I need some help/advice.. - ADD / ADHD Message Board

xlayvandriax · 11-02-2004, 05:45 AM

Well my brother has been diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, and disgraphic, he also has speech problems among other things. He's getting ready to be 13 and even though he's always been a bit abusive towards me and my mother his violence is excalating. He says he hates my mom and he's threatened to kill me (more than once) whenever we try to wake him up for school. He's a hassle to wake up for school and my mom can't seem to get him to listen to her. He has no regards for rules (his bed times 9, and no matter how many times my dad tells him to go to bed it doesn't work.) I've been trying to tell my mom from the beginning that she should discipline him more because she'll let him get away with anything (she's got fibermyalgia and she used to sleep alot and I was stuck watching him). And now that I'm 18 she forbids me to touch him (my fathers in the military, used to be gone for a long time i was the one who would normally discipline him when mom wasn't up). And now he's like telling her that if my mom touches him that he'll call social services and blah and that he hates this family. He's been doing this for years but it's getting worse and my parent's aren't really doing anything about it. They'll try and wake him up but when he wont they'll stop fighting with him and he'll stay home. I feel like its my fault because I used to stay home all the time because I was sick. But I would always wake up and get mom and my brother up so that he could go to school, when I wasn't sick. Most of the time when I stayed home he stayed home because I couldn't get up. I just recently started college and I'm living at home. Hearing them fight in the morning is horrible. Mom bangs on the walls and he screams. He isn't at grade level and his in 6th grade and his teacher just congratulated him like 3 weeks ago for going through his first week of school (and he's been in school since August 16th!). It's getting out of hand, if anyone could possibly offer any advice/ways to get him to listen, it'd be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

layvandria

feelbad · 11-02-2004, 05:54 AM

Has he ever had an in depth mental health eval done on him?this sounds more like some sort of a bi polar disorder or something more along those lines.Marcia

xlayvandriax · 11-02-2004, 07:20 AM

yeah he has, once I think. He used to be on ritalin, and other drugs but my mom took him off them because they weren't doing any good. And he had a therapist but she told my mom that my mom was doing everything that she could do and that she didn't need to see him anymore because he was improving. This was maybe 3 years ago, and at the time he was in the Boy's and Girl's club, which helped some because he wasn't at home and he was with kids his own age but after a year of that he stopped going. And now he started taking karate and is trying to hit me and stuff. It could very well be that he has bi-polar, it runs in my family and me and my mom both have the characteristic mood disorder of it. I'm abit afraid for them when i go off to finish up school. >.<

index.html · 11-02-2004, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xlayvandriax

. I feel like its my fault because I used to stay home all the time because I was sick.

First and foremost, sweetie, NONE of this is YOUR fault!!! I am totally blown away at how much responsibility for your brother you've had at such a young age. What a great person you are that you care so much and have done so much for your Mom and brother.

What I think is *desperately* needed here is some family counseling for your parents and your brother. Your parents need help with their parenting skills. Your brother needs help with anger management. And you, dear child, need to be released from so much responsibility.

My opinion is this: try to get them to go for counseling again. He may have been improving 3 years ago but that was then and this is now. Once you *try* that, whether or not you are successful, I hereby grant you permission to go to college and live your own life WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY!!! You have done all you can do. Okay?

xlayvandriax · 11-02-2004, 04:08 PM

I can't help but feel guilty though. Thing is my parents don't think they're parenting skills are out of whack. And it sounds like a great idea, aslong as I don't go because I hate talking to a counselor about family issues with family in the room with me. I have my own therapist and my mom used to invite herself into my session which was horrible and then try and make herself seem like a concerned parent when all she was trying to do was make me feel guilty for talking about how much of a horrible person she is. Both my parents have joked about my brother going off with me to college and crap and frankly I don't think it's funny. I just don't understand why they had no problem spanking my little hind end but they won't touch him. They'll yell profusely and I hate yelling. I can't imagine what it does for his psyche, I just know what it's done for mine. But thank you for your kind words and advice. I just need a way to figure out how to get them into counseling....:|