I don't even know how to begin, but for the past 5 months I have been working at a bank's process center. The first task was very easy for me. That it allowed me to relax and listen to music. Now last week, I was given a new task dealing with checks from another bank. It was horrendous, I was totally a wreck and embarassed. My coworker trained me how to do the task, it was difficult to grasp it. She kept explaining over and over, and my brain just couldn't grasp the ideal what I was suppose to do. When I finally did something, it came out to be a big mistake, not just once, but a several times. The supervisor stated loudly to me in front of the coworkers, that the other bank was waiting for their fax, and they called the bosses upstairs to let them know, and I felt ahsamed because I felt all my coworkers were looking at me and saying "wow she is dumb" and I could hear " o o ". Well I was so embarassed. I even took notes during training, off and on, because I am not a good note taker either, but I had to keep looking at them over and over because after reading it, I would forget. I also felt bad because they were faulting my coworker for not watching out for me making sure I get it right. I apolgize to my coworker telling her I do not want for her to get into trouble because of me. She told me it was ok, the supervisor emailed to her and also sent 3 emails to her big bosses upstairs.
I feel I cannot do anything right in life. I feel every job I have I make mistakes, eventhough I try. Yet, the strange thing is that when I deal in a creative aspect, I can remember every detail. I am somewhat slow in Math, and cannot not figure what the heck I'm doing in a bank, but I got it through a temp agency, and I needed the money. Now, I have been given an oppourtunity to enter a business with a partner and I feel good about that. For one, I could never follow someone rules, especially a corporate rules, and they are strict. I need to be free, my spirit yearns to be free from being locked up in a cubicle all day, being free from criticism if I made a mistake, and doing different task instead of a routine task like I have now. I don't know what kind of job is good for me. I don't like to be pressure because it hinders alot of my concentration.
Now I'm in my second week doing this and again another mistake, I forgot to insert a copy for the other bank. If this continues, I may have to leave. Yesterday, I became a perm employee of the bank after working 5 months as a temp. Also what made me notice more beside being forgetful is that I bumped into 2 of my coworkers at a store (seperately) and when they called out my name, I did not recognize them. So I am beginning to wonder if I do have ADD, and I'm afraid to tell my doctor. I need this job to pay off bills, but I can't handle it. Some say to hang on for a while, and see, since I have only begin to be trained. Yes this task is very easy, but I keep forgetting how to do it. I have been thinking maybe start my own business, but in what I haven't decided. Any Suggestions ?
Check out some different online ADD "tests" and see if those click with you. If you think you may be ADD, then 1) find out which general/family practice doctors in your area are covered by your health insurance and then 2) call each of those offices and ask if each doctor has any experience with ADHD patients. Find one that does, make an appointment w/ him or her and see if the doc thinks you need referred to a psychiatrist who can specialize a bit more w/ an ADD diagnosis. The family practice doc might give you a "trial" prescription to an ADD medication. Before going to the doc that first time, print out a few different ADD "tests/checklists" from the web and highlight or score yourself and take that with you. I'm married, so I had my wife also score me and I took that sheet to the doc w/ me as well. So, you may want to have one or two people who are close to you do the same.
As far as work goes, an awareness of your ADD will help you learn ways to better monitor/modify yourself in a work setting and may even help you figure out some settings you might be best to avoid if possible. Read, read, read, and then read some more about ADD...
Hi Angel. Boy do I know your story. I have had more jobs than I can count. Some of the jobs were so incredibly basic and easy, others were a little harder. I take notes when learning new jobs. The only ones that I felt good about and was better at were the ones that allowed me to work more on my own and offered me the ability to be creative and manage my own time. Not many jobs out there like that. Needless to say that I lost a lot of jobs too for the same reasons. Couldn't remember stuff. Couldn't do the job correctly and kept making mistakes no matter how hard I tried. As a matter of fact, the harder I try, the worse my mistakes get. And yes, I too, can't seem to remember the names of people I work with, people I deal with on at least a weekly basis. It's really embarrassing. I can never remember the name of my daughter's girl scout leader.
