All I can say is that I know what you are going through. My daughter has experienced much the same at one point or another in her life. She is 16 now, we just went through the stubborn" I don't wanna take my pills" phase of Adderall, which came to a screeching hault recently with the drivers test.
I have pondered this many a-time, cried about it and have been rather sad about all of it as well through the years. Afterall, this is my daughter, how do I teach my child responsibility, independence and self preservation? How do I go about teaching her that some meds work and some don't and all the Pediatrician and I can do is try one, see how it goes and make decisions based on all that.
IT "AINT EASY" being the mom of an ADD or ADHD child. Couple that with a divorce of the parents of this child where the dad and the new stepmom do not think she has ADD regardless of test results and Dr. diagnosis so she learned through the years that when at "dad's house" she doesn't have to take her meds.
A lot of dynamics are happening.
SO far she has learned:
1) that she does not have to follow Dr. orders if she doesn't want to.
2) that she sometimes does ok on tests without the Adderall.
3) a different way to think and process while when not on meds vs. when on meds.
4) she might have done better on the test she failed if she would have taken her meds, but she didn't want to. She can still get a "C" if she can get some better grades.
Then there are the other issues when not on meds:
1) she can depend on others to remind her
2) "I will get to it later" even when 4 days pass by and the task is still not completed.
3) "Stop reminding me" behavior.....*she grows weary of being reminded, I grow weary of reminding her....but she doesn't want to take the meds, so I help her out by reminding her, but she gets angry when I remind her...a viscious circle.*
There is so much more depending on the developmental stage and so many other factors that I just truly believe in my heart, it is better to medicate. That is my view and mine only and I do not want to step on toes by stating this, it has just been the life I have had to live with my daughter under her circumstances. IT just works better ( in my opinion) for her to use a med to help her focus. At some point in her life she must learn how and gain as much indepence and autonomy as possible so she is ready for the "real world" of jobs interviews, job performance, college, problem solving, making sound judgements, driving, ect.
Since her thinking processes are different when not medicated, the reasonable decision is to medicate. And yeah, that causes a host of problems as well for many including my daughter. Lack of ability to sleep, the grumpies at times and a whole host of many other things as well. But remember, my goal here is to have her learn independence and autonomy, to be able to think rationally and responsibly on her own. To live a full and valued life.
When she cooks at home without her meds, she always forgets to turn off the stove, no matter how many times I call, no matter how many times I remind her, no matter how many notes I leave for her and no matter how many tiems I remind while standing right there next to her. This is potentially dangerous to her and to the entire family, not to mention to our home. When she is on medication, I remind her and leave a note,,, sometimes, and the stove is turned off. That is my experience. She will use this later in life when she is on her own.
I don't know if this helps or even if anybody can understand it
(including myself!) it took me forever to figure it out myself and the only thing I have always been certain of and always will be certain about is that she will someday have to do all this on her own, so how do I teach her to remember? TO focus? TO stop and think? If the medicaiton gives me an edge on helping her then I will make sure she takes her meds.
Anyway, yeah stimulants sometimes effect her personality, and sometimes her hormones do the personality thing all on their own. I miss my happy energetic daughter too with all smiles and giggles, and there are days that this part of her pops out, and there are days when that part of her doesn't. It hurts very much at times when you are the mom of the ADD?ADHD child. I just give it my all, my 100% and know that I am doing MY best whether it is good or bad, the decisions I make with her and for her are always in her best interest.