Need some support - ADD / ADHD Message Board

amanda dzamba · 11-03-2004, 10:12 PM

I am a mother of a 12yr old with ADHD. He is in the 7th grade now and has been diagnosed since 1st grade. He is currently on Concerta and doing okay with that.
I am on the verge of a breakdown because I am having so many problems with him in school as far as school work is concerned. Every six weeks it is a struggle to get him to a passing point. He just flat won't turn in the work and talks all the time in class. When asked what the problem is he immediately starts crying and acts as though he is a victim. He has no desire to try to pass on his own, he is very immature and he just doesn't care if he fails or not.
I am so frustrated with him. He is in special classes and still doesn't want to put in an effort to pass.
Does anyone else have this problem. Am I the only one. I spend most every night crying and stressed about his school to the point that I am having problems with muscles spasms in my neck and back, insomnia, and losing my appetite. I don't know what to do anymore
I feel like a horrible parent because although I love him so much I have gotten to where I don't like him anymore.
I don't have anyone to talk to about this and can't afford to see anyone about it either. Can someone please offer me some advice or support?
Thanks.
Amanda

MafiaKiddo · 11-03-2004, 10:28 PM

I'm curious you say he is doing ok on concerta, but from what you post it sounds like it's not doing much of anything to help him.

Seems like the med isn't working and he may either need a higher dose or a different medication altogether.

index.html · 11-05-2004, 08:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by amanda dzamba

Does anyone else have this problem. Am I the only one.

You are definitely NOT alone. My 14yo ADHD son also has a terrible problem with lack of motivation. There are times when I really have to stay on top of him to get his work completed and turned in.

Like Mafia said, I have to really question how effective the Concerta is for your son at this point.

I also have to wonder WHY your son doesn't turn his work in? Does he lose it in his backpack/binder? That is usually my son's reason. {His other big problem is not getting the assignment written down in the first place - then he forgets if he has any homework}

If he just flat refuses to turn it in, I would wonder if 1 of 2 things is going on. First, perhaps he feels like "it isn't going to be any good anyway" and doesn't want to look like a "retard". Perhaps he is afraid of failure. He can't get a bad grade on it if he doesn't turn it in. If you're pretty sure that's not the case, then I'd have to question if his not turning things in is just a power struggle. As in, "you can make me do the homework, but you can't make me turn it it". It may be that the more you fight him, the more he resists.

Do any of those sound like possibilities?

allisok · 11-05-2004, 10:30 AM

You are so not alone, I too feel the exact same way. Its so frustrating that there is no motivation. Like a zomby, not caring.
My son forgets to hand in work, hw, projects etc... Extra credit? Whats that? Why do it? Just goes through the motions.
I have been feeling so guilty about my feelings toward him. I don't like him very much and feel like he's ruining my life. I can't help it but I try to help him but it does no good. I am so stressed.
The only recommendation to you that I have is get a progress report every week. I am going to the school next week to start the whole thing up. This way you can stay on top of him. Reward when he does something possitive, take away when he doesn't. I am going through the exact same thing, do you feel others have the perfect children, why not yours? I do. I feel I have done something wrong in bringing him up but.... all the triggers are not there. I am still married to his father, have a great home, he's has everything he needs, i show him love, the list goes on and on.. So what do we do now? Can anyone help?

index.html · 11-05-2004, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allisok

...My son forgets to hand in work, hw, projects etc...

Allisok, how old is your son? Some of us might be able to share strategies for helping ADD kids remember to turn in their work. I think, though, that forgetting to turn in work and refusing to turn in work are slightly different issues.