I've been reading alot of ADD books lately, and they all have one message in common: "You can't do it alone." Even with medication, there are some very basic, very necessary life-skills that somehow passed us by that you can't learn by just popping a pill. Meds are (in most cases) necessary in order to focus enough to actually USE these new skills, and more importantly interact socially (like remembering names!) A therapist who specializes in adult ADD can teach you the skills you need on the job and at home (piles of unpaid bills? neverending laundry? where are the *&#@ car keys again?) All these books have also mentioned something about getting a "coach" who contacts you over the phone or email several times a week to reinforce the techniques and make sure you're staying on track.
Another thing about being diagnosed by a doctor, is that it gives you some LEGAL rights in the workplace. By law, your employer has to give you accomodations if you ask for them...such as wearing headphones or using a "white noise" device to block out distracting noises. Or even getting you're own office with a DOOR.
It doesn't sound like you're in the best job for your personality type right now. A therapist can also help you discover the STRENGTHS AND BENFITS of having ADD (yes, there are strengths as well as weaknesses!) and find out a better career for YOU. One book said a woman with ADD was going crazy in her bookkeeping career even though she excelled in math and she was good at it. When she shifted into sales of bookkeeping services, she thrived, and was actually happy and fullfilled. There are just certain jobs that people with ADD should avoid because they create situations that badly and repeatedly stress your attention span.
Take the first steps. Get dianosed. Read a book (or book-on-tape) on ADD. Talk to an ADD counselor. When you get back some control in your life, you will feel so much better.
Boy, do I ever know where you're coming from! My life has been a mess! It sounds like we're a lot alike. I always have to take notes when starting a new job and read over and over them until it finally sinks into my head. I also can't have someone there talking at me when I'm trying to concentrate because I can't think what I'm doing and then really make mistakes. I've made lots of mistakes at every job I've ever had. I'm not one for details, I know that. The last job I had I got through a temp agency (it was in a children & youth services office) and was only supposed to last for a week or two until they found somebody permanent. At least that kept me going (knowing that I wouldn't be there real long), that and seeing my doctor, psychologist, and chiropractor. The job involved handling three phone lines, typing, filing, making copies, transferring calls to caseworkers, etc. I found out I can't stand a job answering phones! I simply can't be interrupted all the time to answer phones; I lose track of what I'm doing and get all frustrated, upset, flustered, you name it! The director is a procrastinator and till a new worker was actually hired, it wasn't until 2-1/2 months after I started! As one week lead to another, I would get more upset because I was starting to get the idea that I'd be stuck there. I dreaded going to work every day. I'd always have headaches and backaches and my nerves were so bad. My psychologist (she diagnosed the ADD several years ago) and my doctor (who also knows I have ADD) both said that I should get out of that job as soon as possible and both even offered to write letters saying that it was imperative that I quit, but I refused, thinking that I'd just keep hanging in there. I hated being there but didn't know how the temp agency would look at that if I'd quit, as I was expected to complete my assignment. I was there way longer than I was told I'd be there, but still, the director hadn't found someone permanent, so technically my assignment wasn't up until then. I really liked the people in the office, but those darn phones...ugh! No way could I do that on a permanent basis!
I always had trouble dealing with every job I've ever had and suppose I will keep moving from job to job the rest of my life the way it looks. I've been at home more than working because of my inability to deal with the stress of working. As a result, we've gotten into much credit card debt, which just adds to my misery. I have no idea what to do with the rest of my life at all. It sounds like you can at least have a shot at opening a business with someone, and I think you should go for it. I would definintely recommend quitting your present job as soon as you can do that. It just doesn't sound like the type of job for you. I really sympathize with you...I have a big idea of what you're going through dealing with things at work; it's very stressing! I can't stand pressure either...it makes my brain shut down. Sometimes I get so upset when I'm trying to concentrate and get my focus back that I literally can't see what's right in front of my eyes when I'm trying to read something. When people at work talk to me trying to teach me things, it's like someone pushes a mute button and I only hear parts of what they tell me. Lots of times I've had people train me and I think to myself, "Oh, I can remember that." Well, guess what, by the next day, it all went out of my head!
