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Old 04-05-2004, 06:13 AM   #1
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aleve777 HB User
Insensitive

Hi, I'm a 19 year old college female (sophomore) and I've been diagnosed with ADD since 8th grade. I was wondering if anyone could relate to some problems I'm having or offer some advice. Ok, so I've always had a horrible short-term memory, lacked any concept of time, and have always tended to be a little spacey/goofy. It was never really pointed out at home to the extent that it is here. The friends I've made here, while wonderful people, are pretty freaking cruel when it comes to my issues with these things. Most are just sarcastic quips but one of my friends seems to think I do it on purpose, or that I'm just too dumb or don't care enough about so-and-so to remember what class they have, at what time, on what day, with what friends, and with which professor! The other day she literally said in a snotty voice "gee what a shocker, you not remember something!"Ok, yeah I'm sure if I could never remember anything, I would get ****** too...but she was asking me to remember the exact words used in a quick email from our other friend...I mean the EXACT wording, no joke. I had no problem remember what he had wanted, the dates, who was coming, and so on, but to remember word for word some freaking email? Ok I understand this is a bit of a rant, but I just don't understand why it is necessary to always make me feel guilty and stupid when I don't remember things, tune out and say what, etc... arrgghhhh, my friends at home were wonderful, I never realized what a big problem it was....I really love my friends here but I'm getting sick of playing the role of the dumb, forgetful, and selfish ditz who amuses everyone....argh, sorry for the vent....

Lisa

 
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Old 04-05-2004, 07:45 AM   #2
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Dornico HB User
Re: Insensitive

Hi, Lisa

I'm so sorry you have to deal with such an insensitive person. But, it's been my experience that some people really need to make others look bad, in order to make themselves look better.
You've enough on your plate remembering your own stuff, never mind someone elses. If you've explained your situation and they continue to act so rudely....maybe it's time to broaden your horizons.

The best of luck to you...keep up the good work!!!

 
Old 04-05-2004, 10:04 AM   #3
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Re: Insensitive

Quote:
Originally Posted by aleve777
..I really love my friends here but I'm getting sick of playing the role of the dumb, forgetful, and selfish ditz who amuses everyone....
Lisa, I'm sorry but I have a hard time calling people "friends" who make you feel this bad about yourself.

My only advise is to do some introspection. Sometimes, it's hard for those of us with ADD to pick up on social cues and to know when other people say things like this jokingly. Sometimes, we take things seriously that aren't meant that way. Is that possible in your case?

If not, then I think you should think about whether these are people that you really want for friends. Life is too short to spend it with people who make you feel bad about yourself.

 
Old 04-06-2004, 11:28 AM   #4
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Paula B HB User
Re: Insensitive

Hi Lisa!
I think we all have a little ADD. My 20-year-old son has it...you can read about our problems with him in "we've lost our son". Anyway, I know what rude things your peers can say. Try to ignore them the best that you can. Even if you tell them that you have this disability they are not going to understand it unless they themselves have ADD as well. People do think that it is made up thing. College years can be some of the best years of your life. I'm sure that you might be able to find a friend who will try to understand. If your disability is bad enough you should probably be on a 504 plan....then perhaps a counselor can help too. Good luck!

 
Old 04-06-2004, 09:22 PM   #5
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volleyball98 HB User
Re: Insensitive

I feel ya, im a 19 year college student with ADHD. To top it off im a triplet and get compared to my sisters all the time. I get a lot of crap from people as well....and I HATE saying that i have ADHD because people automatically assume im using it as an excuse but on the other hand i have a few great awesome friends who understand it. Sometimes I just laugh with them or make fun of myself....which cant be too healthy, but sometimes i think its better to pretend to laugh witht hem then let them see they really hurt you! Try to hang in there...... i've learned that not everyone is gong to understand. Shoot i put my keys down, 2 seconds later im like where did i put my keys, my awesome roommate last semester, God bless her, was so wonderful with me. I lose everything, and Im late to a lot of my classes. I forget things with in seconds. Try not to focus on what you cant do, instead the postive.....te negatives arent going to help you only bring you down. Also have u tryed to talk to your school counselor?! Are you getting accomidations for your add?
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"Without a struggle, there can by no progres."- Fredick Douglas

 
Old 04-07-2004, 02:32 AM   #6
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fuzzybaffy HB User
Re: Insensitive

Hi Aleve, I can understand the sort of problems you are going through. There are several things to consider and things to do.

As others have mentioned, the person may just be joking around when in fact you may not take it as such because of your ADHD. Before I started taking medication, people had an extremely difficult time joking around with me. I just took things way too seriously. What would happen is someone would try to attempt to make a joke with me, but seeing as how I wouldn't respond to it right away, he/she couldn't follow through with it and it would end up becoming a serious comment.

Now things are better, as I now see that people joke around with OTHER people as well while they joke with me (previously I couldn't notice that before since I was often in my own dreamworld). So what you can do is try to pass it off as a joke.

BUT, the person you mentioned may in fact have hurtful intentions while "joking" about your ADD symptoms. So you can try to have a private talk with her, and let her know that you don't appreciate such comments. If the comments continue then I think you should no longer be her friend. I hate to put it so bluntly, but if a person isn't willing to truly try to understand your difficulties then that person isn't worth having as a friend.

Also, I think the best way to not have people keep mentioning your ADHD is to not mention ADHD yourself. Whenever you stumble on a problem that is caused by an ADHD symptom, just pass it off as a mistake. Instead of "yea, because of my stupid ADHD I forgot my keys!" you can instead say "damnit I forgoet my keys!" I understand that you may want to let people know WHY you lost your keys, but the effort and trouble that arises from mentioning ADHD is not worth it.

You should only mention ADHD when you make a BIG mistake or when you enter a new job or something. That's when you have a serious talk with your boss or whoever and let them know what the consequences may be of having ADHD while you're working.

I hope that helps, and good luck!

 
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