Originally Posted by blueirisheyzs
I am afraid they will tell me he DOESN'T HAVE ADD and then I know that I have no control whatsoever over his school work and he will fail. Then you get the advice from well meaning friends that he's capable and I'm just not tough enough on him...
Well, I think it's certainly possible that he has ADD and it's worth an evaluation. Technically, to be diagnosed as ADD, the symptoms must have been present since before age 7. However, it's not unusual for kids (especially the really bright ones) to be able to compensate for it until Junior High, High School, or even College.
I also think that you should ask for a "thorough" evaluation and not limit it to ADD because sometimes other things (like depression or anxiety) can mimic the symptoms of ADD.
Oh, those well-meaning friends! How many hearts have they wounded? I seriously doubt that your parenting is the issue here. Something is going on and the sooner you get an evaluation, the sooner you can help your son. In the meantime, I'd try the opposite approach - I'd try to relinquish as much control over schoolwork as possible; I think, at that age, the more you try to control, the more they resist.
Good luck with the evaluation: You're on the right track!