Hi Green-- a couple of things strike me, off the top:
Think of 3 relationships: 1) you:your ADD, 2) you:your friend, 3) your ADD: your friend.
(1) You are doing things about this and that's great-- and what you're doing is great! but you probably already know that the behavioral-only Rx is relatively long term, so this is going to improve but probably not as fast as it might need relative to (2). Meds tend to be fairly rapid acting (couple-several weeks) and beneficial (when they're beneficial) but it typically takes time to find the right meds (one or more, probably) and dosage regimen; so, I think you should expect some not-so-short-term effects @ meds; rather, at least in my experience, there's a several month period of uncertainty about which meds and how much are the best mix.
(2) What I was saying about particular kinds of interactions is that they have negative side effects, esp. chronic (ongoing) and sometimes acute (bickering/spats/yelling/storming out of the room/house fuming), that affect in both the short and long term. When people develop a commitment to each other, they tend to 'stick it out' but it takes a toll usually. So...
(3) - work on helping your friend understand your ADD's symptoms as affect your relationship with him
- do you have access to an affinity group where there might be others like yourself or him who could talk about it, preferably interactively? If you don't know, it might be worthwhile to scour the bushes a bit and see if you can drum up something even a ways away from where you live once a week or something; sounds like you're very serious about trying to keep this relationship and even turn it into marriage!
- when these symptoms strike, see if you can catch them as they occur and ask him to help you re-start a bit so as to not get further into a frustrating situation. Also (no blame no shame
) encourage him
- to be on the lookout for them and clue you (no blame no shame!!
) -- it's not just a rationalization that sometimes you just don't see it, at least see it coming; or that you can't quite 'stop' yourself when one of these problem interaction is occurring. I mean, it IS disruptive and can be hurtful, so I say go after it with a fire extinguisher (well, a HOME fire extinguisher, maybe
- maybe do some retrospectives with him, you know, go out for a walk to enjoy spring ... just relax .... review how y'all are doing re: this under unthreatening circumstances ... ... ...
- find out more about what bugs him the most about it and see if there's something you can use your commitment to the relationship and (whoa!) super-focus to work on. Not too many too much too fast, but a couple of key ones. Focus, focus, focus, you know-- that's your strongweak point in this regard...
Well, I think/hope you see where I'm going with this. Focus for me works better when I can "separate the beams", so to speak as they said in "Ghostbusters, remember? "Crossing the beams is BAAADDD!!" In this context, as you say, you get things mudded, so that's why it occured to me that especially because you're really subjectively involved in this, you should try to keep the 'beams (1-3)" separate.
Also, beware that mixing clinical and personal is another kind of mixing beams problem. Because you know something is good but as they say, a little knowledge can go a long way but also can be dangerous; and, because you're personally involved, you should be careful to keep those beams as clearly separate as you can.
And, I guess, last but by no means least, remember that ADD can strike at any time while your juggling these beams.
And then, everything will be like: YAY!!
Well, hopefully better!! Godspeed...