by ebmccauley
Hello
I landed here after doing a search on "concerta vs. metadate" because after changing to Metadate, we are having nothing but problems. Now my son is showing so much aggressive behavior that he is about to get kicked off the school bus.

I feel so alone with this. I know no other parents of ADHD children. I am always having to double-check my rights regarding the public school. Thank God we have a good psychologist now, though we are looking around for another psychiatrist because she is nothing but a prescription writer and there is no guidance.

So I come to post and realize I already apparently have a profile here and just had to get my password again. I guess I have been here before.

I just wanted to reach out. I do not know yet how active this forum is, but thing with my son are getting worse and worse, and I feel distraught and unable to focus on the other parts of life lately.

Saturday he got angry and broke a window and said he did it because he wanted to jump out of it. I am so scared for my little boy and not sure exactly what to do ==== every time I think we have everything covered, it seems to change. Everytime I think I have some kind of handle on what is wrong with him, it seems to change. Does anyone relate to this?

Meanwhile, there is the constant balance between accommodating him for his disorders, and giving him consequences for his misbehavior. That is the toughest thing to deal with, as even the after-school care provider director just said to me that she thinks we all use his disorder as an excuse to let him behave badly. I told her, in so many words, Oh yeah well Saturday he said he wanted to kill himself. So do you want to make him feel bad? He might not be able to control as much as we think.

It's back to the drawing board - looking for another doctor. Trying Concerta again. Does everyone have this much difficulty caring for their ADHD child?

Also if you use this forum and also know of other active forums, especially those focused on parents of ADHD children, or know where I might get support in Louisville, KY, I would REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

Thanks for listening.
hi
i know how u fell i ahve a 3 yr old with adhd he things he has to have things his way and he thinks if he dont he gets mad he throws fits and think he shought get what he wants


ty Jaime

Last edited by moderator2; 01-10-2004 at 11:05 AM. Reason: Please carefully read, know and follow the board posting guidelines. Thank you.

 
Old 01-10-2004, 02:18 PM   #7
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: NJ USA
Posts: 160
szarkam HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

That is so great that it only turned out to be a food allergy.
Best of Luck to you.

 
Old 01-12-2004, 09:13 AM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 33
cindyk HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

ebmccaule-
I really feel for you. Yes, there are many others having your struggles. My son is 10 and we have had ups and downs since he was 8. He could never really focus in school since 1st grade; however he really was never a behaivor problem until he started on meds at age 8. Not really at school though, it was at home when medicine was wearing off. We tried medadate and for a few weeks it seemed to work well, but then he became extremely irritable and aggressive. I finally attributed it to the medadate. We now do ritalin usually just in the mornings and he is much better. Focusing in the afternoon is still hard, but his behaivor/mood is better and that is worth a lot. We also do most of his homework in the mornings when he is focused, so our afternoons are much better! I try to let him be active after school as that is what his body likes which once again makes him in a better mood. He still has some irritability and mood swings at times, but not as severe and he seems to get control pretty quick. However I think some of that is just normal for some boys. He is very active and intense and growing so fast, so I try not to blame it all on ADHD issues.
It's really hard dealing with sometimes as we worry about when they get older. I just try and stay in touch with people going thru the same thing and keep searching for helpful info.
Good luck to you and your little boy.

 
Old 01-15-2004, 07:24 PM   #9
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 118
Epiphany2003 HB User
Re: New here - parent of 7yo ADHD boy - need support

Hello. I haven't read the other responses, so I am sorry if I end up repeating or don't say anything new.

I am the full time step-mom of an 8 year-old ADHD/depressed boy. Talk about not getting support as a parent! I tell ya, being the step-parent, yet being full-time in the role of a bio-parent is SO rough. Thank god for IEP's and parnet/student rights.... otherwise my step-son would not be in school right now and we'd be paying for private or trying to get him in a charter.

We've also run the gamot of medication: adderoll to metadate to stratterra back to metadate back to adderoll back to metadate... also while pairing with anti-depressants... he was on Prozac for awhile and was just switched to Zoloft.

It's so hard I want to pull my hair out. He is usually not too bad at home... should I say "manageble" because we're here to watch over him 24/7. But, when he is at school he is like another kid. Screaming, crying, being insubordinate, refusing to work, threatening other kids and fighting... you name it. If my husband could follow him around all day, it'd be a different story... but we can't. And then we have to hear about how he wishes he was never born and just wants to die... he NEVER talks like this to us! He is a happy kid with us! But at school and when talking one on one with the counselor he feels worthless, etc.

I know this is a mental disorder and he cannot control himself 100%... but knowing how deceitful and dishonest he can be, I KNOW he can control some of it. At least enough to be somewhat decent at school.

Anyway, that's my ramble and my story in a nutshell. It's so hard, but it sounds like you are a very caring and nuturing mother, so everything will work out. Good luck

 
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