Routines/discipline & ADD - ADD / ADHD Message Board

weez · 10-13-2004, 07:28 AM

I've recently come to the conclusion that my 10 yo ADD son is very dependant on me for WAY too many things getting done. Basically unless I'm there to "motivate" him he doesn't get much accomplished - getting dressed, cleaning his room, doing his homework, doing his chores - I'm always there "don't forget...." "if you want to......then you must ........" and so forth. I have two kids with ADD/ADHD and I feel DRAINED. I'm not sure if he needs to change meds - he's on Stattera (we tried the stimulants and he develped tics and moody behavior from them). It's taking him 2 hours to do 30 minutes of homework! My 6yo ADHD son is more on top of things than him.

Is this typical for an ADD child? Are there any good books that help with this sort of stuff? - I think I might need a more formal routine/system in place for him that my non-ADD 11 yo daughter. This just occured to me recently I have been doing this for so long it's become second nature to me, and it's a habit that I want to stop.

Weez

index.html · 10-13-2004, 08:30 AM

Oh boy, can I relate to this! My 14yo severely ADHD son is the same way despite alot of structure and routines. In Junior High, he became self-conscious enough about his appearance to take over the bathing and getting ready in the morning routines. As far as the rest of it, though, if I want anything to get done, it takes *multiple* reminders. I'll be reading the other responses with interest...

sawbuck44 · 10-13-2004, 08:45 AM

My son is 12 and I am going to the doctor today to start him on meds. I’m thinking Adderall. Was that the med that your son developed tics with and you say that now on Strattera he has none? My son has been on Ritalin and Dexedrine over 6 years ago and did develop slight tics. I thought maybe Adderall would not do this to him.

I have had to be ‘behind’ my son in all the things you mention and more! My older son (15) says ‘don’t do that for him, he’s being lazy!” Sometimes it is being lazy, but other times, it is being unable to connect. I used to tell him to do things till I was blue in the face. Then I learned to be right there overseeing most things or not allowing him to move onto an activity that he wanted to do until his room was clean.

If my son did his homework by himself it would take him as long as it takes your son. I oversee him, guiding him along especially if he has to do web stuff. He’s likely to go to a fun site ‘just to check something real quick’ before he gets to the homework.

I saw a Dr. Phil show yesterday that talked about a family where the parents constantly told their children to clean their rooms and it never got done. The mother admitted that every 3 months she would ‘help’ them clean although it wouldn’t last. Dr. Phil basically told her to give consequences and carry them out. Apparantly she didn’t follow through and let it slide. I know that doesn’t even work with an ADD child. I do have his book Family First which I am half done with that gives you suggestions on these issues.

I have tried many behaviorial modifications with my son. One of the more effective is reward, not punishment, for doing what he has been asked. I have gotten through six years without meds using this and patience, LOTS of patience. Now we are at a point as a family and my son where we are suffering. His grades are starting to slip. He was always an A and B student, but now is getting B's and C's. My husband does not have as much patience with him as I do and that is where that conflict stems from. I need to go this route to see if we can be better for it. If I don’t, I’ll always regret not at least trying.

So, in answer to your question, it is typical for an ADD child. I would suggest the book above and strict routine and reduction of as much clutter in his room as possible. My son does better in an environment that is orderly and roomy.

Oh, I tend to write books as a response - LOL!

weez · 10-13-2004, 09:06 AM

Thanks so much for both your responses - I see that I'm not alone.

We've tried a few different routines for him and they never "clicked' in the sense that they never became second nature to him -perhaps I need to havea better reward system? I guess what I need to figure out is - is he not getting anything accomplished because he is actually distracted when he is supposed to be doing something or is the just working slowly and not clear on what he is supposed to be doing? Perhaps that needs to be the first step. Frankly I think it's a distraction and forgetting what he is supposed to be doing issue primarily and anything school-wise that requires writing can sometimes take him a while. At school he is doing well - he gets all A,s and usually a B in lang arts - I think it's because of the type of structure he has at school that he does better there - good grief, do I have to set up our home life like school?! Because he does well at school I've been reluctant to change his meds hoping that we can work out these home problems with routines and perhaps a different type of discipline system.

When he was first diagnosed at age 7 we tried him on Concerta, Ritalin LA, Adderall and regular Ritalin. He was fine for the first 6 months or so then he started to have strong tics and OCD behavior. I think he's a bit prone to tics even without meds - I've noticed that he goes through phases of throat clearing but docs don't think it's bad enough to warrant any type of additional diagnosis - actually the ADHD doc says that mild tics often go hand-in-hand with the disorder. Anyhow these meds greatly increased the tics to the point where he looked like there was something wrong with him. Once we switched to Strattera he went back to his usual self in terms of tics (once in a while a short period of mild things like throat clearning, but we are probably the only ones that notice).

My son is also obsessed with TV and as soon as I turn my back he turns it on and then everything he needs to do is a lost cause. Even with fairly tough punishment he is drawn to that darned TV. We are thinking of disconnecting the cable during he week and only allowing it on weekends.

Sorry I'm writing a book!

keke1971 · 10-13-2004, 01:00 PM

I find myself repeating alot of things and it takes him awhile to connect to what I am saying sometimes but it is not as bad as it use to be we are still working on alot of things even for me. I lose my patience sometimes but I am learning to work with him more.