Im 16 and i have reason to believe that i have adhd. I have tried to tell my mom that i think i have adhd before, but she didnt believe me. My dad was diagnosed with it about 5 years ago and he and i, along with a few other family members(excluding my mom, of course) believe that i have it. I have done research on adhd in teenage girls, looked at the symptoms, watched the way i act and how i do things, and honestly believe that the best thing for me is to go see someone about being dianosed and treated for this. I cant have my dad take me unless my mom says that he can, since she is my legal gaurdian, and she will never agree to that. I've been meaning to talk to her about it for about a month now and i jsut dont know how to bring up the subject, for fear that she will get mad at me or just not listen to me. I have a website and some material that i've printed out to show her, but i dont know how she will react. Im afraid that if i dont go to the doctor now i never will, or worse, i will be diagnosed at 40 and spend the rest of my life wondering how my life would have been differant if i were treated earlier. I say this because my dad wasnt diagnosed until about 5 years ago and he has said that he has wondered how differant his life would have been if he had gotten treatment when he was my age. PLEASE, HOW DO I TALK TO MY MOM ABOUT THIS?
First of all let me say you seem very mature and intelligent for 16!
Do you and your mother have a good relationship? talk openly? I am a mom and would try to listen if my 16 year old were trying to tell me something, how are you bringing it up wth her?
SOme tips I would give you is maybe when you two are eating together or just having a lil quiet time, not when your on the go.. tell her there is something you really think is important and you want to talk to her about it.
If she does not agree to get you help for this, maybe you can go to your school counselor and have a meeting with your mom.
Maybe your mom just does not want to hear it because she is scared maybe she is not educated on it.
You could also write her a letter if she is not easy to talk to.
Or maybe talk to your father about it.
best of luck to you
Last edited by Swalk; 04-17-2004 at 08:11 PM.
Reason: did not take my message
I've had numerious conversations with my dad about it and he agrees with me. But, my parents are divorced and my mom is my legal gaurdian, thus i have to have her consent to even have my dad take me to get checked out. It just seems like everytime I decide that i want to talk to her, i forget to or just dont because its such a touchy subject for me. I honestly believe that she is in denial and doesnt want to believe that i am so much like my dad.
Have you thought about maybe your dad and urself talking to your mom about it?! The thing I dont understand, you can go to the docs by urself?! When i as sixteen i use to go by myself all the time. May an excuse up....... or just go without her knowing. I know its really hard approaching ur mother about it. The summer before I entered my freshman year in college I had to face the facts and talk to my mom about it. The difference from your sistuation is, my mom know i had ADHD but took me off my meds after one year, and it was my 5th grade year. She always thought that I didnt try hard enough and used it for an excuse...when i never did because it was NEVER brought up in my house hold. When I approached her about going to get checked out and reevealuated she told me no and when i said I would have done better in high school and I know i'll do better she told me that i was just lazy and it was all my fault. It was an extremely tough thing for me to do...and i was really disappointed and felt reject. When I got to school, I talked to the school counselor about it and my adivsor....they both could tell right off the bat that i needed to be on it.....so i took a cowdardly way, i e-mailed my mom. I gave her websites and everthing. So maybe e-mailing her while shes at work might help and explain to her you dont want to feel rejected or ur afraid how she'll react. Also maybe you should included just the fact that you JUST want to get tested, its a true diagnosts, and you'd feel more at ease bout ur life. Tell her after you get tested ya'll can go from there nothing has to be decided about meds right away. Its made a huge life different. And this may sound mean to say but say mom, Please I need to know for my benefit. and if you love me and want the best for me, you'd say ok and trust me on this. Or say mom do you trust me and the decision i make? would you do anything for me to help make my life alittle easier and happier for me? then maybe say I need to know, please trust me, and it doesnt even mean you have to agree with it, but please allow dad to take me. Its not going to hurt you, this can only hurt me in the long run. This is something I feel strongly about and its not away or just an excuse. OI hope this helps and let me know what happens
"Without a struggle, there can by no progres."- Fredick Douglas
My doctors office is wierd where you have to have an adult with you and most of the time they want it to be your parent. Plus, my mom would kill me if she found out if i went to be evaluated on my own. I've talked to my dad and he and i both think its best not for him to talk to my mom about it because then she will feel like he is interfering. I'm gunna try talking to her tonight about it and i feel like this time if she still says no then ill be waiting until the day i turn 18 to go see someone about it, and that's exactly what i dont want to do. Thanks for the advice, i think that im going to use the "if you really love me then..." card tonight if i need to.
let me know how it goes.....i really want to know. Just let her know you understand where she's coming from, but you'd like it if she'd also saw ur side as well. You know what will work best with ur mom, i dont know her so im not sure what to say. What the worse that could happen if u were to get evaluated?!? they said no, then you proved ur mom right, but i got a feeling the docs wont say no. Just let me know how it goes w/talking w/ur mom or if you decided tonight wasnt the right time!
"Without a struggle, there can by no progres."- Fredick Douglas
I havent talked to her yet, but i am trying to get her and me(yes, correct grammar) to go out, just the two of us sometime this week or weekend. I figure it'll be the easiest way and i will actually have to make myself talk to her about it. It's odd, i get really nervous when i want to talk to her about it, and i never feel like that around anyone. Oh well, i gotta talk to her sooner or later so it may as well be sooner.