I would complain to various people about my problems dealing with things on a job and they'd also say to me to hang in there, that it would get better. Well, it didn't, and I should have just left shortly after starting but didn't. I'm always afraid of what people will think of me, that I can't stick it out, that I give up too easily, but yet it just gets to me so much! I've never stayed on any job longer than 1-1/2 years, and even that was pushing it. I'm starting to get the idea that I will die, still not ever having found a job that I was happy with and still in lots of debt. It's very depressing! I do recommend that you quit your job, seriously. I think my doctor and psychologist would probably tell you the same thing, it's not the type of job for an ADD person. You do sound like you have ADD and I think the same as what's already been suggested to you about seeing someone for a diagnosis. Give meds a try too. I've read that they help 80% of people with ADD. They just didn't work in my case though, but 80% is pretty good odds, so I'd suggest you give those a shot. Good luck to you. Sorry I don't know what business you should start. I'm still trying to figure that out for myself and haven't come up with anything.
Before you give up the job..unless you already have...you should talk to you Human Resources Department about your disability. I'm not completely clear on it as it relates to the federal governance, but I belive they must make resonable accomadations-UPON NOTIFICATION FROM U!
If you like the people, perhaps you could do a different job jor skill the company has a need for. The biggest help I ever had was frm a 16 year-old summer intern that made 100 of copies for me and shreadded out of date files from back in the 80s. She was also such a ray of sunshine that she was a benifit to the company morale and would off to help anyone needing quick odds and ends.
An end note...I don't care what kind of mistakes or misteps a new employee has; my company would never criticize or show disapointment. A good manager, staff, and company would help that person improve. I am 100% sure those people have made hundreds of errors themselves!
Good luck. You sound like a good person. YOu deserve to have a smile on your face everyday.
Angel Pie...your story is so similar to mine and obviously, so many others. It's hell. Frankly, the workplace is hard enough to deal with, let alone, with ADD. As others have advised, get tested by the appropriate doctor and get the proper medication/treatment. It will make a huge difference, trust me!
You are not dumb. Yes, we ADD'ers often "feel" that way, but on the contrary, we are usually highly intelligent.
Now, will the meds "fix" everything, (i.e., circumstances, rude people)? No. But it will help you think properly so therefore, you can make the proper choices for YOU, which will alleviate 98% of the frustration and anguish you are dealing with.
I would also recommend telling your supervisor. ADD is a medical disability which is recognized by the American Disabilities Act. Any employer with half a brain knows they don't have a leg to stand on if they give you a hard time about it. For 4 years after my diagnosis, I didn't tell any employer. I worked contract so I didn't see it as necessary. No job assignment lasted long enough nor was stressful enough to create a "bad environment" for me. However, I took a permanent job almost a year ago and judging by the job description that was given to me in the interview, I felt it was the right fit for me with the ADD. About a month into the job, my employer gets the bright idea that he's going to shove more and more pressure and work at me so I had a sit-down with him and informed him of my ADD. I said "I took this job based on the job description and now, the description has suddenly changed. This affects my Attention Deficit Disorder, which, by the way, I've been treating under a doctor's care for 4 years." He stepped up to the plate and was very understanding and supportive. He knew as my employer, since I advised him of my ADD, that he was responsible for honoring that.
Good luck to you. Let us all know when you see the doctor.
Wow, I can't believe what I am reading. It sounds like me and I never thought that I might have ADD.
I had an experience working at a bank doing data entry. I did fine at first but when they switched be to something slightly different it messed me up. I was so embarrased because I didn't know if I was doing it correctly and I asked my supervisor days later about it ...then I was let go the next day just for asking a question? I was a temp also.
I have to take notes also and I am not a good note taker. I always thought that I was more visual a person when it comes to learning. When I have to hear somebody give me instructions it kind of goes in one ear out the other...or I just don't quite understand what they are talking about?
And just lately my husband would tell me things and I would turn around later and ask him a question about the very thing he told me about and I would deny to him that he even told me. Oh well............
First I wish to thank everyone who responsed. Wow, don't even know where to begin, lol.
Well, I am still working at the bank, just simply scanning and cropping (cleaning any markings that don't belong to the signature). They never gave me another task, yet. I have notice something a few of you have stated, that when someone explains as they are training you, it goes in from 1 ear & out the other. I have notice, if someone allows me to perform the job as they explain it, I get it, but if they just talk and do the task as they show, I can't not grasp it. Like for example, that task I messed up, my instructor was telling me how to do as she was doing the actual task and I was trying to do my best to write down notes. Yet, about 3 weeks I was shown how to print envelopes in their machine, and I immediately grasped it, because I sat down in front of the computer and did it as they were instructing me what to press and what information to enter. So it comes right down, I am visual and can only learn by visually and performing the task at the same time.
It is amazing how much we have in common, I too worked in the Children Services Department for the county as a temp, now a bank.
Well now I'm a permanent employee of the bank processing center, however now I feel desperate to get out. The reason I am putting up because I will be getting my insurance card this January and there is where I will get my opportunity to see a doctor to diagnos my problem. I did tell my doctor about what happen at work and how I didn't recognize my coworkers, she wants to refer me to a Neurologist but I held back on that for not having any insurance, but pretty soon I will. I want to use my insurance and get everything out of the way before they fire me.
I suspect I will be fired but it is not for the ADD but because of my.... BRA, lol. Yes you read it as you see it. I was warned to do something or else I would be fired, not in exact terms, but gave the suggestion with her hands I'll be going bye bye. You see I suffer from Spasms in mid section that is felt from the navel to the middle part of my chest. When I do wear a bra, I feel it very uncomfortable and tightness while having these spasms which makes me feel so constricted to breath when I have these spasms, so on occasion I don't wear one even to work. However, I am always discreet, I wear colors that are dark that can't be seen through or thicker shirts. Well I notice, my supervisor and maybe a few coworkers patting me on the back on occasion to thank me or something. I had a funny feeling why they would pat me on the back often, so I figure they would realize I'm not wearing one. Well last Friday my supervisor called me and had a little chat and asked me about it. I explain I suffer from very advance GERD where I have violent spasms and not all the time, but if I feel very uneasy and queasy and feel a spasm coming on, I don't wear one. Well she told me either get a note from doctor or else with her hand gave a wave, of bye bye.
My thought ok BYE BYE, lol. I can understand why the bank wants its employees to dress, but I have seen other women with low curve cut that their cleavage is showing alot, lol.
I hate working under other people restrictive rules, especially corporate rules. They make a big fuss over a 1 minute late tardiness, sheesh. I have to do something, with my life to get out of this rat race. I swear when I have my business, I will make sure my business is ADD friendly.
Comeon - we sure do sound alike as if we are twins, lol. I too worked for children & youth services for the county. I agree Comeon, I do need to leave, but just not now. I want to squeeze as much income I can get out, but once they want to teach me a new task, I will have to quit. You see it is MANDATORY that everyone be crossed trained, and that includes me. I know I can't handle those tasks, like fraud, and verifications, and calling up branches. Now they have me try to answer phones, but I have playing games, just coughing and hearing music pretending I don't hear it. They want me to ask why they call, and some of the question I have to ask I have no clue what they mean....like is this a pay or return. No one ever explain it to me. I know what the word means, but in banking terms I don't know. So I know this job is not for me.
PigPen - Thank you so much. I wish employers are not like. I hate it when she raises her voice when one makes mistakes. Also, what hurt me was when recently my supervisor and one of the main bosses from upstairs came down to speak to her. They stood near my cubicle, and they were discussing my coworker and her work. Well, my coworker who was behind also became perm along with me after both being temps. When the boss asked the sup about her, my supervisor said in a loud tone "Yes she is the smart one". I felt so bad and hurt, as if saying I am the dumb and she is not because she grasped it and I didn't. You see in the process center I am in, they do not allow you to choose they chose it for you. Also all the jobs there are more advance than I can handle then what I have now. I know I won't be handle it. I couldn't grasp a simple task like checking to determine what checks were missing and faxing back. How am I gonna deal with other tasks that are more advance?
Well thanks everyone for your response. Don't know what will happen, but Monday I am not eager going to work next Monday, but I have to. I do keep my responsibilities even if I don't want to - BYE.
I don't even know you and my heart is breaking. Ya know, I'm not smart. My husband is the one with ADD and he's a major brain. Yeah, he leaves the water running and leaves his fly down ever 3 trips to the bathroom, but he's got a huge IQ. More importantly, he is the best, most loving father I have ever laid eyes on.
Obviously that AH who made the coment about your intelligence is a huge loser, not to mention a person that needs to ridicule everyone just to make himself feel more important. Come on! He hasn't even has manager 101. Pathetic slob. hey, if he's so smart...how come he's not rich!!! Why isn't he the President, or the CEO??? Loser.