Yeah we have councilers( i cant spell) at school that we could talk to if we really wanted, key word being could. Mine is this wierd 20-something year old that used to be a cheerleader and he looks like he has no neck. Anyway, i dont want to get them involved in my personal problems and all that, schools have a way of making things worse and blowing them out of proportion.
Ok, ill keep everyone updated on what happpens, but i have to go to bed now. I have to take the math part of George Bush's [darn] "no child left behind act" compensy testing crap. Thanks again for all your help everyone.
Well, my wonderful way of procratinating about things has once again left me being mad at myself. I havent talked to my mom yet and tomarrow i will force myself to(hopefully). Even if i have to write down exactly what i want to say to her i will talk to her about this. Ok, so this is driving me insane because it's sucha big deal to me, yet i cant find a way to get the words out. I'll keep you posted on what goes down this weekend. My procrastinating self now has to go get ready to go help my grandma work at this spring days festival thing. Yeah, i was supposed to be ready to go this moring at 7 and its now almost noon and i still am not there. She's there with the other people and im waiting for my sister to get out of work so we can go up there, but im blaming it on my adhd, not my extreme lazy/forgetfulness. Ok, so its both but i gotta go.
sorry i forgot something... does anyone have any idea about add/adhd and dislexia being dianosed in the same person? I ask because i feel like i may be slightly dislexic but i dont know if its because of the add or not. My dad is adhd and my grandpa(my dad's dad) is LD. I dont know if that increases my risks or not, but if anyone comments that would help, i would greatly appreciate it.
I talked to my mom last night, and lets just say things didnt quite go as planned. She got all mad that i brought the subject up, basically starts yelling at me about it, tells me that i'm yelling at her(when i am calmly speaking), and then, and i quote, says, "what, do you want to be on narcotics?"
I think you can determine from that that it didnt go so well, but there is still hope. She told me that she would talk to the psychologist at her work (even though that doesnt make sense to me considering she works at a nursing home...) and see what she says. I have no idea what that means, but my guess is "i dont want to talk about this so im going to say something to end the conversation," even though the conversation didnt end. She also aske me if i wanted her to make me an appointment with Joe(this shrink that my mom knows and that my sisters, mom, and i had to all go see together after my parents split. I of course told her no, since that guy is crazy and my dad told me to first go to the regular doctor and they will send me wherever i need to go.
I talked to my dad and he said that he was willing to take me to the doctor and stuff. I told my mom that and it seemed to do a little bit of good but i dont know how much. I think she just got home from work so im gunna go see what the psych told her and then end up crying because my mom doesnt understand why i feel so strongly about this. She keeps thinking that my dad is putting these thoughts into my head, like he's the freaking devil or something, when i'm the one that brings them up to him.
I did a little research on the way that a separation agreement is made, and technically, my dad can take me to the doctor for things like this without my mom saying that it's ok... even though i know he wont do that. I'm about to pull the "if you really love me then..." card, so ill give you all another update as soon at there is one!
Im really sorry that it didnt go so well. Talk to your dad about taking you, I know you said he wouldnt, but if you and ur dad were to get you tested and You did have ADD/ADHD then u can show ur mom. Explain to your mom also that being diagnosted isnt all about meds......CBT therapy works great...but also long with meds. Being Diangosted can also help you when it comes to school (of course!).....your school can help you accomidate to how u learn best and makes life 10 times easier! I hope it all goes well!
"Without a struggle, there can by no progres."- Fredick Douglas
Goodness Im sorry the talk did not go so well, its very hard for people that do not have some type of issue to understand, alot of people just assume someone is nuts but there are so many of us with these types of problems, i think she is in denial and is scared to deal with it, some people that dont understand just dont want to deal with it.
But you should not have to suffer, have your dad take you, or talk to a school counselor, there is no reason for you to suffer and go untreated. I hope your mom comes around and see's that your trying to get help from her
I have succeeded in my initial endevors!!! My mom said that she will let my dad take me to go get checked out, but there are terms of course. She want to talk to him about what the doctor suggests and all that before they decide how to treat me, or whatever. Personally im just excited that she finally said yes. This is almost something i have been thinking about for almost 3 years.
Well, my dad and i were talking during an intermission last night while we were at this concert and i found out that he is somewhat dislexic too. He told me that his medication(straterra) doenst help it and he just deals with it. So i quess i have a greater chance of being dislexic too, which is just dandy(sarcasim)!
My dad has an appointment with his psychologist next thursday to talk about his meds and stuff so he said he was going to talk to him/her about where i should go to first and what he/she suggests. My mom was quick to tell me that she wanted to know what was suggested. At least someday it, hopefully, wont take me 2 hours to do a worksheet that should take 20 minutes(tops!) to complete.
Ok, my procrastinating self has homework to finish and i have stuff to do. My birhtday is saturday and im having a party and stuff on friday and my dad and i are going up to my dream school(also the home of my favorite basketball team EVER) to go shopping for some birthday stuff. Who knows, maybe i might even run into my 2 favorite players.
I'll keep you posted on how things progress. Thanks everyone for all your help!