DO YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB?
If a doctor has said you have ADD, you are in a protected class. You deserve to be placed in a job that you can preform without hardship. This is not legal advise. It's a fact. For example....at a former job, we took a parttime employee with ADD and had her do all of our "seasonal" duties. She decorated the lunchroom, did menus, worte the x-mas cards. She did what she was good at. WE worked with her Dr. and found something the would benefit both her and the company. However, the company may say they have no work for you, but that would be a tough one.
I suggest writing down everything that happens to you while employeed there. You deserve so much better. Doesn't help fill the checking acct, but God has a way of keeping tabs. You have a heart, and that means you are 1 step above those idiots you work with.
I would also tell your Dr about the addtional stress your employer has put on you. If it is THEM that make you not able to work, you may not be able to actualy function and may have to look into workers compensation.
Sounds like a bad place to expend your energy, self. What do you like to do?
I'm very close to losing my job right now, but I just started taking Strattera, and when I told my boss that I am taking some medication to help with my ADD behavior, and actually cried in front of her, she became more friendly than at any time in the last 3 years. Will her mood last, though? I doubt it. The irony is that I do an excellent job as a Reference Librarian. I easily mentally run through all the possible resources to find the information needed by the patron. They are mostly college students, who need a patient, tolerant, caring adult to come along side and gently give a little direction, then let them go on their own. Perhaps because I have always felt like an outsider, I easily tune in to those whose first language may be different, or who have a disability. They all generally adore me, sending me thank you emails, even asking if they can bring me an apple a day! Sometimes they want me to know they got an A on the paper for which I helped them research. It was the same in my last job as a high school librarian. But the Administrators there and my current supervisor and library director do not appreciate me. I've been told that I show "unprofessional judgement," which is really just creative (and effective) problem solving. I think my ADD personality drives them nuts, so they try to find things to complain about. Yes, I may take a little too much time on some of my assigned projects. But ultimately I do get it done by the deadline, even if I have to work later, or at home.
I am a single mother with my 2nd daughter in college and my youngest in high school, and I am so desperately afraid my contract is not going to be renewed for another year this May. My boss has been documenting my alleged behavior each year, and now she had me meet with the director and wrote up a letter of vague issues.
We have no HR dept. here, except one person whose main job is to do payroll, insurance, and process new and leaving employees. There is a person assigned each year to hear claims of discrimination, but I'm pretty sure it's tied to just race and gender issues.
I keep reading posts about laws to protect me, but I seriously doubt they would be of any use at this private institution.
Wow, I feel so sad that after so many years of going through the same exact feelings of most of you, alone, that now I realize I am not alone! I sure wish that this website was up when I first began working some 17+ years ago! I used to try my hardest at each job and they'd all end with: "Well, you are such a nice person, but I'm afraid that this just isn't going to work out!" It got to the point that filling out applications where so overwhelming because I'd forget how long and which job was first. Then I'd just end up listing them by the Job agency's! There would be soo many problems...of course I was always running late, or barely getting there in the nick of time! Then I'd take forever to get going, distracted by everything (I'd actually think I must have supersonic ears or something!), followed by feeling like a caged lion!! I was totally clueless of my predicament...I always felt hopeless and wondered why I couldn't hold down a job like everyone else!!
My DH finally gave up on relying on me to work even though we desperately need the income. The only things I am good at are more in the creative side but since I haven't actually worked in the art field but more in the office/clerical field, well when I go to a temp agency guess where they place me! Recently, I did get to accomplish one thing in my life...and that was to self publish a children's story that I wrote and illustrated myself but unfortunately, as excited as I was about it...I soon became sad as I started to realize that my ADHD symptoms would and could definately interfere with the success of this cute and whimsical story. Lately, that has made me freeze on pursuing the promotional part of this! I sure hope that I can break out of that mind set soon. I do feel though, that I have hope now that I've found this special place to speak with others who at least understand what I'm coping with. Thanks for hearing me out here...
"Just Bloom!" ~ Gina Arzaga To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Wow. I have to say it too. You could be me. I became a librarian after my divorce because I couldn't support my children with freelance art.
Thinking of some words of encouragement, "Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, mind and strength."